


sorry, the Messaging app has crashed.

by kwanology



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Chatlogs, Crack Treated Seriously, Developing Relationship, Gen, Humor, M/M, Memes, My Gay Humor, Sexual Humor, Slice of Life, Teenagers, Texting, a chat fic with promise, all of them will be here eventually don't worry, and they're all gay basically, god bless mingyu, i regret most of this, is this crack? maybe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 15:20:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 41,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10993620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwanology/pseuds/kwanology
Summary: mingyu decides it'd be a fantastic idea to add a few of his friends from school to a group chat. hilarity ensues.or, 13 guys end up in a group message that was started for school purposes but has instead become a boiling cesspit of bad jokes and sexual innuendo.





	1. all those in favor, say "aye."

**Author's Note:**

> hey y'all! as a side endeavor from the other fic i'm working on, i got inspiration for a chatlog-esque fic featuring the wonderful ensemble that is seventeen. this is definitely not canon to this universe at all, although i don't doubt whatever goes on in their group chat is any less entertaining. thus, this fic was born. i do hope you enjoy it!
> 
> UPDATE: this fic is being translated into RUSSIAN! you can read it
> 
> [here!](https://ficbook.net/readfic/6664728)
> 
> thank you to the wonderful translator for bringing this work to more audiences! :-)

December 17th, 2:34 P.M.

 

**_tallgyu_** has added **_dab8_** , **_booboothefool_** , **_dkdk_** to the group.

 

**tallgyu:** hi guys!

**booboothefool:** What is this

**booboothefool:** Why am I here

**booboothefool:** Are you all about to roast me because I swear to God

**dab8:** omg a groupchat

**dkdk:** my phone is suddenly exploding.

**tallgyu:** i put you all in here because i need help with some homework…

**dab8:** r u kidding me

**dab8:** maybe if u paid attention in mr kang’s class instead of lusting after his teaching assistant u wouldn’t be such a dumbass

**dkdk:** damn.

**dkdk:** he just did you like that mingyu.

**tallgyu:** shut up hao, i need help! english is stressing me out and i have 2 exams tomorrow.

**booboothefool:** You’re lucky I’m actually smart

**dkdk** : wow for once seungkwan is not the one being roasted.

**booboothefool:** ….

**dkdk:** love you  <3

**tallgyu:** seungkwan, i’ll buy you a candy bar after school tomorrow if you let me see the homework

**booboothefool:** What’s in it for me

**dab8:** he literally just told u cant u read

**booboothefool:** Okay that’s it

 

**_booboothefool_ ** has left the group.

 

**dkdk:** poor kid.

**dkdk:** i wonder if he knows how roastable he is.

**dkdk:** like a fine, fluffy marshmallow.

**dab8:** jfc someone add him back before he comes runnin down the street crying

 

**_tallgyu_** has added **_booboothefool_** to the group.

 

**booboothefool:** I hate all of you

**dab8:** sry seungkwan it wont happen again

**dkdk:** he makes no promises.

**tallgyu:** okay ANYWAY, can i get that homework seungkwan? i’ll get you whatever candy your little heart desires.

**booboothefool:** I suppose but some of the answers may be wrong

**tallgyu:** a wrong answer is better than no answer!

**dab8:** thats so fake deep

**booboothefool:** _ [image] _

**tallgyu:** dude…

**booboothefool:** What is something wrong

**dkdk:** that….is the most beautiful handwriting i’ve ever seen in my entire life on earth

**tallgyu:** ^^

**dab8:** its aight. ive seen better

**dkdk:** you write better than half the teachers, seungkwan.

**booboothefool:** Thank you I certainly try  <333

**dab8:** that emoji looks like 3 boobs lol

**tallgyu:** minghao please locate the nearest exit.

**dkdk:** wait

**dkdk:** the man is right.

**dkdk:** <33333

**dkdk:** look now it’s 5 boobs.

**tallgyu:** okay i’m going to copy this homework, you guys amuse yourselves with the boobs.

**dab8:** <3333333333

**booboothefool:** Mingyu wait

**booboothefool:** Help

**booboothefool:** I’m all alone with 2 children

**dab8:** stfu seungkwan ur the youngest one here

**dab8:** u cant even watch pg-13 movies yet

**booboothefool:** I’m 17!!!!! How old do you think I am?!?!?

**dkdk:** dude.

**dkdk:** i thought you were 12 this entire time.

**dkdk:** that makes more sense than my theory.

**booboothefool:** And your theory is?

**dab8:** he thought u skipped 5 grades and that u were a super genius

**dab8:** he thought u were bit by a radioactive spider and ur brain was twice normal size

**dab8:** he said ‘the s in seungkwan must stand for spiderman’

**booboothefool:** Oh my god

**booboothefool:** How have you survived this long on earth

**dkdk:** i breathe my air just the same as you guys, one lung at a time

**booboothefool:** That’s it

**booboothefool:** I’m going to go nap and hope when I wake up my cell service has been shut off

**dkdk:** goodnight seungkwannie~

**dkdk:** sweet dreams. <3

**dab8:** dude

**dab8:** im gonna keep a tally of how many times he leaves

**dkdk:** i bet it’ll be 10 by the end of the week.

**dab8:** i bet at least 20

**dab8:** wager??

**dkdk:** i’ll give you $10 if you’re right

**dab8:** deal

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

December 19th, 7:03 P.M.

 

**dab8:** guys

**dab8:** idk about u guys but im so pumped about winter break

**tallgyu:** same. my first semester gpa is high so i can take a rest knowing i’m good grade-wise.

**dab8:** snore

**dab8:** what do u have, like a 3.5?

**tallgyu:** close.

**tallgyu:** 4.3 actually.

**dkdk:** hello

**dkdk:** did i just read that correctly

**tallgyu:** um, yes.

**dkdk:** i retract my theory about seungkwan being the super genius here.

**dab8:** shit….mingyu has been hiding his brains all year

**tallgyu:** no i haven’t.

**tallgyu:** their in my head, right where you can see them.

**booboothefool:** *They’re

**dab8:** OHHHHHH

**dkdk:** damn gyu, seungkwan just did you like that.

**dkdk:** are you gonna take that abuse

**tallgyu:** i’m human, i make mistakes.

**booboothefool:** And I’m here to point them out 

**dab8:** the s in seungkwan stands for savage

**dkdk:** do you all mind if i add someone to this?

**dab8:** if theyre lit go ahead

**tallgyu:** depends. who is it?

**dkdk:** heheh

 

**_dkdk_** has added **_callmesoon_** to the group.

 

**booboothefool:** Uhhh

**tallgyu:** who is this??

**callmesoon:** Your worst nightmare XD

**dab8:** oh god

**booboothefool:** I hate him already

**tallgyu:** dude it’s the 21st century, who still uses XD nowadays?

**callmesoon:** Is there a problem? :(((

**callmesoon:** Seokmin your friends are bullying me :(((((((

**dkdk:** jeesh guys give him a break

**dkdk:** he’s going through his emo phase

**dkdk:** he even wore dark purple eyeliner the other day

**callmesoon:** I DID NOT YOU BASTARD

**callmesoon:** In all seriousness...hello I’m Soonyoung

**tallgyu:** hi?

**dab8:** wow what an entrance

**dab8:** seokmin whered u find this guy lol

**dkdk:** he’s in the class above us

**dkdk:** he’s actually a senior but i doubt he could kick any of our asses

**booboothefool:** Thank god for once I’m not the one being roasted

**callmesoon:** Okay first of all…

**callmesoon:** I’m older than all of you dweebs

**callmesoon:** So you have to respect me.

**dab8:** if ur older then why r u in a groupchat with a bunch of kids like us

**dkdk:** he has no friends his own age!

**callmesoon:** You’re lucky I like you, punk

**booboothefool:** Oh!!! If he’s a year ahead maybe he knows that scary teaching assistant

**booboothefool:** I think he’s a senior too!!!

**tallgyu:** oh god.

**callmesoon:** Does he have dark hair and really narrow eyes?

**callmesoon:** Kinda looks like a serial killer on a good day?

**callmesoon:** That’s Wonwoo

**booboothefool:** That’s him!! Mingyu has the biggest crush on him

**tallgyu:** seungkwan. why do you exist.

**dab8:** lol awkward

**dkdk:** mingyu it was getting fairly obvious to the world. no shame, bro

**tallgyu:** oh god oh god.

**tallgyu:** please don’t say anything.

**tallgyu:** it already affected my grade in mr. kang’s class, i don’t deserve more punishment.

**callmesoon:** HAHAHAHA A CRUSH

**callmesoon:** ON WONWOO

**callmesoon:** HE HAS THE PERSONALITY OF A WALNUT

**dkdk:** damn, defend your man mingyu.

**tallgyu:** he’s not my man!!!

**tallgyu:** i just think he’s cute!!!

**booboothefool:** Same difference

**callmesoon:** If you want, I could hook you up

**tallgyu:** NO.

**tallgyu:** I DO NOT WANT.

**dab8:** (he secretly wants lol)

**dkdk:** aww, mingyu why are you so shy?

**dkdk:** you could really like the guy

**booboothefool:** Or you could end up hating him

**booboothefool:** Can’t knock it till you try it

**tallgyu:** ….

**tallgyu:** i’ve never hated a group of people more than i do right now.

**callmesoon:** Wonwoo is nice

**callmesoon:** Weird, but nice

**callmesoon:** I think I could try and add him

**callmesoon:** Although the last phone I saw him with was a flip phone so…

**dab8:** r.i.p

**tallgyu:** you really don’t have to…

**dkdk:** well this certainly got interesting real quick

**dkdk:** god bless you, soonyoung

**callmesoon:** I didn’t sneeze tho

**dab8:** lmao

 

**_callmesoon_ ** has added  **_JEON_WONWOO_ ** to the group.

 

**JEON_WONWOO:** HELLO, DO I KNOW YOU PEOPLE?

**dab8:** omg

**dab8:** why r u screaming

**dkdk:** soonyoung wtf is this guy?

**callmesoon:** Wonwoo what’s up with your phone

**JEON_WONWOO:** I HAVE A REALLY OLD FLIP PHONE.

**callmesoon:** Told y’all

**tallgyu:** dear lord…

**booboothefool:** He’s typing like my grandpa

**booboothefool:** And that isn’t a compliment

**JEON_WONWOO:** WHY WAS I PUT IN A GROUPCHAT?

**JEON_WONWOO:** I KNOW SOONYOUNG, BUT NOT THE REST OF YOU. PLEASE GIVE ME AN INTRODUCTION.

**callmesoon:** Jesus this is an eyesore

**dkdk:** im seokmin! 

**dab8:** hey im minghao, call me hao if u want

**booboothefool:** I’m Seungkwan

**callmesoon:** Yeah that’s basically everyone. They’re all a year below us tho

**dkdk:** wait.

**dkdk:** where did mingyu go…

**dkdk:** gyu i swear on the ramen im eating right now im gonna fight you

**tallgyu:** can you calm down?

**tallgyu:** i’m here.

**JEON_WONWOO:** HELLO UNDERCLASSMEN.

**JEON_WONWOO:** ARE ANY OF YOU IN MR. KANG’S 5TH PERIOD?

**tallgyu:** yeah, we all are.

**tallgyu:** that was the purpose of me making this.

**tallgyu:** we were gonna help each other out with homework.

**dkdk:** gyu…….don’t spill our secrets

**dkdk:** this guy is the teaching assistant

**dab8:** busted

**booboothefool:** I’ve never gotten in trouble in my life and I’m not starting now

 

**_booboothefool_ ** has left the group.

 

**dab8:** the tally is now up to 2

**dkdk:** amazing.

 

**_tallgyu_ ** has added  **_booboothefool_ ** to the group.

 

**tallgyu:** seungkwan, you really need to learn how to think.

**booboothefool:** I do think!!!!!!

**dkdk:** well it mustnt be that hard, then.

**dab8:** OHHHHHH

**booboothefool:** :’(

**tallgyu:** anyway….

**tallgyu:** that all-caps business is gonna have to stop.

**callmesoon:** The boy has point.

**dab8:** he called u a boy lol

**dab8:** little boi

**tallgyu:** minghao i swear to god.

**tallgyu:** ANYWAY

**JEON_WONWOO:** I WISH I COULD HELP THE WAY I TYPE, BUT I CANNOT.

**JEON_WONWOO:** MAYBE I COULD GO SWAP THIS PIECE OF JUNK OUT FOR AN IPHONE TOMORROW.

**JEON_WONWOO:** I’LL TREAT MYSELF TO A PRE-CHRISTMAS GIFT.

**tallgyu:** good plan.

**callmesoon:** In the meantime, you should just not talk. Ever again

**callmesoon:** I think that’s a good solution.

**callmesoon:** All those in favor say Aye

**dkdk:** aye?

**dkdk:** are you a fucking pirate?

**callmesoon:** Isn’t that what people say

**callmesoon:** Aye???

**dab8:** omg

**dab8:** this guy is almost as clueless as seungkwan lol

**booboothefool:** I hate you

**tallgyu:** i believe the correct term is, all those in favor say “i”

**tallgyu:** as in, themselves, y’know?

**callmesoon:** Oh..

**callmesoon:** That makes sense actually

**dkdk:** i love ya, but you’re kinda dumb sometimes, bud

**dkdk:** no offense

**callmesoon:** None taken ^o^

**tallgyu:** how do you two know each other anyway? if soonyoung is a senior?

**dkdk:** he lives across the street from me actually.

**dkdk:** we’ve been pals for a while but i never found an opportunity to introduce him to you guys.

**dkdk:** plus he’s kinda wild

**dkdk:** i didn’t know how well he’d mesh with you party poopers

**callmesoon:** I have a reputation as being a loose cannon

**callmesoon:** This one time, I ate cereal for breakfast

**booboothefool:** Literally everyone does that

**dkdk:** elaborate pls

**callmesoon:** ….without milk. 

**tallgyu:** oh god.

**tallgyu:** we’ve got a rebel among us.

**dab8:** lol this guy is funny

**callmesoon:** Thank you, I certainly try my hardest :)))))

**dkdk:** a little TOO hard sometimes

**dkdk:** but that’s okay

**JEON_WONWOO:** YOU ALL ARE AMUSING.

**JEON_WONWOO:** I DIDN’T KNOW THERE WERE INTERESTING UNDERCLASSMEN.

**JEON_WONWOO:** I THOUGHT THEY WERE ALL ANNOYING SNOTTY CHILDREN.

**dkdk:** we may be annoying but we sure aren’t snotty.

**dab8:** except seungkwan, he cries alot

**dab8:** its lowkey gross

**booboothefool:** I can’t help it!!!! I’m an emotional guy 

**tallgyu:** you all are too much.

**tallgyu:** i’m gonna sleep, i’ll talk to you all tomorrow. try not to blow up the chat too much.

**dab8:** dude its like 10 pm

**dab8:** the party has just begun

**dkdk:** let the man rest, he needs his beauty sleep.

**dkdk:** if i were 100% gay, i’d say he’s the hottest one in here

**tallgyu:** thanks, means a lot.

**booboothefool:** Goodnight Mingyu~ sleep well!!

**dkdk** : g’night gyu

**dab8:** seeya

**callmesoon** : What a geezer

**callmesoon:** Who hoes to sleep this early

**callmesoon:** *Goes

**dkdk:** hoes

**dab8:** hoes

**booboothefool:** Hoes

**JEON_WONWOO:** HOES

**callmesoon:** FUCK YOU GUYS

**JEON_WONWOO:** I WAS REPEATING IT BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE WAS.

**JEON_WONWOO:** APPARENTLY IT WAS FUNNY.

**dkdk:** wonwoo, you certainly are something else aren’tcha

**dab8:** i like him

**dab8:** hes made me lol irl a few times

**booboothefool:** You use too much text lingo

**booboothefool:** It’s hard to reaaaaad

**callmesoon:** I can tell this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship

**dkdk:** bro. you mean that?

**callmesoon:** Of course my dude. With all my heart

**dkdk:** i love you...from the bro-ttom of my heart  <3

**callmesoon:** <33333333333

**JEON_WONWOO:** THIS IS A LITTLE TOO GAY FOR ME

**dab8:** no its aight, thats a boob emoji. this convo is straight

**booboothefool:** Okay I’m gone. See you all later

**dkdk:** guess he couldn’t handle the seoksoon lovin’ going on up in here.

**dab8:** i think i just puked in my mouth a lil bit

**dab8:** brb

**JEON_WONWOO:** AHH, YOUNG LOVE.

 

 

* * *

 

 

December 20th, 1:22 A.M.

 

**dab8:** yknow

**dab8:** it just occured to me

**dab8:** this group chat doesnt have a name lol

**callmesoon:** Jesus, kid, why are you awake

**dab8:** i was playing dance dance revolution when the thought struck me

**callmesoon:** Dance dance revolution…..at 1 in the morning…

**callmesoon:** I’ve heard weirder

**dab8:** we could make an acronym out of all our names

**dab8:** like, MMSSWS

**callmesoon:** Oh my god

**callmesoon:** Why do all our names have like, the same letter

**dab8:** beats me

**dab8:** our parents knew we were destined to become the MMSSWS group chat someday

**callmesoon:** Okay no. Let me think

**dab8:** thats a dangerous hobby

**callmesoon:** I’ve got the perfect name

 

**_callmesoon_ ** has named the group “ **_Mingwoo Defense Squad_ ** ”

 

**dab8:** ….

**dab8:** mingyus gonna have a stroke when he wakes up

**dab8:** actually scratch that

**dab8:** hes gonna have 2 strokes

**callmesoon:** heheheh

**callmesoon:** What can I say?

**callmesoon:** I’m a pro at playing matchmaker ^-^

 


	2. stupid autocorrect.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dab8: have u ever heard of…..dabbing
> 
> booboothefool: Oh my god
> 
> booboothefool: I’m stopping you before you start

 

December 20th, 10:02 A.M.

 

**tallgyu:** ….

**tallgyu:** what does “mingwoo” mean?

**tallgyu:** hello?

**dkdk:** oh dude

**dkdk:** thats tragic…

**tallgyu:** i’m so confused.

**JEON_WONWOO:** YOU GUYS ARE AWAKE TOO EARLY.

**tallgyu:** it’s 10 in the morning, how is that early?

**tallgyu:** when we aren’t on breaks, we get up for school before 8.

**JEON_WONWOO:** WELL, THIS IS A BREAK

**JEON_WONWOO:** AND IT MEANS I CAN’T FUNCTION THIS EARLY.

**dkdk:** and here we all were thinking you were some big, bad teaching assistant

**dkdk:** you’re actually just one of us hehehe

**tallgyu:** okay anyway…

**tallgyu:** where the hell is soonyoung?

**tallgyu:** and what the hell does mingwoo mean??

**dkdk:** ….

**dkdk:** dude

**dkdk:** have you not caught on yet?

**tallgyu:** ???

**tallgyu:** no??

**callmesoon:** It means…..exactly what it says

**callmesoon:** Mingyu and Wonwoo

**callmesoon:** Sittin in a tree

**tallgyu:** STOP.

**tallgyu:** OR ELSE YOU’RE GETTING BLOCKED.

**callmesoon:** XD Bro chill it’s just a joke!

**dkdk:** watch it soonyoung

**dkdk:** ive seen mingyu get PISSED before

**dkdk:** mostly because they were out of capri suns in the campus vending machine…

**dkdk:** but thats beside the point.

**tallgyu:** why does the world hate me?

**tallgyu:** i’ve done nothing but be a good person.

**JEON_WONWOO:** I’M LOST.

**JEON_WONWOO:** WHO IS MINGYU?

**dab8:** lol hi guys

**dab8:** guess you discovered our name

**tallgyu:** i’m about to pull a seungkwan and…

 

**_tallgyu_ ** has left the group.

 

**booboothefool:** Hello everyone~

**booboothefool:** Oh shoot

**booboothefool:** What did I miss

**dkdk:** scroll up.

**booboothefool:** Oh my god!!! You all have a deathwish

**booboothefool:** Mingyu is gonna go batshit crazy on you guys

**dab8:** seungkwan relax

**dab8:** i have a pair of nunchucks

**callmesoon:** Dude...srsly

**callmesoon:** That’s lit

**dab8:** yeah ikr i just gotta learn how to use them

**dkdk:** i’ll add the poor guy back

 

**_dkdk_ ** has added  **_tallgyu_ ** to the group.

 

**tallgyu:** eternal suffering.

**tallgyu:** it’s here.

**dab8:** hey gyu

**dab8:** if it makes u feel better i suggested a better name for the chat

**dab8:** but soonyoung insisted on “playing matchmaker”

**tallgyu:** god must really hate me.

**callmesoon:** Dude, its seriously okay. Wonwoo is oblivious.

**callmesoon:** Im pretty sure he thinks hes dreaming rn

**callmesoon:** Quick someone else think up a name

**booboothefool:** Ooh!!! I have an idea!!!!!!

**dkdk:** oh god

**dkdk:** that’s never a good sign

 

**_booboothefool_ ** has named the group “ **_Mr. Kang’s 5th Period Friends~_ ** ”

 

**dab8:** um

**callmesoon:** LOL

**dkdk:** seungkwan…

**dkdk:** are you 100% sure you’re totally straight

**dkdk:** like, asking for a friend

**booboothefool:** What?? It’s a nice name

**booboothefool:** Unless you have something better, Mr. Peanut Gallery

**dkdk:** i can give it a shot

 

**_dkdk_ ** has named the group “ **_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_ ** ”

 

**tallgyu:** what the hell is that?

**dkdk:** i dunno actually

**dkdk:** i thought it was cute

**callmesoon:** Aww!! I love it

**callmesoon:** Good call my man

**dkdk:** ;-D

**booboothefool:** Yknow

**booboothefool:** I often wonder

**booboothefool:** Why is it always MY sexuality that’s questioned????

**dkdk:** like i said

**dkdk:** im a man of many tastes.

**dab8:** so ur saying ur pansexual

**dab8:** is what im getting from this

**tallgyu:** pansexual?

**booboothefool:** Do you...do it with kitchen utensils? Like pans?

**dab8:** omg no u uncultured swine

**dab8:** google exists for a reason u know

**dab8:** jfc why r all my friends problematic

**jeon_wonwoo:** hello!

**jeon_wonwoo:** you’ll be happy to know I just traded in my old Motorola flip phone for a brand-spankin-new iPhone.

**jeon_wonwoo:** no more all-caps! :-)

**callmesoon:** Omg normal speaking voice Wonwoo!!

**callmesoon:** Change your display name tho

**jeon_wonwoo:** why? it’s my actual name.

**tallgyu:** yeah but…

**tallgyu:** it’s more fun to pick a screen name.

**dab8:** take me for example

**dab8:** have u ever heard of…..dabbing

**booboothefool:** Oh my god

**booboothefool:** I’m  stopping you before you start

**dkdk:** yeah wonwoo, we all have little nicknames

**dkdk:** we can give you one if you want

**callmesoon:** But it’ll probably be inappropriate, just a warning

**jeon_wonwoo:** no, it’s alright, I get the jist.

 

**_jeon_wonwoo_ ** has changed their display name to **_bagofluck_ **

 

**dab8:** wait

**dab8:** okay nvm lol

**dab8:** i thought that said “bag of fuck” for a sec

**callmesoon:** LMAO SAME

**booboothefool:** What does bag of luck mean??

**dkdk:** it sounds like…

**dkdk:** a bad stripper name

**dkdk:** hello boys….care to reach into my….bag of luck?? ;))))))

**bagofluck:** oh my goodness.

**bagofluck:** to my knowledge, I had no clue underclassmen could be this interesting.

**tallgyu:** you call it interesting, i call it dumb.

**bagofluck:** it’s quite refreshing. :-)

**dab8:** guys

**dab8:** xmas is in 5 days

**booboothefool:** I know!!! I wrote my letter to Santa already~

**callmesoon:** Uh

**callmesoon:** You do know he isnt real tho right

**booboothefool:** Of course he is

**booboothefool:** The Christmas spirit is alive and well and so is he

**dkdk:** poor kid

**dkdk:** what did you ask for, seungkwan???

**dkdk:** personally, i requested nothing but a pair of socks

**dab8:** lol boring

**booboothefool:** Let’s see...I asked for a fuzzy shower robe, some cookbooks, and some scented candles!!

**tallgyu:** dang.

**tallgyu:** that’s certainly more interesting than my list.

**callmesoon:** Oh my god

**bagofluck:** my list is just a new pair of reading glasses.

**bagofluck:** my old ones were sat on…

**callmesoon:** By who??

**bagofluck:** by me.

**dkdk:** tsk tsk

**dkdk:** what about you hao??

**dab8:** i asked for a drone lol

**dab8:** they look super cool

**tallgyu:** why on earth would you ever need a drone?

**dab8:** idk just because 

**dab8:** why not ya know

**dkdk:** im convinced that minghao is secretly much smarter than all of us combined

**dab8:** ull see one day ;D

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

December 24th, 8:16 PM.

 

**bagofluck:** _ [image] _

**bagofluck:** my parents let me open a gift early! it was those glasses I asked for. :-)

**callmesoon:** Awww how cute~~

**callmesoon:** I can picture Mingyu’s face rn

**dkdk:** he’s probably dropped his phone already

**bagofluck:** what, why? is he okay?

**dkdk:** he wont be after seeing that selfie.

**tallgyu:** fuck you guys.

**tallgyu:** those glasses make you look cute, wonwoo.

**tallgyu:** i mean the glasses are cute.

**tallgyu:** stupid autocorrect.

**booboothefool:** I’m pretty sure autocorrect doesnt insert words

**booboothefool:** I know a bluffer when I see one

**tallgyu:** seungkwan please just. stop talking. forever.

**dkdk:** damn

**dkdk:** feisty

**bagofluck:** you’re a weird bunch, aren’t you?

**dab8:** yes

**dab8:** its mostly just mingyu

**dab8:** hes so weird, he sneezes without covering his nose

**dkdk:** eh, thats not weird, just disgusting.

**callmesoon:** Ewwwww

**tallgyu:** y’know, i could’ve sworn seungkwan was the most roastable one in here.

**tallgyu:** i guess i was sadly mistaken.

**dkdk:** yes, yes you were

**booboothefool:** The snow outside is getting so thick!!!

**callmesoon:** Yknow what else is thick

**tallgyu:** ….

**callmesoon:** My love for our lord and savior Jesus Christ

**callmesoon:** God Mingyu dont be such a pervert

**tallgyu:** i’m honestly at a loss for words.

**dkdk:** was the holy spirit too strong for you bud??

**bagofluck:** I love being the most mature one here :-)

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

December 25th, 6:09 P.M.

 

**bagofluck:** hellllllllllllllllll

**bagofluck:** o

**bagofluck:** isthis  the right chat

**tallgyu:** ….

**tallgyu:** are you okay?

**bagofluck:** _[image]_

**bagofluck:** _[image]_

**callmesoon:** Wonwoo

**callmesoon:** Why did you just send two pictures of your feet

**bagofluck:** feet. foots.

**dab8:** lol r u drunk

**bagofluck:** I drank the normal amount. trust me.

**tallgyu:** how much is the normal amount?

**bagofluck:** stopped counting around 5 wine glssses.

**bagofluck:** oops.

**bagofluck:** what I meant was glaassess.

**bagofluck:** gasses.

**bagofluck:** gallstones.

**callmesoon:** Oh my god

**callmesoon:** The poor man is drunk

**dab8:** lol who gets wasted on wine

**dab8:** lame

**tallgyu:** i mean, it is christmas day. you can’t exactly blame him.

 

**_bagofluck_ ** has added  **_moonjun_ ** to the group.

 

**tallgyu:** y’know what? i’m not even gonna ask.

**callmesoon:** What the hell kinda name is moonjun

**dab8:** this chat is gonna be filled with random ppl by the end of the year

**tallgyu:** and to think...i created this to share homework answers.

**callmesoon** : That all changed when the fire nation attacked

**moonjun:** why the fuck am i in here?

**moonjun:** if this is that dumbass drug dealer shit again,

**moonjun:** im reporting all your asses to the school’s discipline office

**moonjun:** i told you already: oregano looks more like weed than dried up spinach does **.**

**moonjun:** but noooooo, never listen to junhui. junhui doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about

**callmesoon:** I hate to interrupt but

**tallgyu:** we aren’t drug dealers???

**moonjun:** shit

**moonjun:** then who are you

**moonjun:** and why did i just waste all that time ranting?

**callmesoon:** Wait a second

**callmesoon:** Are you the famous Junhui

**callmesoon:** From Dr. Barber’s 3rd period 

**moonjun:** the very same!!

**dab8:** im confused

**callmesoon:** Oh my god

**callmesoon:** So the first day of senior year, Dr. Barber starts the very first Calculus class off by saying “Hello, I’m Dr. Barber. This year I’ll be teaching you the basics of Calculus that will make your life in the working world go ‘round. If you aren’t interested, you can get the hell out.”

**callmesoon:** And THIS KID

**callmesoon:** Stands up, grabs his things, salutes Dr. Barber, and walks out

**dab8:** omg savage

**tallgyu:** how the hell were you not suspended???

**moonjun:** well, i wasn’t supposed to be in advanced calculus anyway, so i walked out and never had to go back into that class again.

**moonjun:** it certainly gave me a reputation

**callmesoon:** Yeah, the “rude sonuvabitch who disrespected me and my morals.”

**moonjun:** haha!! dr. barber is insane

**tallgyu:** you seniors are crazy.

**moonjun:** so can anyone tell me why i’m in here??

**moonjun:** where’s wonwoo? he added me apparently

**dab8:** lol poor guy is drunk off his ass

**dab8:** he probs just passed out 

**callmesoon:** Wonwoo was drinking a large quantity of wine

**callmesoon:** As one does on  Christmas

**callmesoon:** And I suppose he just added you by accident

**moonjun:** well as long as you all are nice, i could be up for staying! ^.^

**tallgyu:** i’d say we’re a pretty nice bunch.

**tallgyu:** except for soonyoung.

**tallgyu:** soonyoung is probably satan himself, i have yet to confirm with my own eyes.

**callmesoon:** Hey, not my fault you’ve got a craving for some WonWOO if ya catch my drift

**tallgyu:** no, but i’ll tell you what i am craving...

**tallgyu:** death.

**tallgyu:** instant death.


	3. hooked on a feeling.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> callmesoon: When the world opens a door for you
> 
> callmesoon: You gotta go in

January 1st, 11:18 A.M.

 

**moonjun:** happy new year everyone~

**moonjun:** here’s all your new years kisses ( ˘ ³˘)♥

**callmesoon:** Awwww

**booboothefool:** Cute!!!!

**tallgyu:** does anyone have a resolution?

**tallgyu:** mine is to read more books.

**moonjun:** hmm……

**moonjun:** one of mine is i’d like to find love this year

**booboothefool:** Me toooooo

**booboothefool:** I feel like the universe doesn’t want me to find anyone good :(

**booboothefool:** I always fall for the straight guys

**callmesoon:** Lol my resolution is to get FIT

**callmesoon:** RIPPED

**callmesoon:** Fuckin SHREDDED

**dkdk:** and we all know that’s not gonna work

**dkdk:** bro, your body is hot as it is

**callmesoon:** Dude you really think that???

**dkdk:** of course  <3

**dab8:** lol

**dab8:** get a room

**dkdk:** if you insist ;-D

**tallgyu:** ew.

**bagofluck:** mingyu, if you’d like to borrow some books, I have a huge collection.

**bagofluck:** once school starts up again, we could get together and I can hook you up!

**dab8:** dude

**dab8:** r u flirting

**dkdk:** if he is, its pretty pathetic

**tallgyu:** you all are pathetic.

**tallgyu:** i’d love that, wonwoo! :)

**dkdk:** DUDE

**booboothefool:** Mingyu never uses emojis!!!!!!!

**booboothefool** : What is happening to him!?!?

**dkdk:** he’s gone soft

**dkdk:** everyone

**dkdk:** this is the end of the world as we know it

**callmesoon:** I think you all are making WAY too big a deal out of this

**callmesoon:** Mingyu, what book are you looking for??

**callmesoon:** 50 shades of….gay?

**tallgyu:** ….

**tallgyu:** i’m blocking.

 

**_callmesoon_ ** has left the group.

 

**dab8:** lol

**dab8:** i didnt think hed actually do it

**dkdk:** the savagery….

**dkdk:** who knew mingyu was capable

**tallgyu:** i’m sick and tired of this abuse.

**tallgyu:** but i’m a nice person, so i’ll unblock him.

 

**_tallgyu_ ** has added  **_callmesoon_ ** to the group.

 

**callmesoon:** Man it feels good to be back.

**bagofluck:** I am so lost. can someone explain?

**booboothefool:** Mingyu is just embarrassed

**booboothefool:** He’s… hooked on a feeling, if you will

**booboothefool:** He’s high on believing

**tallgyu:** if you finish those lyrics, you die.

**moonjun:** guys guys guys, spread some love! it’s the new year!!

**moonjun:** another resolution of mine is to stop cussing and be more loving ～(^з^)-♡

**callmesoon:** Hey Jun

**callmesoon:** You remember how you let me borrow your Mario Kart 8

**moonjun:** yeah??

**callmesoon:** I sorta dropped it

**callmesoon:** Into a jar of mayo

**callmesoon:** I was making a sandwich and I accidentally popped it out of my DS

**moonjun:** DUDE WHAT THE FUCK

**moonjun:** WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU

**moonjun:** soonyoung you better watch your back because as soon as break is over im gonna beat your fucking ass into the ground

**callmesoon:** Jk bro

**callmesoon:** No worries ;)

**dab8:** lol

**dab8:** that was scary

**booboothefool:** Dang….

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

January 4th, 12:04 P.M.

 

**dkdk:** _[image]_

**dkdk:** hehehe

**dkdk:** _[image]_

**bagofluck:** hah, is that mingyu?

**bagofluck:** is he drooling on the desk?

**dab8:** lol hes knocked tf out

**dkdk:** he’ll kill me later but thats okay.

**callmesoon:** Awww, so cute

**moonjun:** i used to fall asleep in Ms. David’s class too

**moonjun:** relatable

**callmesoon:** You know

**callmesoon:** Mingyu is actually really hot

**callmesoon:** I saw him in the hallway and I thought

**callmesoon:** There is no way that’s MINGYU

**dkdk:** dude

**dkdk:** how could you betray our love like that

**dkdk:** i thought what we had was special.

**dab8:** omg

**dab8:** fight fight fight

**booboothefool:** I smelled drama

**booboothefool:** I’m here

**callmesoon:** Seokmin…

**callmesoon:** I love you…..

**callmesoon:** But Mingyu’s got an ass that wont quit

**dkdk:** damn

**dkdk:** you right

**dkdk:** plus, he’s like 90% leg

**bagofluck:** i didn’t know mingyu was a giraffe.

**dab8:** lmao

**dkdk:** minghao stfu you have no room to laugh

**dkdk:** your neck is as long as….

**dkdk:** nevermind

**callmesoon:** This DICK

**moonjun:** children…

**callmesoon:** When the world opens a door for you

**callmesoon:** You gotta go in

**dkdk:** you know what else goes in?

**booboothefool:** This dick?

**callmesoon:** No seungkwan omg

**callmesoon:** Never say that word ever again

**callmesoon:** That’s a dirty word

**booboothefool:** Dick is not a dirty word you guys JUST said it

**moonjun:** wash your mouth out young man

**dab8:** seungkwan ur just a baby u cant say those things yet

**bagofluck:** isn’t he the same age as you guys?

**booboothefool:** EXACTLY

**booboothefool:** Just because I still watch Disney Channel doesnt mean I’m a baby!!!!!!

**bagofluck:** well…

**bagofluck:** now that you put it that way…

**booboothefool:** I’m done

 

**_booboothefool_ ** has left the group.

 

**dkdk:** hah, make that 3

**dab8:** lmao

 

**_bagofluck_ ** has added  **_booboothefool_ ** to the group.

 

**booboothefool:** :’(

**bagofluck:** my deepest apologies, seungkwan.

**bagofluck:** surely you’re just as grown-up as the rest of us.

**bagofluck:** maybe even more so than soonyoung.

**callmesoon:** Wonwoo..

**callmesoon:** This is why no one likes you

**dab8:** lol except mingyu

**dkdk:** yeah, except mingyu.

**bagofluck:** wait, really?

**bagofluck:** mingyu likes me?

**callmesoon:** Bro

**callmesoon:** Are you serious

**moonjun:** i’ve been here the shortest amount of time and even i knew that

**bagofluck:** do you mean likes me or LIKE likes me?

**dkdk:** what is this, the 3rd grade????

**booboothefool:** Mingyu is bad at feelings

**dkdk:** true

**dkdk:** im fairly sure he’s never been in a relationship that wasn’t with a stuffed animal

**moonjun:** poor guy…

**bagofluck:** that’s kinda sad.

**bagofluck:** but I am not one to judge.

**tallgyu:** hey guys.

**tallgyu:** can you all do me a favor….

**tallgyu:** and throw your phones out the nearest window?

**dab8:** sry gyu

**dab8:** we love u

**tallgyu:** love does not fix a low self-esteem.

**callmesoon:** A few pints of ice cream might

**dkdk:** ^^^

**bagofluck:** mingyu, it’s okay! you don’t have to be embarrassed.

**tallgyu:** actually, yes i do.

**tallgyu:** when i’m friends with you people, i have every right to be.

**booboothefool:** Oh no we upset him :(

**booboothefool:** We’re sorry Mingyu :((

**tallgyu:** it’s honestly okay.

**tallgyu:** i’ll get over myself.

**tallgyu:** ice cream is on sale at Target right now.

**dkdk:** thats the spirit buddy!! 

 

 

* * *

 

 

January 6th, 6:14 P.M.

 

**dab8:** guys

**dab8:** i found this rly cool video

**dab8:** [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7PqyopzNPo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7PqyopzNPo)

**tallgyu:** what is it with you and dabbing?

**dab8:** one of my friends taught me lol

**dab8:** his names bambam idk if u guys know him

**dkdk:** never heard of him

**callmesoon:** So did I ever tell you all about the new years party I attended

**booboothefool:** No, was it fun????

**dkdk:** he snapchatted me videos of him playing (and losing) beer pong

**dkdk:** and then numerous videos of himself throwing up

**dkdk:** id say he had fun.

**callmesoon:** The guy who threw it had the most dope playlist

**callmesoon:** He played Fireflies or whatever

**dab8:** lol that song is like...what everyone got turnt to in middle school

**moonjun:** ahhh...the good old days

**dkdk:** that song sucks why would anyone play it at a party

**callmesoon:** HEY

**callmesoon:** Planet earth may turn slowly but this ass sure didnt

**dab8:** omg

**tallgyu:** what did i just come back to…

**callmesoon:** Apparently he put his number in my phone

**callmesoon:** Should I add him???

**tallgyu:** i don’t know about that…

**dkdk:** gyu, live a little

**dkdk:** this chat started as 4 guys with no hopes, dreams, or aspirations

**dab8:** now look at us

**dab8:** 7 guys with no hopes dreams or aspirations

**booboothefool:** Someone should write a book about us

**tallgyu:** sigh.

**tallgyu:** alright, go ahead and add him.

**dkdk:** but really how cool can someone who thinks Fireflies is a good party song be??

 

**_callmesoon_ ** has added  **_gentlejosh_ ** to the group. 

 

**dab8:** these names keep gettin weirder and weirder lol

**dkdk:** gentlejosh….that could mean a lot of things

**gentlejosh:** Yoooooooooooo what’s up?!

**gentlejosh:** It’s ya boy Joshua

**booboothefool:** Uh

**booboothefool:** Hello

**dab8:** who tf says yo anymore

**dkdk:** what’s up joshua

**dkdk:** what’s your story

**tallgyu:** if you’re a drug dealer, you might not want to tell jun.

**gentlejosh:** I’m just a man on a mission,

**gentlejosh:** Not skilled in the kitchen,

**gentlejosh:** My rap skills are bitchin.

**dab8:** omg

**dab8:** please

**dab8:** how do i unsee that

**callmesoon:** Hey Josh

**callmesoon:** These are my pals

**callmesoon:** Welcome to the group

**tallgyu:** oh lord…

**tallgyu:** what have we gotten ourselves into…

**gentlejosh:** Anyway, here’s Wonderwall

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

January 9th, 1:34 P.M.

 

**tallgyu:** guys.

**tallgyu:** i think i just ran over a chipmunk on my drive home from the store.

**callmesoon:** Oh my god

**bagofluck:** you heartless soup.

**bagofluck:** *soul.

**callmesoon:** SOUP

**dkdk:** if you were a soup what kind would you be

**dkdk:** id be chicken noodle.

**booboothefool:** Hey, I was gonna say that!!!

**bagofluck:** I would be tomato.

**dab8:** boring

**dab8:** thats like the most basic bitch soup

**bagofluck:** oops, I wasn’t aware that soups had personalities.

**callmesoon:** I wouldn’t be a soup….

**callmesoon:** I’d be… a bro-th.

**dkdk:** bro.

**dkdk:** did you really just

**callmesoon:** Yeah, I really did

**dkdk:** bro.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

January 9th, 11:11 P.M.

 

**booboothefool:** MAKE A WISH~

**tallgyu:** what?

**moonjun:** it’s 11:11, make a wish!!

**tallgyu:** what the heck does that even mean.

**callmesoon:** I wish Lee Seokmin felt the same about me

**dkdk:** i wish kwon soonyoung knew he was my one and only~~

**dkdk:** <333333

**tallgyu:** i’m gonna barf.

**tallgyu:** what did you wish for seungkwan?

**booboothefool:** I can’t tell you!!!!

**booboothefool:** Then it won’t come true!!!!

**gentlejosh:** I know I’m new here

**gentlejosh:** But I was wondering if I could add someone

**tallgyu:** no.

**tallgyu:** i’m making a limit to this group chat.

**dkdk:** aww c’mon gyu

**dkdk:** everyone has been good so far

**gentlejosh:** He just moved into the apartment next to mine

**gentlejosh:** And apparently he’s starting at the high school next week as a junior

**booboothefool:** Aww!! Please Mingyu???? He’s our age!!!!!

**tallgyu:** sigh.

**tallgyu:** okay, but on one condition. tell me what your wish was seungkwan!

**tallgyu:** i’m curious.

**booboothefool:** >:(

**booboothefool:** Fine

**booboothefool:** I wished to find love. There, happy???

**tallgyu:** yes.

**tallgyu:** okay josh, add the guy.

 

**_gentlejosh_ ** has added  **_rapgodhvc_ ** to the group.

 

**callmesoon:** RAP GOD

**callmesoon:** HAHAHAA

**booboothefool:** Stop bullying him he just joined!!

**rapgodhvc:** sup.

**rapgodhvc:** lemme link you guys to my soundcloud.

**rapgodhvc:** y’all can check out my mixtape.

**tallgyu:** jesus christ.

**dkdk:** he’s one of THOSE people

**dkdk:** nice going seungkwan

**booboothefool:** What?!? He just wants friends!!!

**booboothefool:** I’ll listen to his mixtape if it means forming a new friendship~

**rapgodhvc:** thanks dude.

**rapgodhvc:** im hansol by the way.

**moonjun:** welcome to the chat ^.^

**bagofluck:** hello, new guy! :-)

**dab8:** hows it goin

**tallgyu:** hi, i guess.

**dkdk:** we’re all a little weird here

**dkdk:** that’s what makes us special

**dkdk:** you’ll come to find that out soon enough

**dkdk:** heheheh

**tallgyu:** you say that like it’s a good thing.

**callmesoon:** Isn’t it??

**tallgyu:** well….


	4. he had it coming.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> callmesoon: Hello
> 
> callmesoon: Did someone say...life of the party??

January 12th, 4:09 P.M.

 

**booboothefool:** Guys

**booboothefool:** Someone called me “thick” today

**dab8:** omg

**booboothefool:** What does that mean?????

**dkdk:** you thicc

**rapgodhvc:** where i come from, it means you have a nice...uh

**rapgodhvc:** posterior region.

**callmesoon:** HAHAHA

**callmesoon:** Seungkwan it means your ass is poppin

**callmesoon:** And whoever told you that aint lying

**dkdk:** i mean….

**dkdk:** the man is right

**dab8:** who told u that seungkwan?

**booboothefool:** Some random guy at lunch

**booboothefool:** When I said I wanted to find love this year I didn’t mean I wanted random men to CATCALL me

**tallgyu:** i don’t know if i would call that catcalling exactly...

**bagofluck** : that sounds quite traumatizing.

**gentlejosh:** I’ve been called thicc before B)

**callmesoon:** Getcho sunglass emoji lookin ass outta here boy

**callmesoon:** You aint thick, youre a STICC

**dkdk:** i just   choked o  nmy water

**dkdk:** my life flashed  before my eyes

**callmesoon** : That isnt the only thing youll be choking on today ;-)

**dab8** : lol

**dab8** : exposed

**rapgodhvc** : uh

**rapgodhvc** : are you two dating?

**callmesoon** : No

**dkdk** : we’ve actually been married for 7 years.

**dkdk** : shocking, i know

**gentlejosh** : There’s no way you two are married

**gentlejosh** : Married couples always bicker

**bagofluck** : I have never seen you guys fight. ever.

**dkdk** : dude

**dkdk** : just last week we fought HARDCORE

**callmesoon** : Yeah

**callmesoon** : See, Seokmin likes to pee with the toilet seat up like some sort of civilized person

**callmesoon** : And we were hanging at my place

**callmesoon** : So I go into the bathroom to...yknow...empty out the pipes

**booboothefool** : I didn’t know you were a plumber!!!!

**dab8** : omg

**moonjun** : seungkwan, he means he had to poop

**moonjun** : the good ol’ number 2

**booboothefool** : Oh…..

**callmesoon** : Anyway, moving on….

**callmesoon** : I go in there to take care of business and this asshole

**callmesoon** : LEFT THE FUCKING TOILET SEAT UP

**dkdk** : dude. i was raised to have manners

**callmesoon** : MY ASS SAT IN TOILET WATER

**callmesoon** : It haunts me….no matter how hard I wipe my buttcheeks with a towel..

**callmesoon** : I can feel it in my nightmares

**tallgyu** : that….is the dumbest thing i think i’ve ever heard.

**tallgyu** : and we’ve known each other for a while now.

**tallgyu** : so that’s certainly saying something.

**dkdk** : its the ghost of toilets past

**callmesoon** : I’ll never forgive you for that

**dkdk** : yes you will

**dkdk** : you love me ;-D

**dab8** : seokmin ur such a snake

**dab8** : snakemin

 

**_dkdk_ ** has named the group “ **_soonyoung’s broken asscheeks_ ** ”

 

**bagofluck** : haha!! soonyoung, what do you have to say for yourself?

**callmesoon** : Seokmin…

**callmesoon** : This is war

 

 

* * *

 

 

January 13th, 2:12 A.M.

 

**callmesoon** : _ [image] _

**callmesoon** :  _ [image] _

**callmesoon** :  _ [image] _

**tallgyu** : oh...my god…

**tallgyu** : i’m saving those.

**moonjun** : is he wearing a mankini?? 

**moonjun** : fashion king.

**bagofluck** : seokmin should walk at Seoul Fashion Week.

**callmesoon** : He put that bad boy on for me and modelled 

**callmesoon** : Oh, not to mention, he got a Brazillian wax specifically for this

**dab8** : lol

**dab8** : his legs r shiny

**rapgodhvc** : that’s just petty.

**rapgodhvc** : i love it.

**dkdk** : soonyoung..

**dkdk** : we’re through

**dkdk** : i cannot believe this

**callmesoon** : You had it comin

**gentlejosh** : He had it coming

**booboothefool** : He only had himself to blame…

 

 

* * *

 

 

January 15th, 5:54 P.M.

 

**_dkdk_ ** has added  **_tallgyu_ ** ,  **_callmesoon_ ** ,  **_dab8_ ** ,  **_bagofluck_ ** ,  **_moonjun_ ** ,  **_gentlejosh_ ** ,  **_rapgodhvc_ ** to the group.

 

**_dkdk_ ** has named the group “ **_seungkwan’s birthday planning squad_ ** ”

 

**dkdk** : alright listen up fuckers

**dkdk** : seungkwan is an angel from heaven above

**dkdk** : and he deserves a kickass surprise party.

**dkdk** : we’re gonna plan this shit.

**tallgyu** : i was just thinking the same thing.

**dab8** : lol hes turning 13 right

**bagofluck** : I thought he was turning 18?

**tallgyu** : yes, he’s turning 18.

**tallgyu** : hao is just an asshole.

**moonjun** : awww, little seungkwannie growing up~

**dkdk** : ANYWAY

**dkdk** : what should we have planned for his party? this needs to be an all out effort

**gentlejosh** : I know someone who could DJ if that sounds cool

**dab8** : ooh a dj

**bagofluck** : hmm, I could be in charge of food. anyone care to help me?

**dkdk** : coughcough mingyu??

**tallgyu** : what the heck, why are you volunteering me?

**bagofluck** : mingyu, would you like to be on food duty with me?

**tallgyu** : of course! :)

**dab8** : jfc mingyu

**dkdk** : okay, the lovebirds are on food duty. josh is on music duty

**dkdk** : decorations????

**moonjun** : leave it to me and minghao

**moonjun** : we know style better than any of you weasels.

**dab8** : lol hes right

**tallgyu** : weasels??

**rapgodhvc** : i feel useless.

**rapgodhvc** : what is there for me to do?

**dkdk** : hmmmmm…..

**dkdk** : oh!!!! hansol

**dkdk** : you can be in charge of leading seungkwan to the bait

**dkdk** : just walk home with him after school is over tomorrow and make sure he has no idea what’s going on

**rapgodhvc** : okay, easy enough.

**tallgyu** : what about you seokmin?

**tallgyu** : what are you and soonyoung in charge of?

**callmesoon** : Hello

**callmesoon** : Did someone say...life of the party??

**dkdk** : exactly

**dkdk** : me and soonyoung will be in charge of getting the word out to everyone

**callmesoon** : I know all the littest people in a 100-mile radius

**dab8** : lol is littest a word

**callmesoon** : It is now!

**dkdk** : alright, on the count of 3, go team!!

**dkdk** : 1

**dkdk** : 2

**bagofluck** : go team!

**callmesoon** : Wonwoo he didn’t say 3 yet, you moldy grape

**dkdk** : 3!! go team!!!

**gentlejosh** : Go team!

**tallgyu** : go team, i guess.

**dab8** : lol go team

**rapgodhvc** : go team!

**moonjun** : go team!!~~ ^.^

**callmesoon** : I cant wait to see the look on our little boy’s face

**callmesoon** : My son

**callmesoon** : He’s finally growing up :’-)

**callmesoon** : Maybe by next week he’ll be watching Nickelodeon

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

January 16th, 7:02 A.M.

 

**booboothefool** : Ahhh, what a fantastic morning!!

**booboothefool** : ….

**booboothefool** : What a MARVELLOUS day..

**booboothefool** : Where is everyone????? :((((

**booboothefool** : It’s my birthday~~

**booboothefool** : Where are my well-wishes???????

**booboothefool** : Sigh.

**booboothefool** : You guys better greet me at school with balloons and streamers~

 

 

* * *

 

 

January 16th, 11:26 P.M.

 

**booboothefool** : I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH

**booboothefool** : TONIGHT WAS SO FUN THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER IM IN SHOCK

**dkdk** : we love you seungkwannie~

**dkdk** : we’re glad you enjoyed yourself

**dkdk** : maybe a little TOO much

**dab8** : lol im still shook from the beginning

**bagofluck:** who knew he could twerk so well?

**tallgyu** : yeah, seungkwan, that was quite the entrance.

**booboothefool** : Look, I was having a rough day

**booboothefool** : And he was being so nice to me

**booboothefool** : And I just got the urge to kiss him

**booboothefool** : And I dont regret it so you guys can stop teasing me!!!!

**moonjun** : hell yeah!!

**moonjun** : go seungkwan!!

**callmesoon** : Was everything good my son

**callmesoon** : We worked hard to plan it just right for you

**bagofluck** : it was all seokmin’s idea!

**gentlejosh** : He’s a genius

**dkdk** : thank you, thank you i know

**booboothefool** : Oh, it was wonderful!!!!

**booboothefool** : The DJ was so good!!! He knew all my favorite pop ballads!!!!

**booboothefool** : What was his name, Woozi or something weird like that??? How cute~

**gentlejosh** : Yeah, he’s pretty talented

**gentlejosh** : We go to the same university!

**tallgyu** : i always forget how old you are, josh.

**rapgodhvc** : hey guys.

**rapgodhvc** : what did i miss??

**booboothefool** : Vernonie~~ Did you have fun???

**tallgyu** : what the.

**dab8** : omg

**dab8** : what did that kiss cause

**bagofluck** : young love. :-)

**rapgodhvc** : haha, yes it was fun.

**rapgodhvc** : i’m going to sleep, talk to you all in the morning!

**booboothefool** : Goodnight~~ <33

**tallgyu** : seungkwan…

**tallgyu** : are you and him a thing?

**callmesoon** : I ship it

**moonjun** : ^^^

**booboothefool** : I like him

**booboothefool** : No shame

**booboothefool** : And he’s a pretty good kisser

**dab8** : omg

**dab8** : do we need to give u the birds and the bees talk

**bagofluck** : once upon a time, two boys liked each other very much…

**bagofluck** : one was a bird, the other was a bee. their love was forbidden.

**tallgyu** : i’m facepalming so hard right now.

**dkdk** : thats a great story wonwoo

**dkdk** : seungkwan, use protection

**booboothefool** : All we did was kiss!!!!!!!

**booboothefool** : He’s gonna have to take me out to dinner first if he wants a piece of this

**dab8** : ew

**dab8** : gross

**moonjun** : i dont want to picture this. 

**callmesoon** : Well guys

**callmesoon** : I’d call tonight a success

**callmesoon** : Just hold off on the succ-sex if you know what I mean Seungkwan

**booboothefool** : I hate you

**tallgyu** : and to think, i thought tonight i wouldn’t have to lose as many brain cells from this chat.

**tallgyu** : i was very wrong.


	5. the screen name dilemma.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dab8: lol guys  
> dab8: we’re gonna get our phones taken  
> dab8: oh shit

January 19th, 7:03 P.M.

 

**_booboothefool_ ** has added  **_dkdk_ ** ,  **_callmesoon_ ** ,  **_tallgyu_ ** ,  **_bagofluck_ ** to the group.

 

**_booboothefool_ ** has named the group “ **_HELP ME_ ** ”

 

**booboothefool** : GUYS

**booboothefool** : I NEED HELP

**dkdk** : woah woah woah

**dkdk** : calm down first of all

**tallgyu** : what’s up with all the yelling, seungkwan?

**bagofluck** : is everything okay???

**dkdk** : did the same guy catcall you today?

**dkdk** : soonyoung and i can take him out for you

**callmesoon** : ^^^

**booboothefool** : No, that isn’t it

**booboothefool** : I’m having relationship problems

**bagofluck** : relationship?! 

**tallgyu** : i didn’t know you were in a relationship?? with who??

**booboothefool** : Well…

**booboothefool** : It isn’t a relationship YET

**callmesoon** : Oh god

**callmesoon** : Is it a straight guy

**callmesoon** : Seungkwan we’ve told you time and time again

**booboothefool** : That’s the thing!!!! I don’t know if he is or not!!!!

**bagofluck** : ...is this about Hansol?

**booboothefool** : How did you know?!?!?

**bagofluck** : just an educated guess.

**dkdk** : seungkwan why us

**dkdk** : if you need help, why ask us??

**booboothefool** : Well, you all are in good relationships so…

**tallgyu** : i’m not?

**dkdk** : neither am i….

**callmesoon** : Bro

**callmesoon** : You are

**callmesoon** : With me wtf

**dkdk** : ohhhhhh

**dkdk** : and mingyu with wonwoo

**dkdk** : makes sense!!

**tallgyu** : what the.

**tallgyu** : me and wonwoo aren’t dating!!! what the hell, seungkwan??

**bagofluck** : well would you want to?

**bagofluck** : I am not opposed to the idea.

**booboothefool** : Okay, you two can figure out your situation later

**booboothefool** : Help me first!!!

**callmesoon** : Well whats the dilemma

**callmesoon** : You and Hansol kissed, I’m pretty sure that means hes into you

**dkdk** : yeah

**dkdk** : he didnt complain when you got drunk on margarita mix at your party and started shaking your ass all over him

**booboothefool** : ….

**booboothefool** : But whenever we hang out he seems bored!!!

**dkdk** : dude, maybe thats just his personality

**dkdk** : just get to know the guy

**callmesoon** : He doesn’t talk much in the the group chat……

**callmesoon** : I think hes shy

**tallgyu** : seungkwan, find common interests.

**tallgyu** : what does he like?

**booboothefool** : Well he raps…

**booboothefool** : But I hate rap :(((

**bagofluck** : you’re doomed.

**dkdk** : fuck off wonwoo that isnt true

**dkdk** : im pretty sure mingyu doesnt even know how to read and yet

**dkdk** : hes in love with you, a guy who reads books

**tallgyu** : seokmin, die.

**callmesoon** : The man has a point

**callmesoon** : The most unlikely pairs can sometimes work out

**booboothefool** : Alright :( I’ll try really hard

**dkdk** : go get him tiger

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

January 19th, 9:22 P.M.

 

**dab8** : hey does anyone have the homework for tonight

**dab8** : my dog ate mine

**tallgyu** : hao…

**tallgyu** : you don’t have a dog.

**bagofluck** : you need pages 3 and 4? I can hook you up.

**callmesoon** : LOL

**callmesoon** : Wonwoo arent you the teaching assistant

**dkdk** : yeah why are you helping us cheat

**bagofluck** : well, I wouldn’t call it cheating…

**bagofluck** : just...helping each other out.

**moonjun** : junior homework sounds so easy (个_个)

**callmesoon** : I’d kill to be a junior again

**callmesoon** : But we get to graduate this year suckaaaazzzzz

**gentlejosh** : Lol

**gentlejosh** : Been there, done that

**moonjun** : shut up josh

**moonjun** : shouldn’t you be studying for college or whatever it is you do??

**gentlejosh** : I’m actually working on some songs

**gentlejosh** : I play guitar, so I like to mess around here and there

**bagofluck** : do you know anything by Metallica?

**gentlejosh** : No, it’s an acoustic guitar

**bagofluck** : so? anything is possible.

**dab8** : so uh

**dab8** : the homework? lol

**bagofluck** : right! sorry.

**bagofluck** : _ [image] _

**dab8** : thanks man

 

**_callmesoon_ ** has named the group “ **_Cheating Hooligans_ ** ”

 

**moonjun** : savage

**callmesoon** : I call it like I see it

 

**_dkdk_ ** has named the group “ **_fuck off soonyoung_ ** ”

 

**_callmesoon_ ** has named the group “ **_Suck my dick Seokmin_ ** ”

 

**_dkdk_ ** has named the group “ **_only if you ask nicely ;-D_ ** ”

 

**_tallgyu_ ** has named the group “ **_change the name again and you die_ ** ”

 

**dkdk** : mingyu always has to ruin the fun

**callmesoon** : Bro, lighten up

**callmesoon** : How do you sit with that stick up your ass

**tallgyu** : very carefully.

**dab8** : lol

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

January 20th, 12:53 A.M.

 

**callmesoon** : Seokmin

**callmesoon** : Seokmin

**callmesoon** : Seokmin

**callmesoon** : Bro

**callmesoon** : Love of my life

**dkdk** : you called??

**dkdk** : what’s up dude

**callmesoon** : So, I’m sitting here

**callmesoon** : And I had a moment of enlightenment

**dkdk** : oh jeeze

**dkdk** : thats never a good start

**callmesoon** : Fuck off

**callmesoon** : Anyway, I realized, I’ve known you SO long

**callmesoon** : But I don’t know what your screen name means

**callmesoon** : And I was trying to sleep but I can’t do it because it’s bugging me not knowing

**gentlejosh** : Why are you guys awake

**gentlejosh** : Isn’t it a school night?

**dab8** : im up

**dab8** : sleep is for the weak

**dab8** : soonyoung u have a good point

**dab8** : ive been wondering that all my life

**dkdk** : well…

**dkdk** : what do YOU think it means?

**callmesoon** : Donkey kong?????

**dab8** : omg

**rapgodhvc** : y’know if you switch the first letters it spells konkey dong.

**dab8** : where tf did u come from

**callmesoon** : KONKEY DONG

**gentlejosh** : I’m just gonna leave

**dkdk** : in all honesty i have no idea what it means either

**dkdk** : let’s just say it means donkey kong

**dkdk** : i dont understand the meaning of half your screen names either

**dab8** : have u ever heard of dabbing

**tallgyu** : why is my phone being spammed?

**tallgyu** : oops, nevermind, i saw the word dabbing. i’m out.

**dkdk** : okay so minghao is a meme-loving fuck, hansol thinks his mixtape is fire, gyu is tall as shit…

**dkdk** : but other than that, the screen name dilemma is huge

**callmesoon** : Mine is a pickup line

**dab8** : lol how

**callmesoon** : My name is Soonyoung…

**callmesoon** : But you can call me soon ;)

**dkdk** : bro, i love you…

**dkdk** : but that is disgusting

**dkdk** : i just lost years off my life reading that.

**callmesoon** : I can assume Josh’s means he’s a gentleman or something dumb like that

**callmesoon** : Wonwoo’s is random and beyond my mental capacity

**callmesoon** : And Jun’s is just gay af

**dab8** : maybe he likes the moon

**dab8** : maybe hes an alien

**dkdk** : hao, if anyone in here is an alien, it’s you

**dkdk** : your neck is just so…...freakishly long

**dab8** : gee thanks

**callmesoon** : Bro

**callmesoon** : I’m going to sleep

**callmesoon** : My mind is scrambled eggs

**dkdk** : sleep well babycakes~

**dab8** : ew

 

 

* * *

 

 

January 20th, 1:44 P.M.

 

**dkdk** : that awkward moment when wonwoo collects homework in 5th period

**dkdk** : and you see gyu’s eyes following his ass around as he walks

**dkdk** : like damn could you be any more obvious

**tallgyu** : seokmin.

**tallgyu** : what if i just…

**dkdk** : dude wtf 

**dkdk** : hitting me with a spitball??? really???

**booboothefool** : Seokmin you provoked him!!!!

**booboothefool** : Mingyu please don’t hit me I’ve been nothing but nice to you

**tallgyu** : don’t worry.

**tallgyu** : what are you gonna do about it, seokmin?

**dab8** : lol guys

**dab8** : we’re gonna get our phones taken

**dab8** : oh shit

**callmesoon** : ….

**moonjun** : i think their phones are gone

**moonjun** : what a shame

**moonjun** : that’s whatcha get for texting in class

**callmesoon** : Jun stfu we’re in History right now texting

**moonjun** : right…

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

January 20th, 3:01 P.M.

 

**bagofluck** : all in a day’s work, boys.

**bagofluck** : all in a day’s work.

**callmesoon** : HAHAHA

**callmesoon** : Were you the one who took their phones??

**bagofluck** : you bet.

**bagofluck** : class is no place to be texting.

**tallgyu** : wonwoo, why.

**tallgyu** : i thought we were cool.

**bagofluck** : oh, we are. I just wanted to have some fun.

**dab8** : lol what a savage

**booboothefool** : Wonwoo!!!!!! I was so scared!!!!! :’-(((

**booboothefool** : I’ve never gotten in trouble before :-(((((

**bagofluck** : haha, seungkwan it’s fine, I promise.

**bagofluck** : Mr. Kang had no idea what was going on.

**dkdk** : im still shook

**callmesoon** : That’ll teach you punks to not text in class

**dkdk** : what the FUCK is up soonyoung

**callmesoon** : ….

**dkdk** : no, what did you say

**dkdk** : what the FUCK dude

**dkdk** : step the FUCK up soonyoung

**booboothefool** : I’m a slut for drama

**dab8** : omg

**dab8** : i wanna see a fight

**dab8** : i didnt pay to not see a fight

**tallgyu** : you didn’t pay at all??

**callmesoon** : Bro

**callmesoon** : My brotastic bro

**callmesoon** : My love for you is as deep as the brocean

**moonjun** : i’m gonna barf

**dkdk** : soonyoung…

**dkdk** : i forgive you

**dkdk** : my dude

**dkdk** : the Bromeo to my Juliet

**callmesoon** : I love you bro <3333

**dkdk** : <333333333


	6. this is my confession.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dkdk: shhh, are those wedding bells i hear??

January 22nd, 5:14 P.M.

 

**callmesoon** : I have

**callmesoon** : The WORST cold

**callmesoon** : Can anyone bring me some Night Quill

**tallgyu** : …

**tallgyu** : do you mean nyquil?

**dab8** : lol night quill

**callmesoon** : Isn’t that how it’s spelled??

**bagofluck** : soonyoung, it’s Nyquil.

**bagofuck** : y’know, the opposite of Dayquil.

**callmesoon** : Stop bullying me I’m delusional

**dkdk** : dude, are you okay?

**dkdk** : i can stop by your place with some chicken noodle soup

**dkdk** : you need to fuel that sickness with good nutrition

**moonjun** : nutrition starts with nut (✿´ ꒳ ` )

**dab8** : omg

**dab8** : someone cover seungkwans eyes

**booboothefool** : What the heck

**booboothefool** : I am old enough to know what nuts are

**booboothefool** : Peanuts, cashews, pecans, you name it

**bagofluck** : seungkwan, I don’t think you understand...nevermind. it’s for the best.

**tallgyu** : soonyoung, are you stocked up on tissues?

**dkdk** : oh trust me

**dkdk** : he is

**dkdk** : he does a lot of...yknow…

**dkdk** :  _ [image] _

**bagofluck** : why did you send a picture of a steak and a meat cleaver?

**bagofluck** : ohhhh, nevermind.

**dab8** : lol

**callmesoon** : Oh my god

**callmesoon** : I just managed to look in the mirror

**callmesoon** : I look like Voldemort on a good day

**dkdk** : hey, thats not half bad then

**moonjun** : HARRY

**moonjun** : DIDYOUPUTCHERNAMEINTHEGOBLETOFFIRE ૮(ꂧ᷆⺫ꂧ᷇)ა

**tallgyu** : jesus christ.

**gentlejosh** : You rang?

**dab8** : lol josh fuck off

**callmesoon** : You guys are no help

**callmesoon** : As usual

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

January 23rd, 6:25 P.M.

 

**booboothefool** : I just dropped my phone and cracked the corner :(((((

**callmesoon** : My neck

**callmesoon** : My back

**callmesoon** : Lick my pussy and my crack

**dab8** : omg

**tallgyu** : so i take it you’re okay now, soonyoung.

**callmesoon** : O kay?(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻ I'm never okay. Always worried bout gettin abandoned (;﹏;) I stay cravin that attention and validation ᕙ(▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿) ᕗ

**bagofluck** : dang.

**bagofluck** : that’s depressing.

**tallgyu** : ^^^

**dab8** : guys

**dab8** :  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5oCLKFbPwA ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5oCLKFbPwA)

**bagofluck** : I think my brain just melted a little out of my ears.

**gentlejosh** : Aww

**gentlejosh** : What a good pupper

**tallgyu** : minghao where and how do you find these things?

**dkdk** : ive told y’all

**dkdk** : he’s a meme-loving fuck

**dab8** : just call me dankhao

**tallgyu** : why am i friends with you people?

**dkdk** : because

**dab8** : u love us gyu

**tallgyu** : love is a very strong word…

**dkdk** : bet you’d have no problem using it with mr. bagofluck ;-D

**bagofluck** : oh, leave him alone.

**bagofluck** : how would you all feel if he teased you constantly for having a crush?

**bagofluck** : quite frankly, I doubt you’d enjoy it.

**bagofluck** : so what he likes me? maybe I like him too, but you all don’t bug me about it.

**bagofluck** : mingyu doesn’t deserve to be belittled for his feelings.

**callmesoon** : Holy shit….

**callmesoon** : Wonwoo snapped

**dkdk** : i am so sorry

**dkdk** : gyu, please forgive me

**dkdk** : i never meant any of what i said i was just having fun

**tallgyu** : it’s really okay…

**tallgyu** : wow…

**moonjun** : wonwoo is scary when he’s mad ◑.◑

**moonjun** : and lowkey really hot

**dab8** : ….

**dab8** : i feel bad now

 

**_dab8_ ** has left the group.

**_dkdk_ ** has left the group.

 

**tallgyu** : oh my gosh.

**tallgyu** : i really didn’t mind all that much, wonwoo. it was really okay.

**tallgyu** : now they’re never gonna be themselves here again.

**callmesoon** : Jeesh

**callmesoon** : I’ve never seen Seokmin so apologetic

**moonjun** : yikes

**gentlejosh** : There’s gotta be a way to talk this out

**bagofluck** : it was just...sad to see them bully you like that, mingyu.

**tallgyu** : you said you liked me too. was that true?

**moonjun** : DATE DATE DATE

**tallgyu** : jun, i’ll fight.

**bagofluck** : yeah, maybe it is true.

**rapgodhvc** : hey guys

**rapgodhvc** : oh wow, i’m getting serious bad vibes right now

**booboothefool** : Oh, Mingyu!!! Seokmin and Minghao called me crying :(((((

**booboothefool** : I feel so bad because I was a part of it too :((((((((((((

**tallgyu** : seungkwan, hush. it’s alright…

 

**_tallgyu_ ** has added  **_dkdk_ ** , **_dab8_ ** to the group.

 

**tallgyu** : guys, i’m not mad at you. wonwoo isn’t either.

**tallgyu** : are you both okay?

**tallgyu** : no hard feelings..?

**dkdk** : welp, id say our job here is done hao

**dkdk** : a fantastic performance yet again

**callmesoon** : ….

**dab8** : lol gyu

**dab8** : we just pranked you all so hard

**tallgyu** : what???

**dkdk** : you’re welcome buddy

**bagofluck** : wait, that was all a prank? you guys aren’t actually pissed at me?

**dkdk** : of course not!! we just knew mingyu could use a confession of feelings

**dkdk** : and boy oh boy, you played right into it wonwoo

**dab8** : thanks buddy

**tallgyu** : what the actual hell.

**tallgyu** : so did you not call seungkwan just now crying???

**booboothefool** : Sorry Mingyu :)))

**booboothefool** : I was in on the joke

**bagofluck** : well, if you all don’t mind, I am going to go sleep for 2 weeks straight.

**tallgyu** : i don’t know whether to be pissed off or impressed.

**moonjun** : that was intense

**callmesoon** : Seokmin

**callmesoon** : You are an evil genius

**dkdk** : bro

**dkdk** : that means so much to me

**dkdk** : thank you <333333

**callmesoon** : <3333

**tallgyu** : i’m done.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

January 23rd, 8:49 P.M.

 

**_bagofluck_ ** has started a private chat with  **_tallgyu_ ** .

 

**bagofluck** : so…

**bagofluck** : how’s the weather up there?

**tallgyu** : that doesn’t really work, wonwoo.

**tallgyu** : we’re basically almost the same height.

**tallgyu** : but it’s nice.

**bagofluck** : I am trying to be smooth here.

**bagofluck** : and I was just shot down.

**tallgyu** : i’ve learned a lot from seokmin and soonyoung when it comes to “savagery.”

**bagofluck** : so, what I said earlier…

**bagofluck** : I really do feel that way.

**bagofluck** : and I was wondering if that was okay with you.

**tallgyu** : well, i’m not gonna complain.

**tallgyu** : i’ve pretty much had a crush on you since the start of the year.

**tallgyu** : and for soonyoung to add you to the chat a while ago...it was frightening.

**tallgyu** : i knew my friends would tease me about it, but it was okay.

**tallgyu** : i had to own up to it sooner or later.

**bagofluck** : would you have confessed to me?

**tallgyu** : no.

**tallgyu** : i’d rather live in my shame.

**tallgyu** : but since you say you like me too...yeah, i guess this is my confession.

**bagofluck** : cool.

**tallgyu** : cool?

**bagofluck** : yeah, cool. this is cool.

**tallgyu** : wow, when soonyoung said you had the personality of a walnut he sure wasn’t joking.

**bagofluck** : he said that?!?

**bagofluck** : that bastard....

**tallgyu** : i mean, i don’t think you do.

**tallgyu** : i think you’re pretty interesting.

**bagofluck** : well that means a lot coming from the legend himself.

**tallgyu** : legend?

**tallgyu** : how am i a legend?

**bagofluck** : you started the group chat!

**bagofluck** : you singlehandedly brought a bunch of people together and formed friendships.

**bagofluck** : AND relationships.

**tallgyu** : relationships???

**bagofluck** : well, yeah. seungkwan and hansol, soonyoung and seokmin

**tallgyu** : i wouldn’t call THAT a relationship…

**bagofluck** : and me and you.

**tallgyu** : me…

**tallgyu** : and you.

**tallgyu** : right.

**tallgyu** : are you suggesting what i think you’re suggesting.

**bagofluck** : would you like to go on a date with me?

**bagofluck** : I know all the coolest coffee shops around here.

**bagofluck** : or we could go birdwatching.

**bagofluck** : or to the library!

**bagofluck** : sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself.

**tallgyu** : that sounds good to me.

**tallgyu** : you’ll be dating a legend.

**bagofluck** : ….

**bagofluck** : #cancelled.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

January 24th, 3:04 P.M.

 

**booboothefool** : YOU GUYS

**booboothefool** : GUESS WHO I JUST SAW AT STARBUCKS

**dkdk** : jyp?

**dkdk** : exo-m?

**dkdk** : all of girls generation??

**booboothefool** : NO

**dab8** : lol he wishes

**booboothefool** : WONWOO AND MINGYU

**booboothefool** : I went in to get a unicorn frappuccino and they were there!!!!!

**booboothefool** : Making googly eyes at each other from across the table!!!!!!!!!!!!

**callmesoon:** Awww

**callmesoon** : I guess they finally got their heads out their asses and went out

**dkdk** : young love <3333

**moonjun** : did you eavesdrop on what they were talking about??

**booboothefool** : Jun that’s evil!!!!!

**booboothefool** : But yes I did

**booboothefool** : Wonwoo was making dad jokes

**dkdk** : ew gross

**dab8** : typical

**booboothefool** : But the worst part is….Mingyu was LAUGHING

**dkdk** : oh dear god

**dkdk** : the boy is too far gone now

**dkdk** : shhh, are those wedding bells i hear??

**dab8** : lol

**dab8** : mingyu is such a kiss ass

**callmesoon** : How funny would it be if Mingyu was just dating the teaching assistant to raise his grade in the class

**dkdk** : ….

**dkdk** : wait a second dude

**dkdk** : you might be onto something here…

**dab8** : omg

**dab8** : mingyu has probably been playing us this whole time

**dab8** : how could he

**dkdk** : im gonna get to the bottom of this...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all the feedback i've received has been so cool!  
> i know my sense of humor is bad...coughcough....terrible...  
> but leave comments if you enjoy! :-)


	7. relevant memes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> callmesoon: Dat boi is dead
> 
> dkdk: …..
> 
> dkdk: just like our relationship

January 24th, 7:50 P.M.

 

 **tallgyu** : y’know, i’m so curious as to why you all feel the need to roast me.

 **tallgyu** : last time i checked, my name wasn’t boo seungkwan.

 **callmesoon** : IM

 **callmesoon** : SO

 **callmesoon** : CURIOUS

 **callmesoon** : YEAHHHHH

 **dab8** : lol

 **dab8** : getcho shinee fanboy ass out of here

 **callmesoon** : I can’t deny my love

 **bagofluck** : yes, that’s exactly it.

 **bagofluck** : mingyu is interested in me because he wants to raise his grade.

 **bagofluck** : even though he has a higher grade than seungkwan, seokmin, and minghao combined.

 **booboothefool** : Oh my gosh really?????

 **bagofluck** : did I stutter

 **tallgyu** : face it, you’re all just jealous.

 **dkdk** : gyu, i couldnt be jealous of you when my man runs circles around yours

 **callmesoon** : Damn right

 **dab8** : i feel like im 3rd wheeling this entire chat

 **dkdk** : aww, hao, you can come on me and soonyoung’s dates

 **dkdk** : we go into walmart and try scuba diving through the cage with all the bouncy balls

 **dab8** : ill pass

 **booboothefool** : It does seem like there are a lot of relationships in here….

 **booboothefool** : But me and Vernonie are the best~

 **tallgyu** : whatever you say, seungkwan.

 **moonjun** : men are trash

 **moonjun** : that’s why im looking for a sugar daddy (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

 **callmesoon** : Well then you’ve come to the right place big boy ;-)

 **dkdk** : soonyoung

 **dkdk** : you couldnt afford the crane machine at the movie theater the other day

 **dkdk** : you arent a sugar daddy, youre more of an empty-wallet daddy

 **dab8** : lol exposed

 **booboothefool** : What’s a sugar daddy???

 **tallgyu** : OKAY we’re ending this conversation now.

 **tallgyu** : jun, best of luck to you.

 **moonjun** : why, thank you!!

 **dkdk** : jun, what does the moon in your name mean

 **dkdk** : ive always kinda wondered

 **moonjun** : maybe i like space…...donkey kong

 **dkdk** : okay no need to get defensive you shithead

 **gentlejosh** : You guys remember that DJ from the birthday party we had for Seungkwan??

 **gentlejosh** : He just sent me this link to a remix he wants “opinions” on

 **gentlejosh** : [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-sgw9bPV4A ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-sgw9bPV4A)

**dkdk** : …..

 **dkdk** : add him.

 **dkdk** : right fucking now

 **tallgyu** : what in the fresh hell was that?

 **callmesoon** : I don’t know but I want more of it

 

 **_gentlejosh_ ** has added **_woozigoon_ ** to the group.

 

 **dkdk** : the mastermind behind that video has arrived

 **dkdk** : everyone, bow down to the king

 **woozigoon** : Hello.

 **woozigoon** : I’ll assume that means you enjoyed my remix.

 **dkdk** : enjoyed???

 **dkdk** : dude

 **dkdk** : it changed me as a person

 **tallgyu** : that’s sad.

 **dab8** : it was lit af

 **bagofluck** : I do enjoy some kazoo kid…

 **tallgyu** : oh jeeze.

 **dkdk** : now we have another meme-loving fuck in the chat

 **dkdk** : amazing

 **gentlejosh** : Sup Jihoon?

 **woozigoon** : I don’t know how I feel about being in a group chat.

 **woozigoon** : The last time this happened, I ended up organizing a rave at a Gay Pride celebration in some college dorm’s basement.

 **woozigoon** : All I remember are the rainbow dildos soaring through the air...never again.

 **moonjun** : that sounds like a dream come true

 **dkdk** : so jihoon is your name huh?

 **dkdk** : then wtf is a woozi

 **woozigoon** : It’s a nickname.

 **booboothefool** : Oh its the DJ!!!!! You reminded me of a fairy~

 **woozigoon** : The hell? Is that a good thing?

 **booboothefool** : Yes??? You were so cute at my party!!!!

 **woozigoon** : Well, if you don’t mind me, I’m going to go drink bleach. Have a nice day.

 **dkdk** : good going seungkwan

 **dkdk** : you scared him

 **booboothefool** : What’s wrong with being called cute?!?!?

 **woozigoon** : I am not cute. Lesson one in Jihoon-etiquette.

 **rapgodhvc** : yo, jihoon, if you make beats we should get together.

 **rapgodhvc** : im a rapper

 **woozigoon** : By rapper, do you mean wannabe Soundcloud hooligan who thinks they’re the next Future? Or Drake? Or worse, Eminem?

 **rapgodhvc** : uh

 **rapgodhvc** : yes.

 **woozigoon** : Sounds legit to me.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

January 25th, 3:32 A.M.

 

 **callmesoon** : Ring ding dong ring ding dong ringadingringading ding ding

 **callmesoon** : What am I doing with my life

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

January 25th, 11:42 A.M.

 

 **moonjun** : do you ever think about how old you are in dog years

 **moonjun** : because in dog years, we’d all be dead

 **tallgyu** : what runs through your mind on a daily basis?

 **gentlejosh** : Are you guys texting in class again?

 **moonjun** : yes

 **moonjun** : are you?

 **gentlejosh** : No, I’m finished with classes for the day

 **gentlejosh** : You all would know that if you weren’t so young

 **booboothefool** : You’re literally like 2 years older, no fair

 **woozigoon** : Oh yeah, you guys are still in high school.

 **woozigoon** : Oh wait.

 **woozigoon** : So am I.

 **callmesoon** : HAHA nerd

 **callmesoon** : You a senior??

 **woozigoon** : Yes.

 **callmesoon** : LIT

 **callmesoon** : Now there’s 4 of us

 **dkdk** : well there’s 4 of us too

 **woozigoon** : Juniors?

 **dkdk** : yeah, me, mingyu, minghao, and seungkwan

 **callmesoon** : Now we have me, Jihoon, Jun, and Wonwoo

 **callmesoon** : Jihoon, you don’t go to our school do you

 **woozigoon** : I’m homeschooled.

 **woozigoon** : In 1st grade, I had an incident in public school where I broke a kid’s finger *allegedly* for borrowing one of my crayons.

 **woozigoon** : My mom never sent me back.

 **dab8** : holy shit

 **dab8** : this guy is wild

 **booboothefool** : He really doesnt look that scary though!!!! He was adorable at the party~

 **woozigoon** : Say that one more time and we’ll see how many “boo boo’s” you end up with.

 **tallgyu** : you heard the man, seungkwan.

 **booboothefool** : Vernonie will defend me~

 **rapgodhvc** : that’s debatable

 **dab8** : lol savage

 **gentlejosh** : Wish me luck you guys

 **gentlejosh** : I have to go tutor some guy named Jeonghan for an English credit

 **booboothefool** : Good luck Joshua~~

 **bagofluck** : speaking of tutoring…

 **bagofluck** : ...and english…

 **bagofluck** : where is seokmin? he’s failing super bad right now.

 **callmesoon** : CALL HIM OUT

 **dkdk** : bro

 **dkdk** : chill

 **dkdk** : c’s get degrees, wonwoo

 **bagofluck** : that’s great and all, but you have less than an F right now.

 **moonjun** : tragic

 **dkdk** : thats impossible

 **bagofluck** : no, it really isn’t. you somehow found a way to insert memes into your research paper and that was a whole 25% of your grade.

 **dkdk** : they were relevant memes

 **bagofluck** : Mr. Kang didn’t seem to appreciate them

 **bagofluck** : I, however, did...but that’s besides the point.

 **bagofluck** : you can’t just throw Dat Boi into a paragraph having to do with Shakespeare.

 **dab8** : dang

 **dab8** : dude if ur gonna use memes at least use current ones

 **dkdk** : dat boi will always have a special place in my heart

 **callmesoon** : Dat boi is dead

 **dkdk** : …..

 **dkdk** : just like our relationship

 **dkdk** : i cant believe its ending this way soonyoung

 **dkdk** : bros who meme together achieve their dreams together

 **dkdk** : i guess that means nothing to you anymore

 **tallgyu** : honestly, i wonder if there’s a way to figure out how many IQ points i’ve dropped since creating this chat.

 **bagofluck** : oh, I would wager around 20 by this point.

 **booboothefool** : You can’t lose what you never had!!!

 **booboothefool** : That’s why I’m safe :)

 **dab8** : seungkwan

 **dab8** : u just roasted urself

 **callmesoon** : HAHAHA

 **booboothefool** : Well, I figure if I dont do it then its bound to happen eventually anyway

 **booboothefool** : There’s more logic to me than it seems

 **rapgodhvc** : you can’t call yourself logical, seungkwan

 **rapgodhvc** : you told me to wear a baseball cap when we facetime

 **booboothefool** : Vernonie~

 **booboothefool** : I love you, but the new haircut makes you look like a mushroom

 **dab8** : oh shit

 **dab8** : hes not wrong

 **tallgyu** : seungkwan is on a roll right now.

 **dkdk** : ooh, roast me roast me!!

 **booboothefool** : Uhhhhh

 **booboothefool** : I dont think its a coincidence that Seokmin rhymes with virgin

 **dkdk** : damn

 **dkdk** : you’re right

 **dkdk** : i havent lost my virginity because i never lose

 **callmesoon** : Relatable

 **moonjun** : seungkwan don’t you be talking about other people being virgins

 **moonjun** : you didn’t even know what a sugar daddy was

 **booboothefool** : I cant help being the most innocent one here~

 **bagofluck** : don’t ruin seungkwan’s childhood.

 **woozigoon** : Santa isn’t real. Neither is the Easter bunny. Or the tooth fairy.

 **booboothefool** : WHAT

 **woozigoon** : :-)


	8. his poor scalp.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> callmesoon: Nice 4th wall break
> 
> bagofluck: thank you.

January 30th, 12:28 P.M.

 

 **booboothefool** : Guys

 **booboothefool** : I think I want to dye my hair!!!

 **tallgyu** : that ruins your scalp, seungkwan.

 **callmesoon** : Do it

 **callmesoon** : What color???

 **booboothefool** : Probably blonde

 **dkdk** : ooooooh

 **dkdk** : i could see that

 **dab8** : u should go red

 **callmesoon** : Ew no he’d look like a tampon

 **bagofluck** : I find it hilarious that you know what a tampon is…

 **booboothefool** : So should I?????

 **tallgyu** : i dunno, seungkwan…

 **dkdk** : 

 **dkdk** : do it

 **dab8** : omg

 **dab8** : a picture

 **bagofluck** : wow, that’s much better than “[image]” am I right?

 **callmesoon** : Nice 4th wall break

 **bagofluck** : thank you.

 **tallgyu** : it’s your choice seungkwan. go bald or go home.

 **moonjun** : wig

 **moonjun** : SNATCHEDT

 **gentlejosh** : I think you should do it

 **gentlejosh** : Life is about taking risks

 **gentlejosh** : Experience things, y’know

 **dkdk** : …..

 **dkdk** : that’s so fake deep but its so right

 **dab8** : yolo!!

 **booboothefool** : Okay thank you guys!!!!!!

 **booboothefool** : I wanna look HOT

 **rapgodhvc** : you already have a man, though

 **rapgodhvc** : and you couldn’t be hot if you tried. you’re too cute

 **dkdk** : savage

 **callmesoon** : Seungkwan is like a fluffy bunny

 **callmesoon** : But even the cutest bunnies can turn into rabbits ;)

 **booboothefool** : I don’t know what that implies

 **booboothefool** : But I relate to it

 **tallgyu** : wow while we’re at it, we should all dye our hair.

 **tallgyu** : i’m feeling orange.

 **bagofluck** : mingyu, no.

 **bagofluck** : something tells me that’s a really bad idea.

 **tallgyu** : you’re right, i’d look like a highlighter.

 **gentlejosh** : So you guys remember that guy I said I tutored the other day??

 **gentlejosh** : Turns out he’s a little bitch

 **dab8** : omg

 **dkdk** : why???

 **gentlejosh** : He kept trying to tell me I was wrong and he was right

 **gentlejosh** : And he was being a stubborn CHILD

 **gentlejosh** : God I’ve never met someone so frustrating

 **dkdk** : he sounds cool

 **dkdk** : you should add him

 **tallgyu** : no more people.

 **bagofluck** : how many people can be in a chat, anyway?

 **woozigoon** : Hi.

 **woozigoon** : Also, I don’t think there’s a limit.

 **tallgyu** : unless we know the person from school, no adding.

 **tallgyu** : this started for school! now there’s just a bunch of memes, gay shit, and random people in here.

 **dkdk** : it’s a beautiful combination gyu

 **bagofluck** : I think we should just keep adding to the group dynamic.

 **booboothefool** : I do too!!!!

 **booboothefool** : The more the merrier!!!!

 **tallgyu** : jesus christ.

 **gentlejosh** : I’ll add him

 **gentlejosh** : Maybe he won’t be as terrible when thrown into a chat full of high schoolers

 **tallgyu** : don’t say i didn’t warn you.

 

 **_gentlejosh_ ** has added **_1004angel_ ** to the group.

 

 **dkdk** : see gyu?? he has the word angel in his name

 **dkdk** : that means he must be a good guy

 **1004angel** : Hello

 **1004angel** : 

 **dkdk** : okay i spoke too soon

 **gentlejosh** : Hey Jeonghan

 **gentlejosh** : This is the group chat I told you about the other day

 **gentlejosh** : Everyone do an introduction if you want

 **1004angel** : Ooh, how delightful

 **dkdk** : hey im seokmin

 **callmesoon** : I’m Soonyoung

 **tallgyu** : i’m mingyu.

 **moonjun** : hiiii im jun, junhui, either one ヾ(＾∇＾)

 **booboothefool** : I’m Seungkwan!!!!!

 **woozigoon** : I’m Jihoon.

 **dab8** : lol im minghao u can call me hao

 **bagofluck** : hey, I’m Wonwoo

 **rapgodhvc** : yo, im hansol

 **gentlejosh** : Is that everyone??

 **1004angel** : Nice to meet you all, I’m Jeonghan

 **1004angel** : You can call me Jeonghan

 **dkdk** : good to know

 **dkdk** : fyi, mingyu was against adding you

 **tallgyu** : we have too many people in here!

 **1004angel** : Wow, how rude

 **1004angel** : Not even worth giving me a chance, huh?

 **bagofluck** : hey, back off.

 **bagofluck** : you’re here now!

 **callmesoon** : Jeeze Wonwoo

 **callmesoon** : Stop being scary

 **booboothefool** : Now we have 2 college students here!!!!

 **booboothefool** : I feel so young :(((

 **dab8** : lol

 **dab8** : little boi

 **1004angel** : Ew, you’re all high schoolers

 **1004angel** : Who’s the youngest in here?

 **booboothefool** : It’s Vernonie~

 **1004angel** : Who?

 **dkdk** : he means hansol

 **dkdk** : his 18th birthday is coming up in february

 **dkdk** : same day as my birthday!!

 **1004angel** : Good to know

 **1004angel** : I’m in the presence of children

 **1004angel** : Joshua, you didn’t tell me babies could type??

 **callmesoon** : Oh my god

 **callmesoon** : This guy is like….itching for a fight

 **dkdk** : square up dude

 **1004angel** : 

 **1004angel** : sQuArE uP dUdE

 **dab8** : holy shit

 **dab8** : i love u jeonghan

 **dab8** : a straight savage

 **1004angel** : You’ll come to learn from the best, boys

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

January 31st, 3:09 P.M.

 

 **callmesoon** : Where is Seungkwan

 **callmesoon** : 

 **rapgodhvc** : he’s currently getting his hair colored.

 **rapgodhvc** : it’s hard for him to type right now

 **callmesoon** : He’s actually doing it oh my god

 **dkdk** : i hope he goes blonde

 **dkdk** : his melanin would POP

 **dab8** : ^^^

 **tallgyu** : his poor scalp.

 **bagofluck** : hmm, I bet he’ll look so different.

 **dkdk** : yknow what ive noticed

 **dkdk** : you guys always seem to type right after the other

 **tallgyu** : we’re actually telepathic.

 **bagofluck** : yes, me and mingyu can sense when the other will be typing. that way, we know when to send our messages.

 **dab8** : nerds

 **dab8** : im tired of yall

 **dab8** : ugly ass lovey dovey relationship

 **1004angel** : Ooh, scandalous

 **1004angel** : I’m a messy bitch who LIVES for drama

 **tallgyu** : looks like you’ll get along with seungkwan quite well.

 **dkdk** : no one tops seungkwan when it comes to being a drama queen

 **1004angel** : Oh really?

 **1004angel** : We’ll see about that

 **bagofluck** : well, joshua did tell us that you were a little bitch.

 **1004angel** : Normally, I would be offended

 **1004angel** : But coming from Joshua, I’m flattered

 **1004angel** : We have an….understanding

 **callmesoon** : Are y’all fuckin

 **dkdk** : soonyoung how rude

 **dkdk** : you can’t just ask someone that

 **callmesoon** : Okay fine

 **callmesoon** : Are you and Joshua….doing the do

 **callmesoon** : Gettin it on

 **callmesoon** : Buttering each others biscuits, if you will

 **dab8** : omg im gonna barf

 **1004angel** : 

 **1004angel** : All in good time, boys

 **1004angel** : All in good time.

 **callmesoon** : I’ll take that as a yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hah..haha.....no i didn't /just/ figure out how to add pictures..haha  
> leave comments! feedback fuels my meme-induced inspirations.


	9. minty fresh.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dab8: lol
> 
> dab8: im more of a chill gay

February 1st, 6:54 A.M.

 

 **dkdk** : rise and shine motherfuckers

 **dkdk** : it’s fucking february

 **dkdk** : which means

 **dkdk** : it’s seokmin’s birth month

 **dkdk** : which means

 **dkdk** : you little shits better be treating me like sunshine pours outta my asshole

 **rapgodhvc** : hey, it’s my birth month too

 **rapgodhvc** : sit your ass down, we share a birthday

 **dkdk** : [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=688OPQ9WFpA ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=688OPQ9WFpA)

**rapgodhvc** : haha buddy, fuck you

 **1004angel** : Why on Earth are you kindergarteners up so early

 **1004angel** : I can’t get my beauty sleep when my phone is blowing up

 **dkdk** : here’s a tip

 **dkdk** : silence that shit

 **dab8** : jfc guys

 **dab8** : i coulda slept for 10 more minutes

 **dkdk** : wakey wakey eggs and bakey

 **dab8** : im a vegetarian tho

 **rapgodhvc** : wakey wakey vegetables

 **dab8** : 

 **dkdk** : hao you’re about as threatening as soonyoung after he’s had a few drinks

 **callmesoon** : I heard my name

 **rapgodhvc** : how could you hear it…..it’s a text

 **callmesoon** : I know when my name is in a bitch’s mouth

 **dkdk** : bro

 **dkdk** : that’s wild

 **dab8** : what can we do for u ur highness

 **dab8** : it is ur birth month after all

 **dkdk** : when i get to school later, i want a piggyback ride through the halls

 **callmesoon** : Bro

 **callmesoon** : Minghao is a twig

 **callmesoon** : Your tree trunk thighs would crush him like a bug

 **dkdk** : damn you’re right as always

 **dkdk** : fine

 **dkdk** : soonyoung, you’re in charge of carrying me

 **callmesoon** : God dammit

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

February 1st, 10:39 A.M.

 

 **bagofluck** : did anyone else see soonyoung carrying seokmin through class changes earlier?

 **moonjun** : haha yes

 **moonjun** : hey wonwoo...wanna try it out?

 **bagofluck** : fat chance, bud.

 **tallgyu** : jun, no riding wonwoo.

 **moonjun** : riiiight, i forgot that position is reserved for you  (＾ｖ＾）

 **bagofluck** : 

 **callmesoon** : My back is fucking killing me

 **gentlejosh** : Someone buy this poor man a saddle.

 **booboothefool** : I tried carrying Vernonie earlier~

 **rapgodhvc** : keyword…

 **rapgodhvc** : “tried”

 **moonjun** : where is minghao

 **moonjun** : i want him to carry me

 **dab8** : y?? whats so special about u lol

 **moonjun** : 

 **tallgyu** : jun likes to think he’s special.

 **callmesoon** : Oh please

 **callmesoon** : He likes to think he’s the baddest bitch of all time

 **1004angel** : Hello

 **1004angel** : Did someone...say my name?

 **dab8** : lol

 **gentlejosh** : Jeonghan, you act so tough now

 **gentlejosh** : When really, you came crying to me because you don’t wanna fail Lit class

 **callmesoon** : CALL HIM OUT JOSH

 **1004angel** : Shut the hell up, tic tac dick

 **dab8** : oh shit

 **callmesoon** : TIC TAC DICK

 **moonjun** : are you minty fresh, joshua??

 **woozigoon** : Hello.

 **woozigoon** : I don’t know what I just came back to, but I regret whatever it is.

 **gentlejosh** : My dick may be small, but my heart is big

 **1004angel** : And that pleases a man...how?

 **callmesoon** : I can’t take this

 **callmesoon** : I’m gonna bust out crying in class

 **bagofluck** : ...I’m beginning to think jeonghan and joshua aren’t good friends.

 **bagofluck** : just a hypothesis.

 **1004angel** : Oh don’t be silly

 **1004angel** : We’re best friends, and that’s the truth. Right Joshy-poo?

 **gentlejosh** : Of course

 **dkdk** : i never thought best friends insulted each other like that

 **dkdk** : like, me and soonyoung hype each other up

 **dkdk** : even if he had a tic tac dick

 **callmesoon** : Which I do not, by the way

 **dkdk** : i’d still boost his self-esteem by telling him it was a pretty dick

 **callmesoon** : Damn right <3333

 

 **_woozigoon_ ** has named the group “ **_Bag of Dicks_ ** ”

 

 **woozigoon** : There we go.

 **woozigoon** : That seems fitting for such a group.

 **1004angel** : Hmm…

 

 **_1004angel_ ** has named the group “ **_Bag of Dicks...and Jeonghan_ ** **_♡_ ** ”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

February 2nd, 9:04 A.M.

 

 **booboothefool** : Hi guyssss

 **callmesoon** : No

 **booboothefool** : Okay sorry.

 **tallgyu** : okay, so we’re back to roasting seungkwan now?

 **tallgyu** : because i was getting a little tired of being the one being roasted.

 **dkdk** : no one is safe, gyu

 **dkdk** : not you, not me, not anyone

 **callmesoon** : It’s a dog eat dog world out there

 **dab8** : lol how fucked up would that be

 **dab8** : a dog eating a dog

 **dkdk** : hao….

 **moonjun** : im pretty sure minghao just has elevator music playing in his head constantly

 **dab8** : well

 **dab8** : ur not wrong

 **moonjun** : 

 **dkdk** : seungkwan

 **dkdk** : your blonde hair looks BOMB

 **callmesoon** : ^^^

 **callmesoon** : I passed by you in the hall and had to do a double take

 **booboothefool** : Aww, really?!?

 **booboothefool** : I’ve already had a bunch of girls tell me they like it!!!!

 **rapgodhvc** : watch it, seungkwan

 **rapgodhvc** : they might try to hit on you

 **dab8** : lol

 **dab8** : everyone knows seungkwan aint straight

 **dkdk** : its true. you’re new at the school hansol

 **dkdk** : freshman year, we dared seungkwan to ask some girl out and he threw up right in front of her as he was doing it

 **dab8** : and then vomitkwan was born

 **booboothefool** : Yeah, it wasn’t pretty….

 **booboothefool** : At least it got the message across to all the girls!!!

 **callmesoon** : So basically

 **callmesoon** : It’s funny

 **callmesoon** : Because I’m pretty sure all of us in here are Flaming Gays

 **dkdk** : dude

 **dkdk** : you arent wrong

 **dab8** : lol

 **dab8** : im more of a chill gay

 **rapgodhvc** : i don’t really like labels

 **rapgodhvc** : i like people.

 **dkdk** : does anyone know about joshua??

 **callmesoon** : Hmmm

 **callmesoon** : If I had to bet, I’d say he and Jeonghan have a very suspicious relationship

 **callmesoon** : It’s one of those hate to love, love to hate things you feel??

 **woozigoon** : Woah, why are we assuming sexualities here?

 **woozigoon** : Who said anything about me being gay?

 **dkdk** : dude it was just an observation

 **dkdk** : usually the gays tend to gravitate to each other

 **callmesoon** : Like little planets

 **woozigoon** : Well, I suppose that makes sense.

 **woozigoon** : But I’m not gay.

 **dab8** : omg

 **dab8** : the trademark Straight guy

 **dab8** : will u be my straight best friend??

 **woozigoon** : No, fuck off.

 **woozigoon** : I’m not straight either.

 **dkdk** : then what do you identify as?

 **dab8** : its okay to open up

 **dab8** : we r all pretty accepting here

 **woozigoon** : I like everyone.

 **woozigoon** : Pansexual is a good word.

 **dab8** : omg! nice!!

 **booboothefool** : I am now more educated and I know that pansexual does not mean attraction to kitchen utensils

 **callmesoon** : Okay so besides Jihoon and Hansol

 **callmesoon** : And maybe Joshua

 **callmesoon** : We’re pretty much all gay af

 **dkdk** : i love it

 **moonjun** : you guys

 **moonjun** : i think i’ve found the sugar daddy i’ve been seeking o((*^▽^*))o

 

 

* * *

 

 

February 2nd, 7:12 P.M.

 

 **booboothefool** : 

 **booboothefool** : Just cracking a cold one open with my boy

 **dab8** : lol i cant believe u guys

 **dab8** : u went to the cafe without any of us??

 **dkdk** : me and seungkwan needed some alone time

 **dkdk** : you know, guy to guy, heart to heart

 **rapgodhvc** : 

 **dab8** : LOL

 **dab8** : seungkwan collect ur man

 **booboothefool** : The man knows what he wants~

 **tallgyu** : what a loving relationship.

 **tallgyu** : what’s everyone up to?

 **gentlejosh** : 

 **gentlejosh** : Currently tutoring a headass!

 **callmesoon** : Okay you guys

 **callmesoon** : It’s confirmed

 **callmesoon** : Joshua and Jeonghan are totally fucking

 **dkdk** : soonyoung please

 **callmesoon** : You can see it in their eyes!!!

 **tallgyu** : okay anyway…

 **tallgyu** : where’s jun? i’m curious about his sugar daddy update.

 **moonjun** : let me tell you all a story, young ones.

 **moonjun** : i have found a strong, capable man

 **moonjun** : from what he says, he’s loaded with money

 **moonjun** : i’ve sent him face pics and he’s said im adorable ヽ(｡･ω･｡)ﾉ

 **tallgyu** : well, we’ll support you.

 **tallgyu** : who is he? does he have a name?

 **moonjun** : i could add him if you’d like

 **moonjun** : he’s only a little older than all of us!

 **tallgyu** : no.

 **tallgyu** : no no no.

 **bagofluck** : jun, I doubt it’s a good idea to add a sugar daddy to the group chat.

 **booboothefool** : I still don’t know what that is but I agree

 **1004angel** : Did someone say sugar daddy?

 **1004angel** : Maybe he can provide for all of us…

 **dkdk** : for once im gonna have to agree with gyu on this one

 **dkdk** : he could turn out to be a creep

 **moonjun** : ugh

 **moonjun** : you guys are no fun（~～~）

 **tallgyu** : until you can prove he isn’t a 40-year-old sex offender,

 **tallgyu** : i will not allow a self-proclaimed sugar daddy into this group chat.

 **tallgyu** : we have enough oddness already.

 **gentlejosh** : I am intrigued, though

 **callmesoon** : It would definitely add to the “group dynamic”

 **tallgyu** : nope. not in a million years.

 **tallgyu** : don’t be stupid, soonyoung.

 **callmesoon** : 

 **dab8** : lol

 **dab8** : u guys are wild


	10. that’s so tragic.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> moonjun: ooh good idea!!
> 
> tallgyu: why do i feel as if this is going in the “bad idea” direction?

 

February 5th, 4:42 P.M.

 

 **booboothefool** : Guess who just got their first job!?!?

 **tallgyu** : that’s great, seungkwan! where at?

 **booboothefool** : The local pet store!! I’m gonna be a groomer-in-training!!!!

 **callmesoon** : Awww

 **callmesoon** : Can you smuggle some doggos out

 **dkdk** : ^^^

 **dkdk** : just stick them in your coat pockets, no one will know

 **booboothefool** : 

 **callmesoon** : By the way

 **callmesoon** : Does anyone wanna come by my house

 **dkdk** : me and soonyoung are making snow angels

 **1004angel** : Did someone say my name?

 **dkdk** : jeonghan we’ve already settled this

 **dkdk** : you are literally Satan himself

 **1004angel** : Haters are my motivators!

 **1004angel** : I’m nice when I want to be and naughty when I need to be ;-)

 **woozigoon** : Okay, I’m not sure if you intended that to be sexy,

 **woozigoon** : But my dick just shrunk after reading that.

 **dab8** : lol

 **1004angel** : Fuck you guys, I need to go prepare for my date.

 **callmesoon** : With Joshua??

 **callmesoon** : Please tell me it’s with Joshua

 **1004angel** : Why are you so obsessed with me and Joshua?

 **woozigoon** : He needs some sort of emotional outlet in his sad, pathetic life.

 **dkdk** : jesus…

 **callmesoon** : No, you’re right

 **tallgyu** : ahh, remember when i made this chat for school?

 **tallgyu** : what a good time that was.

 

 **_dkdk_ ** has named the group “ **_mingyu’s midlife crisis_ ** ”

 

 **tallgyu** : fuck you, seokmin.

 **tallgyu** : i’m literally 18 years old.

 **woozigoon** : Who’s to say you won’t live past 36, huh?

 **tallgyu** : well i’d certainly hope i do.

 **dab8** : u never know man

 **1004angel** : For your information, the date is NOT with Joshua Hong.

 **1004angel** : Although I’m sure he’s great in bed, I’d prefer to keep him as my tutor.

 **callmesoon** : Shit

 **dkdk** : who’s the date with then

 **1004angel** : Some guy who works in the college bookstore. His name is Seungcheol

 **1004angel** : His thighs in those uniform pants….yum yum yum

 **tallgyu** : okay, totally not necessary to know.

 **dab8** : lol josh’s last name is hong

 **dab8** : hong kong

 **callmesoon** : Ping pong

 **booboothefool** : Ding dong!!!

 **gentlejosh** : 

 **dab8** : lol who else has a meme-able name

 **dkdk** : mingyu needs to take a shit…...mingpoo

 **tallgyu** : are you actually kidding me right now.

 **callmesoon** : Mingyu drinks milk: Mingmoo

 **bagofluck** : mingyu and me. mingwoo

 **dab8** : get out

 **dab8** : u ruined it

 **dab8** : wonwoo is officially banned from trying to make jokes

 **callmesoon** : I second that movement

 **moonjun** : did i ever tell you guys about how soonyoung once called our economics teacher “mom” on accident?

 **callmesoon** : BRO

 **dkdk** : classic headass right there

 **callmesoon** : THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET

 **callmesoon** : What happens in the classroom stays in the classroom Jun!

 **moonjun** : oops! ଘ꒰ ๑ ˃̶ ᴗ ᵒ̴̶̷๑꒱و ̑̑

 

 

* * *

 

 

February 6th, 8:04 P.M.

 

 **callmesoon** : 

 **callmesoon** : Fuck me dADDY

 **callmesoon** : Oh shit

 **callmesoon** : Wrong message

 **rapgodhvc** : 

 **dkdk** : soonyoung has a daddy kink confirmed

 **woozigoon** : Taemin? Really?

 **callmesoon** : I….did not mean to send that

 **woozigoon** : Personally, I’d go with Key, but to each his own I guess.

 **dkdk** : jihoon, soonyoung has this problem

 **dkdk** : everytime he sees a picture of lee taemin, he nearly busts a nut

 **dab8** : lol its true

 **dab8** : he once drank 2 whole bottles of water after watching the lucifer mv

 **bagofluck** : soonyoung is quite a shinee fanboy.

 **callmesoon** : You guys, I cannot help it

 **callmesoon** : Literally Taemin could step on me

 **callmesoon** : I would let him run me over with the gold-plated Lamborghini he probably owns

 **tallgyu** : that’s dedication right there.

 **booboothefool** : I’m at McDonalds does anyone want anything????

 **bagofluck** : yeah, I’ll have some updog.

 **boooboothefool** : What’s updog??

 **bagofluck** : nothing much, you?

 **dab8** : lol leave

 **dkdk** : wonwoo why are you such a dad

 **bagofluck** : don’t deny, my jokes are the best.

 **woozigoon** : I can name at least 504 things better than anything you say in here.

 **callmesoon** : Wonwoo your sense of humor is like….45 year old uncle at the family barbecue

 **dkdk** : ^^^

 **booboothefool** : No, seriously, what is updog??????

 **rapgodhvc** : seungkwan, get me a large fry

 **booboothefool** : Okay, Vernonie~

 **dab8** : gross

 **tallgyu** : minghao, stop being bitter because everyone in here is in love.

 **woozigoon** : Love? I’m in hate with like, all of you.

 **bagofluck** : jihoon, you haven’t really spent time with any of us outside of seungkwan’s birthday party.

 **bagofluck** : maybe we should all hang out soon!

 **callmesoon** : We should go to the mall

 **callmesoon** : That’d be fun

 **dkdk** : i second that

 **dkdk** : anyone opposed??

 **gentlejosh** : We’re gonna have to go tomorrow

 **gentlejosh** : It’s a weekend, so no classes

 **1004angel** : I agree

 **woozigoon** : I’m down, as long as I’m not publically embarrassed.

 **dkdk** : oh dont worry

 **dkdk** : you will be….probably

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

February 7th, 3:14 P.M.

 

 **tallgyu** : okay, who’s riding with who? i have 3 free seats in my car.

 **bagofluck** : I’ll take one of those seats.

 **dab8** : me too

 **moonjun** : me three!

 **callmesoon** : I’ve got Seokmin. Anyone else wanna tag along or will we stay a twosome?

 **woozigoon** : You can pick me up.

 **callmesoon** : Alriiiiiight

 **dkdk** : i call shotgun

 **dkdk** : the aux cord is mine

 **tallgyu** : i assume seungkwan and hansol are gonna find a way to ride together?

 **booboothefool** : Vernonie is driving me!!!! I’m so excited!!!!!

 **1004angel** : Joshua and I will be there soon.

 **1004angel** : I can’t believe I’m agreeing to hang out with actual children.

 **1004angel** : Like, you guys are so young.

 **callmesoon** : 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

February 7th, 3:37 P.M.

 

 **callmesoon** : Okay we’re here

 **callmesoon** : Y’all can meet me and Seokmin in the food court

 **tallgyu** : i thought jihoon was with you guys?

 **dkdk** : he went into the Beats store

 **dab8** : lol nerd

 **moonjun** : we just waked by some really hot man working one of the kiosks

 **dkdk** : jun, didn’t you say you found a sugar daddy already?

 **moonjun** : 

 **dkdk** : well i cant argue with that

 **callmesoon** : MINGYU

 **callmesoon** : Where tf are you

 **tallgyu** : wonwoo and i were taking our time.

 **callmesoon** : Well hurry your asses up

 **callmesoon** : We should all get lunch here

 **moonjun** : i might go on the daddy hunt…

 **1004angel** : Hey, once me and Josh get there I might join you ;-D

 **tallgyu** : why do i feel as though this is going to go terribly wrong?

 **tallgyu** : by the way, where the heck are seungkwan and hansol?

 **rapgodhvc** : im so sorry

 **rapgodhvc** : he dragged me into bath and body works

 **callmesoon** : 

 **dkdk** : seungkwan what the hell

 **dkdk** : well, soonyoung and i are sitting in front of panda express if any of you morons decide to join us sometime in the next century

 **rapgodhvc** : seungkwan has officially gone wild

 **rapgodhvc** : he’s taking me into Spencer’s

 **callmesoon** : HAHAHA

 **tallgyu** : jesus christ, no! he’s too young for that damn store!!

 **tallgyu** : hansol, get him out of there.

 **rapgodhvc** : woah, they make giant gummy penises

 **moonjun** : buy me one i’ll pay you back later

 **bagofluck** : mingyu.

 **bagofluck** : where did you go? I turned my back for one second.

 **tallgyu** : gamestop.

 **dkdk** : hah. nerd

 **tallgyu** : fight me.

 **tallgyu** : i’ll kick your ass in mariokart.

 **woozigoon** : Update: I just passed by Spencer’s and Seungkwan was at the checkout with a suspicious-looking object.

 **callmesoon** : SEUNGKWAN

 **callmesoon** : SEUNGKWAN IS BUYING  A DILDO

 **tallgyu** : jihoon…….why didn’t you stop him.

 **tallgyu** : seungkwan doesn’t even know what his own dick does.

 **tallgyu** : how is he over here buying a dildo?!

 **dab8** : u guys

 **dab8** : jeonghan is so cool

 **dab8** : he just bought me starbucks

 **tallgyu** : this is a mess.

 **tallgyu** : one of you is going to get arrested by fucking mall police.

 **gentlejosh** : I’m just over here

 **gentlejosh** : Sippin my vanilla bean frappe

 **gentlejosh** : Minding my business and not spending my money on sex toys

 

 

* * *

 

 

February 7th, 8:43 P.M.

 

 **booboothefool** : I cannot believe you guys thought I was buying a dildo

 **booboothefool** : Why would I need a dildo when I have Vernonie???

 **dab8** : 

 **dab8** : disgusting

 **bagofluck** : that was actually quite fun.

 **bagofluck** : even though mingyu spent literally an hour inside gamestop.

 **callmesoon** : Me and Seokmin tried so hard to jack one of those Segways the mall cops ride

 **dkdk** : we made it like 2 feet before the thing tipped over and we had to run for it

 **tallgyu** : seungkwan, what did you buy then?

 **tallgyu** : jihoon said he walked by and saw a “suspicious object.”

 **booboothefool** : It was a lava lamp!!!!!

 **woozigoon** : Oh. That makes more sense.

 **1004angel** : Hey, I mean, anything is a dildo if you try hard enough

 **moonjun** : ^^^

 **gentlejosh** : 

 **tallgyu** : i agree.

 **moonjun** : guys, i think my sugar daddy is a fake (◕︿◕✿)

 **dkdk** : why is that??

 **moonjun** : well, i asked him for a picture and he sent me an image off of google

 **callmesoon** : Ask him for a really specific picture

 **callmesoon** : Like, take a picture holding a fork or something

 **moonjun** : ooh good idea!!

 **tallgyu** : why do i feel as if this is going in the “bad idea” direction?

 **dab8** : gyu u literally say that about everything

 **moonjun** : okay, so he just sent me a long message

 **moonjun** : and i was too lazy to read all of it

 **moonjun** : but i skimmed and got the jist

 **dkdk** : and????

 **moonjun** : turns out he’s a 17 year old boy playing a prank

 **moonjun** : 

 **moonjun** : i feel so played

 **callmesoon** : 

 **callmesoon** : I’m sorry buddy but that’s fucking hilarious

 **1004angel** : Hello

 **1004angel** : That’s so tragic, Jun

 **dkdk** : mingyu!!!!!!!

 **tallgyu** : what? why are you yelling?

 **dkdk** : this means we can add him to the chat!!!!!!

 **tallgyu** : no, that is not what it means.

 **bagofluck** : really? I think it’s exactly what it means.

 **dkdk** : wonwoo is the voice of reason

 **tallgyu** : jun, if you add him, i am setting my phone on fire.

 **moonjun** : you know, thats a sacrifice im willing to make Y（・ω‐）Y

 **moonjun** : but not right now, im tired and its bedtime!!

 **tallgyu** : my life is spared for one more day.

 **bagofluck** : 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i get carried away with this chapter? yes.  
> do i regret it? heck no.


	11. everyone eats glue.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1004angel: Is someone starting drama??
> 
> 1004angel: I smelled it

February 8th, 7:04 A.M.

 

 **dab8** : good morning dudes and bros

 **dab8** : woah wait its the 8th

 **dab8** : my branding

 **callmesoon** : What does the 8 even mean

 **dkdk** : he dabs 8 times when he wakes up.

 **dab8** : actually if u flip it, its the infinity sign

 **callmesoon** : And that means….?

 **dab8** : lol dude

 **dab8** : memes are eternal

 **tallgyu** : okay, yep, i’m going back to sleep.

 **moonjun** : today is the day everyone!!

 **dkdk** : ADD THE SUGAR DADDY

 **woozigoon** : Usually I’m not an advocate for stuff like this, but do it.

 **woozigoon** : I can’t believe a 17 year old kid exposed himself like that.

 **callmesoon** : Bro

 **callmesoon** : How funny would it be if he went to our school

 **dkdk** : oh shit

 **tallgyu** : jesus, i didn’t even think of that.

 **moonjun** : is everyone ready??

 **moonjun** : here we go!! ヽ(　･∀･)ﾉ

 

 **_moonjun_ ** has added **_giantbaby_ ** to the group.

 

 **dkdk** : GIANT FUCKING BABY

 **callmesoon** : Okay on second thought

 **tallgyu** : his name is giant baby...jun….how did you think he was a serious sugar daddy?

 **moonjun** : im actually very naïve

 **booboothefool** : Yay!!!! I can’t be called the giant baby anymore!!!!

 **dab8** : lol no u still can

 **booboothefool** : Oh well, worth a shot

 **bagofluck** : who would win in a fight, one giant baby or five normal-sized babies?

 **dkdk** : im gonna have to go with the giant baby

 **callmesoon** : Bro

 **callmesoon** : There’s power in numbers

 **tallgyu** : i agree, imagine getting tackled by five babies all at once.

 **woozigoon** : That sounds like a new layer of hell.

 **giantbaby** : personally, i’d say giant baby as well!!!

 **callmesoon** : HE SPEAKS

 **callmesoon** : GIANT BABADOOK

 **callmesoon** : *BABY

 **dkdk** : dude why tf does baby autocorrect to “babadook”

 **the8** : an lgbt icon

 **woozigoon** : 

 

 **_moonjun_ ** has named the group “ **_long live the Babadook_ ** ”

 

 **tallgyu** : who are you, giant baby?

 **giantbaby** : hmm, you may know me as chan!!

 **dkdk** : i dont think i know a chan

 **dkdk** : besides jackie chan

 **the8** : daddy

 **callmesoon** : What the hell

 **booboothefool** : Wait a second, aren’t you a sophomore?!?!?

 **booboothefool** : This guy goes to our school!!!!!!!!!!

 **woozigoon** : So what you’re saying is...Jun got pranked by a sophomore.

 **moonjun** : lee jihoon i will kill you with my bear hands (*´∪`)

 **dkdk** : no way, you have bear hands????

 **dab8** : jun is a furry confirmed

 **moonjun** : 

 **giantbaby** : ok to be fair, i was dared!!

 **callmesoon** : By who??

 **giantbaby** : im lying i actually wasn’t dared by anyone

 **dab8** : lol

 **callmesoon** : Boi I’m this close to whoopin your ass

 **callmesoon** : Catch me in the halls motherfucker

 **booboothefool** : Soonyoung, don’t bully him!!!!!!

 **giantbaby** : no its ok, ive heard rumors about him. im not scared!!!!

 **1004angel** : Is someone starting drama??

 **1004angel** : I smelled it

 **tallgyu** : how in the heck…

 **1004angel** : 

 **dkdk** : jeonghan is one shady bitch that’s for sure

 **1004angel** : Of course honey! ;-)

 **callmesoon** : What kind of rumors have you heard about me Mr. Baby??

 **giantbaby** : you can call me chan

 **giantbaby** : also, i heard that you ate glue

 **bagofluck** : everyone eats glue when they’re younger!

 **dab8** : yeah lol i ate glue when i was in elementary school

 **callmesoon** : Oh are you referring to that time I ate glue in the cafeteria for lunch

 **dab8** : ew wtf

 **callmesoon** : The cafeteria food was gross that day jeeze don’t judge

 **rapgodhvc** : 

 **giantbaby** : i also..uh, may have lied about my age

 **callmesoon** : Dude...you’re digging yourself a deep hole

 **booboothefool** : How old are you????

 **giantbaby** : im not 17 yet...in a few days i will be

 **moonjun** : jesus christ (✖╭╮✖)

 **dkdk** : and if you listen closely you can hear jun’s soul ascending to another realm

 **rapgodhvc** : i’ll catch you guys at school..this is too much

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

February 8th, 2:09 P.M.

 

 **bagofluck** : seokmin and hansol, what would you guys like for your birthday?

 **dkdk** : dude

 **dkdk** : you’re getting me a gift???

 **dkdk** : im honored!!!!

 **dab8** : lol not even soonyoung got u a gift last year

 **callmesoon** : Yes I did!!!

 **dkdk** : bro

 **dkdk** : a half-eaten bag of hot cheetos doesn’t really count

 **callmesoon** : 

 **callmesoon** : It came from my heart

 **dkdk** : really wonwoo, you dont have to

 **rapgodhvc** : i actually wouldn’t mind a pair of headphones

 **rapgodhvc** : because SOMEONE decided it’d be a good idea to leave them in the cafeteria to be stolen

 **booboothefool** : ….

 **booboothefool** : I already apologized!!!!!!

 **bagofluck** : one pair of standard apple headphones coming right up.

 **bagofluck** : seokmin?

 **dkdk** : how about a full bag of hot cheetos??

 **callmesoon** : BRO

 **callmesoon** : You can’t just do me like that

 **dkdk** : yes i can and i will

 **callmesoon** : Well stop it

 **dkdk** : make me ;)

 **dab8** : 

 **dab8** : y is everyone in here gay for each other

 **dab8** : where is my gay lover

 **moonjun** : hey minghao, wanna give me head later? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **callmesoon** : BRO

 **tallgyu** : what did i just come back to.

 **gentlejosh** : Minghao it’s alright

 **gentlejosh** : I have no gay lover either

 **1004angel** : You have me ;-)

 **bagofluck** : wait, I thought you were fucking that guy from the bookstore?

 **1004angel** : Watch your language!!

 **1004angel** : Hah but yeah I am

 **gentlejosh** : What’s his name again

 **gentlejosh** : Sunny D

 **gentlejosh** : Solitaire

 **gentlejosh** : Swingset?

 **1004angel** : It’s Seungcheol, you prick

 **1004angel** : Why don’t you get back to sticking your dick into your guitar??

**woozigoon:**

**dkdk:** josh is a guitar fucker confirmed

 **callmesoon** : Oh be quiet

 **callmesoon** : I think we all know you’d stick your dick in a cup of jello

 **tallgyu** : oh my god.

 **dkdk** : if jello is a euphemism for you, then maybe ;-)

 **booboothefool** : OKAY THAT’S IT

 **booboothefool** : There is a 16 year old in here!!!!!!!!

 **booboothefool** : This needs to be PG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **dab8** : lol

 **dab8** : seungkwan is the fun vacuum

 **giantbaby** : i really don’t mind!! i think it’s funny!!!!

 **woozigoon** : Well, y’know what I always say.

 **woozigoon** : Corrupt ‘em young.

 **bagofluck** : uh huh...and how’s that working out for you mr. homeschooled?

 **dkdk** : DAMN

 **dkdk** : WONWOO CAN ROAST PEOPLE

 **bagofluck** : of course i can.

 **tallgyu** : well...you’re kind of a nerd.

 **bagofluck:** a nerd you love, though. gotcha.

 **1004angel** : High school drama is so entertaining

 **1004angel** : I bet Cheolie would enjoy this

 **callmesoon** : Who the fuck is that

 **booboothefool** : LANGUAGE

 **callmesoon** : Whoops

 **callmesoon** : Who the hell is that?

 **booboothefool** : 

 **dkdk** : rest in peace boo seungkwan

 **dkdk** : he was a good man

 **1004angel** : Cheolie is the guy I’m...fooling around with

 **moonjun** : you should add him!!

 **tallgyu** : nope.

 **tallgyu** : no more.

 **tallgyu** : how many times must i say this?

 **1004angel** : Oh, relax Mingyu

 **1004angel** : I wouldn’t add him

 **1004angel** : He has a tiny bit of a power issue

 **dab8** : lol is he okay

 **dab8** : like mentally

 **1004angel** : He’s very, uh, protective

 **1004angel** : Kinda reminds me of my dad

 **callmesoon** : Dude you’re banging your dad??

 **dkdk** : soonyoung no

 **dkdk** : how many times do we have to talk about this

 **dkdk** : incest is not something you bring up in public situations

 **booboothefool** : Well what’s the harm in adding one more person????

 **woozigoon** : You all had a problem with me before I joined.

 **woozigoon** : And I’m perfectly normal. Somewhat.

 **dkdk** : we didn’t have a problem, it was all mingyu

 **dkdk** : gyu has a problem with everyone whose name isn’t jeon wonwoo

 **tallgyu** : well, you’re not wrong!

 **bagofluck** : he has very refined taste.

 **callmesoon** : 

 **gentlejosh** : I’ve seen the guy before

 **gentlejosh** : He does look quite intimidating

 **gentlejosh** : Those thighs on him could crush whole melons

 **booboothefool** : Why would anyone put a melon in between their legs??

 **booboothefool** : Wouldn’t that be sticky?????

 **dab8** : lol it was hypothetical

 **1004angel** : All I’m saying is, if I were to add him, he’d probably seem like a total dad

 **dkdk** : ive always wanted a dad

 **callmesoon** : Dude

 **callmesoon** : You have me

 **tallgyu** : what the heck?

 **dkdk** : soonyoung, there’s a difference between dad and daddy ;-)

 **callmesoon** : Hehehe ;-)

 **callmesoon** : Love you bro

 **tallgyu** : 

 **dab8** : lol looks like someone is a little emo today

 **dab8** : got your mcr playlist on gyu??

 **tallgyu** : minghao…

 **tallgyu** : i would literally strangle you with a twizzler, presented the opportunity to do so.

 **dab8** : whatever u say dude

 **dab8** : whatever u say!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took me like 234232 billion years to update. today was my birthday and i tried so hard to finish this just for the need to post lol.
> 
> leave me some comments i like hearing what people have to say about my shitty sense of humor! love u guys!


	12. you only live once.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tallgyu: you only live once!
> 
> booboothefool: Thank god

February 11th, 4:37 P.M. 

 

**tallgyu** : does anyone have the english homework?

**dab8** : lol dude

**dab8** : i passed tf out in class today

**dkdk** : hamlet isn’t exactly the most interesting play

**bagofluck** : shakespeare is amazing, you guys are insane.

**booboothefool** : Actually, you’re insane for thinking he’s good

**booboothefool** : Everything about English is boring!!!!!!

**bagofluck** : that is not true at all.

**bagofluck** : hamlet is a masterpiece, a study of teen angst and familial relationships and death and remorse and the deconstruction of the human mind and so, so much more!

**dkdk** : wonwoo, no offense

**dkdk** : i just fell asleep reading that

**dab8** : lol mingyu if ur dating wonwoo shouldnt u be good at english

**dkdk** : wink wink

**tallgyu** : that is an area that needs a lot of improvement.

**bagofluck** : you guys suck.

**bagofluck** : hamlet is amazing.

**callmesoon** : Bro if you love Hamlet so much why dont you date him

**dkdk** : ^^^

**bagofluck** : he’s fictional!!!

**callmesoon** : So what???

**woozigoon** : Maybe we’re all fictional.

**woozigoon** : Maybe we all only exist in some Word file, a mystery author determining our every move and interaction.

**dkdk** : jihoon stop being ridiculous

**dkdk** : you act as though we’re all actually characters in a fanfiction

**woozigoon** : The universe is crazy, man. You never know.

**tallgyu** : okay, anyway…

**tallgyu** : can someone explain to me what we read today?

**callmesoon** : Bro

**callmesoon** : It’s obvious no one actually paid attention in your class

**gentlejosh** : Oh, Hamlet?? Just go watch The Lion King!

**tallgyu** : huh?

**gentlejosh** : Yeah, the movie is basically the plot of Hamlet

**gentlejosh** : And 10x more enjoyable to follow along with

**bagofluck** : hmm, I would not advise that.

**dab8** : good thing no one cares what u advise

**bagofluck** : 

**tallgyu** : even if we all fail the test over it, it’s okay. it’s just one test!

**tallgyu** : you only live once!

**booboothefool** : Thank god

**callmesoon** : So Seungkwan

**callmesoon** : How’s the new job??

**booboothefool** : Oh it’s amazing!!!!! I get peed on and bitten a lot but it’s worth it!!!!!

**moonjun** : sounds like a normal weekend to me (^・ω・^ )

**dab8** : jun wtf

**rapgodhvc** : uh huh

**rapgodhvc** : he comes crying to me asking me to kiss his scratch marks better

**booboothefool** : Well it works!!!!!

**giantbaby** : hello everyone!!!!!! today’s my birthday!!!!!!

**callmesoon** : Awww good for you! Happy birthday

**dab8** : happy birthday dude

**dab8** : hows it feel to be 17

**giantbaby** : exactly the same as 16!!!!

**dkdk** : ahhh, i remember those days

**tallgyu** : seokmin, that was literally last year.

**dkdk** : shut up you noodle

**tallgyu** : 

**1004angel** : Fuck I’m so annoyed

**1004angel** : Like, SO annoyed

**dkdk** : woah woah dude chill

**dkdk** : what’s twisting your panties today??

**dab8** : omg

**1004angel** : My date with Seungcheol was fucking CANCELLED

**1004angel** : After I spent like 2 hours getting ready

**moonjun** : does he have a good reason??

**1004angel** : No smh

**1004angel** : He said he had forgotten he’d already volunteered at the animal shelter today

**1004angel** : What a douchebag

**tallgyu** : uh.

**bagofluck** : jeonghan, that seems like a pretty good reason.

**1004angel** : You shut your mouth

**1004angel** : My time is precious

**callmesoon** : Bro

**callmesoon** : Animals > people

**dkdk** : right

**booboothefool** : You can just reschedule!!!!!!

**1004angel** : 

**gentlejosh** : Jeonghan stop being a little bitch

**1004angel** : Ooh, bossy Joshua

**1004angel** : I’m slightly turned on

**tallgyu** : well, turn yourself off.

**tallgyu** : jeesh.

**callmesoon** : Mingyu hates happiness and fun

**dkdk** : mingyu is satan confirmed

**tallgyu** : 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

February 11th, 5:08 P.M. 

 

**_dkdk_ ** has started a private chat with  **_callmesoon_ ** .

 

**dkdk** : dude

**callmesoon** : Bro!!!

**dkdk** : dude!!!!

**callmesoon** : Broooo

**callmesoon** : What’s up my guy

**dkdk** : nothin much my dude

**callmesoon** : Nice, nice

**callmesoon** : So what’s up bro??

**dkdk** : i just said nothing much bro

**callmesoon** : Bruh

**callmesoon** : You know what I meant dude

**dkdk** : riiiight, my bad bro

**callmesoon** : It’s all good dude!

**dkdk** : so ive been doing some thinking…

**callmesoon** : That’s out of the ordinary

**dkdk** : shut up 

**callmesoon** : Make me ;-)

**dkdk** : bro. do you wanna go right now????

**callmesoon** : On a date?

**callmesoon** : Bro are you asking me out????

**dkdk** : no!!!

**dkdk** : well, do you want me to..?

**callmesoon** : That’s besides the point

**callmesoon** : So you were thinking about what?

**dkdk** : does everyone actually think we’re a couple?? in the groupchat, i mean

**dkdk** : minghao is always going on about how lonely he is

**dkdk** : but like, we arent really a thing either

**callmesoon** : Yeah dude I get exactly what you mean

**callmesoon** : But honestly you’re probs my soulmate bro

**dkdk** : duuude you mean that??

**callmesoon** : Hell yeah!!

**callmesoon** : Who else would I wanna do dumb shit with??

**callmesoon** : You’ve literally seen me naked more times than I’ve seen myself naked

**dkdk** : you have a good point

**dkdk** : but what are we??

**callmesoon** : We’re bros!!

**callmesoon** : Add you plus me, that’s algebro

**callmesoon** : My love for you is so hot that it caused brobal warming

**dkdk** : that means so much to me wtf

**callmesoon** : But honestly

**callmesoon** : I’d suck your dick if you asked nicely

**dkdk** : so like, you wanna go out with me??

**dkdk** : like, as friends

**dkdk** : a friend date

**callmesoon** : Say no more my guy

**callmesoon** : I’ll find the fanciest restaurant in town

**callmesoon** : We’ll get dressed to the nines

**callmesoon** : And snag us some hot chicks

**dkdk** : okay not what i was going for but

**dkdk** : i can work with that

**dkdk** : i love you dude

**callmesoon** : You’re the best bro

**callmesoon** : My fuckin sunshine cinnamon apple

**callmesoon** : Brohana means family and family means no bro gets left behind

**dkdk** : <333333

**callmesoon** : <33333333333

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

February 12th, 1:32 P.M. 

 

**booboothefool** : My eyes are burning.

**booboothefool** : I cannot describe what I just walked in on

**booboothefool** : I’m going to rip that image out of my brain

**tallgyu** : seungkwan, chill. what’s wrong?

**moonjun** : seungkwan if you say one word im going to wring your neck like a towel

**callmesoon** : I WANNA KNOW

**callmesoon** : SEUNGKWAN SPILL THE MOTHERFUCKIN BEANS

**dkdk** : what happened????

**moonjun** : don’t do it seungkwan

**booboothefool** : 

**bagofluck** : why is jun being so secretive?

**dab8** : o hey guys

**dab8** : ha ha what’s goin on

**tallgyu** : why do you sound so suspicious minghao?

**dab8** : no reason lol

**booboothefool** : I can’t take this

**booboothefool** : I just walked into the boys bathroom by the math hallway and Minghao and Jun were doing some THINGS

**booboothefool** : IN THE STALL

**booboothefool** : I HAD TO PEE SO BAD BUT ALL I COULD FOCUS ON WAS THE SEXUAL NOISES

**moonjun** : seungkwan what the fuck!!!!!

**callmesoon** : JUN AND MINGHAO?????

**dab8** : um

**dab8** : well to be fair i was getting kinda lonely

**dkdk** : and to think, a week ago jun thought he’d be getting freaky with a sugar daddy named lee chan

**callmesoon** : So tell us

**callmesoon** : Who blew who??

**dkdk** : soonyoung!! not appropriate!!

**tallgyu** : ^^^

**moonjun** : well if you MUST know, i was on the receiving end 

**booboothefool** : I will never recover from this.

**booboothefool** : I will have nightmares.

**rapgodhvc** : hey, congrats minghao!!

**rapgodhvc** : you finally got some action

**dab8** : lol

**dab8** : a bathroom hookup in school is the most i can hope for

**moonjun** : if you want, i could come over after school (´꒳`∗)

**1004angel** : Why am I reading about the sex life of high schoolers

**1004angel** : But please

**1004angel** : 

**1004angel** : Tell me more ;-D

**tallgyu** : do not tell us more.

**tallgyu** : poor seungkwan is never going to be the same.

**moonjun** : sorry about that kwannie~

**dab8** : lol im not

**dab8** : fuck all y’all i blew someone in a public restroom

**bagofluck** : y’know...I wouldn’t really wanna brag about that.

**dkdk** : im sure if you and gyu had sex anywhere in the school building it’d be the library

**tallgyu** : 

**bagofluck** : well…

**bagofluck** : you aren’t wrong.

**booboothefool** : Okay remind me to never go in the library ever again!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @ all the comments on the last chapter: thank you all so much! i love seeing what you guys think of this huge dump of teenage humor and memes. it truly means a lot.


	13. it's a harsh truth.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bagofluck: hello everyone.
> 
> woozigoon: Goodbye.

February 13th, 12:24 A.M. 

 

**1004angel** : Boyyy I am FUCKED  up

**1004angel** : In othe  r words

**1004angel** : I’m dunk

**callmesoon** : Omg Jeonghan I didn’t know you played basketball

**gentlejosh** : I think he means drunk

**gentlejosh** : Seungcheol please control your man

**callmesoon** : Seungcheol is not here dumbass

**1004angel** : JOSHUA

**1004angel** : Wehre’s your  dorm

**gentlejosh** : Ew no

**gentlejosh** : I don’t want you showing up here naked

**dab8** : lol wtf

**dab8** : jeonghans gonna die

**callmesoon** : Hey I think Satan is asleep

**callmesoon** : I mean Mingyu

**callmesoon** : That means we can do whatever we want

**dab8** : omg

**dab8** : add jeonghans bf

**gentlejosh** : Lemme see if I have his number

 

**_gentlejosh_ ** has added  **_acooldad_ ** to the group.

 

**dab8** : hello daddy

**dab8** : papa

**dab8** : father

**callmesoon** : What the hell

**1004angel** : Where  i s the red wine

**callmesoon** : Smh Jeonghan

**callmesoon** : What kind of nerd gets wasted on red wine

**gentlejosh** : From what I’ve heard he’s a lightweight

**acooldad** : Hello everyone.

**acooldad** : Where am I?

**gentlejosh** : This is the groupchat

**gentlejosh** : Your fuckbuddy has been a part of it for a little while

**acooldad** : Are you referring to Jeonghan?

**dab8** : yeah

**dab8** : the drama queen

**acooldad** : A drama queen with the sweetest ass on Earth.

**dab8** : 

**acooldad** : Is that what they call, a meme?

**callmesoon** : Jesus christ

**callmesoon** : Jeonghan is fucking a literal 60 year old man

**acooldad** : Hey buddy, I’m not that old.

**acooldad** : So wait, who are all you people?

**gentlejosh** : Basically it’s a bunch of highschoolers

**gentlejosh** : And then me, you, and Jeonghan

**acooldad** : Oh, wow!

**acooldad** : I must be the oldest one in here!

**1004angel** : Achui0ew-982 hshhhhhhhhkdhf f

**dab8** : wtf

**dab8** : did he fall down a flight of stairs and land on his keyboard

**acooldad** : I should probably go find him before he stains his clothes with wine.

**acooldad** : See you all later! 

**dab8** : aww

**dab8** : goals

**callmesoon** : I wonder how Mingyu is gonna react to this guy

**dab8** : lol

**dab8** : he always worries over nothing

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

February 13th, 9:36 A.M. 

 

**booboothefool** : How to give a blowjob

**booboothefool** : NO WAIT

**booboothefool** : THAT WAS MEANT FOR GOOGLE!!!!!!!!!

**dab8** : 

**dkdk** : holy shit

**callmesoon** : HAHAHAHA

**callmesoon** : Looks like Hansol’s gettin some action tonight

**booboothefool** : OH MY GOD

 

**_booboothefool_ ** has left the group.

 

**dkdk** : shh, do you hear that

**dkdk** : its the sound of seungkwan’s soul leaving his body

**woozigoon** : Actual footage of Hansol after he leaves Seungkwan’s house tonight.

**woozigoon** : 

**callmesoon** : FUIFJVKXK J IHOON

**dkdk** : i cannot believe

**tallgyu** : jesus guys, you’re gonna bully the poor kid to death.

**dab8** : lol gyu he knows we just joke

**dkdk** : he’ll be fine

**dkdk** : once he recovers from this emotional trauma

 

**_dkdk_ ** has added  **_booboothefool_ ** to the group.

 

**callmesoon** : My son

**callmesoon** : It’s okay to not know what a blowjob is

**dab8** : yeah lol if u want i could give u some tips

**booboothefool** : Oh god

**booboothefool** : I’m having flashbacks to the bathroom in school

 

**_bagofluck_ ** has named the group “ **_sex ed 101_ ** ”

 

**bagofluck** : hello everyone.

**woozigoon** : Goodbye.

**bagofluck** : oh jihoon...I love you, but fuck off.

**woozigoon** : Gladly!

**callmesoon** : 

**tallgyu** : hey…

**tallgyu** : did someone add jeonghan’s boyfriend to the chat?

**tallgyu** : didn’t i tell you all NOT to do that?

**dab8** : well u see….what had happened was…

**dab8** : no one really listens to u gyu….its a harsh truth but im here to help u get thru it

**tallgyu** : minghao, die.

**dkdk** : dude!! where is he

**dkdk** : lets summon him

**gentlejosh** : 

**gentlejosh** : 

**gentlejosh** : 

**dkdk** : joshua what the hell

**tallgyu** : what is going on.

**gentlejosh** : Guys guys guys

**gentlejosh** : Cheol is a total dad

**gentlejosh** : His display name even says so. I’m just sending stuff that dads like

**gentlejosh** : To...summon him

**dab8** : ohhhh lol

**dkdk** : hmmm…

**dkdk** : CAN ANYONE IN HERE TAKE ME FISHING

**acooldad** : Hello!

**acooldad** : I love to fish!

**dkdk** : holy shit

**callmesoon** : HAHAHA I didn’t expect that to work

**gentlejosh** : Hey Seungcheol

**acooldad** : Joshua Hong! My man! How’s it going?

**dab8** : omg

**gentlejosh** : It’s goin okay

**gentlejosh** : How’s the pretty boy doing

**acooldad** : Jeonghan? Oh, he’s doing terrible.

**acooldad** : He threw up on me like, 10 times today.

**acooldad** : Hangovers aren’t fun.

**callmesoon** : Hah

**callmesoon** : What a lightweight

**acooldad** : Excuse me, aren’t you in high school? You shouldn’t be drinking young man.

**dkdk** : hehehe soonyoung...you’re gonna get grounded

**callmesoon** : Stfu you dingus

**callmesoon** : Also I can do what I want Mr. Spatula

**acooldad** : My name is actually Seungcheol.

**callmesoon** : Don’t care

**gentlejosh** : 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello now everyone is in here (finally).  
> cheol the major dad is here congrats @ everyone who commented for him to be added.
> 
> in other news i started a verkwan fic that will now occupy 1/3 of my time along w this trash bag and my meanie fic. hooray for me! :-)


	14. that’s not good life advice.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gentlejosh: Jeonghan………
> 
> gentlejosh: How did you willingly go out with this guy

February 14th, 7:56 A.M.

 

**moonjun** : ladies and gentlemen

**moonjun** : it is the day….of love (♥ω♥ ) ~♪

**giantbaby** : who are the ladies?????

**moonjun** : doesn’t matter

**dab8** : lol u wont get any anyway

**giantbaby** : >:-(

**moonjun** : were any of you born in november?

**woozigoon** : I was.

**dab8** : lol me too

**callmesoon** : HAHAHA

**callmesoon** : You guys were V-day sex

**woozigoon** : Damn.

**woozigoon** : I never considered that.

**dab8** : hey jun wanna meet in the same bathroom b4 6th period

**moonjun** : you betcha ♡(.◜ω◝.)♡

**acooldad** : Make sure you use protection.

**acooldad** : Never be pressured into blowing a guy you don’t wanna blow.

**acooldad** : Practice safe sex!

**callmesoon** : Omg grandpa just let them fuck in peace

**woozigoon** : 

**booboothefool** : Okay you guys

**booboothefool** : I am officially in love

**dkdk** : awww seungkwan!!!

**dkdk** : you finally decided to take it to the next level with your mom??

**booboothefool** : I WILL FIGHT YOU

**booboothefool** : AND IT WILL NOT BE PRETTY

**booboothefool** : FOR YOU OR FOR ME

**tallgyu** : woah, calm down, calm down. seungkwan, why are you in love?

**tallgyu** : did hansol get you a v-day gift?

**rapgodhvc** : hell yeah i did

**rapgodhvc** : i win the award for best boyfriend and all you scrubs can go home

**booboothefool** : He got me a 4 foot tall teddy bear!!!!!!!!

**booboothefool** : And chocolates!!!!!!!!

**bagofluck** : aww, I’m happy for you.

**bagofluck** : but that’s so typical.

**dab8** : if ur so confident then what did u get gyu

**dab8** : my guy deserves nothing but the best wonwoo

**dkdk** : i swear if he says “a book”

**dkdk** : im going to leave my 1st period class and find him

**dkdk** : so i can personally punch him in the dick

**tallgyu** : please don’t punch my boyfriend in the dick.

**1004angel** : I got punched in the dick once

**gentlejosh** : Good you probs deserved it

**callmesoon** : DAAAAAAMN

**dab8** : 

**acooldad** : Woah there.

**acooldad** : Why is there so much bullying in here? 

**callmesoon** : Dude chill

**dab8** : lol its called roasting

**acooldad** : Roasting? Like, a barbecue?

**gentlejosh** : Jeonghan………

**gentlejosh** : How did you willingly go out with this guy

**gentlejosh** : Like. How and why, and also is someone paying you to let him stick his dingaling in you

**woozigoon** : Okay, can we refrain from calling dicks “dingalings” please?

**bagofluck** : yes, I second that.

 

**_1004angel_ ** has named the group “ **_joshua is a guitar fucker <3_ ** ”

 

**moonjun** : if it has a hole you might as well stick your dick in it

**giantbaby** : something tells me that’s not good life advice!!!!!

**booboothefool** : Guys, Chan is just a child he doesn’t need to hear this stuff!!!!!

**woozigoon** : I was only 12 when I first discovered what anal was.

**woozigoon** : He can suck it up.

**callmesoon** : BITC H WHAT THE   FCU K

**dkdk** : okay i wanna hear the story behind that

**tallgyu** : 

**tallgyu** : literally what the hell.

 

**_gentlejosh_ ** has named the group “ **_Jeonghan’s Flat Ass_ ** ”

 

**callmesoon** : Josh ur a literal twig

**callmesoon** : You and Jeonghan both have flat asses

**booboothefool** : Can’t relate

**dab8** : bubble butt

**dab8** : bubble bubble bubble butt

**bagofluck** : quite frankly, we should value each others’ personalities more than our physical assets.

**dkdk** : wonwoo

**dkdk** : this is why youre still a virgin

**callmesoon** : So are you Seokmin

**callmesoon** : Don’t kid yourself

**dkdk** : let’s change that tonight ;)

**callmesoon** : Ooh, saucy

**tallgyu** : i’m gonna puke.

**tallgyu** : i can feel it.

**acooldad** : Make sure to make it to a trash can! Or a toilet!

 

 

* * *

 

 

February 14th, 12:19 P.M. 

 

**woozigoon** : Alright.

**woozigoon** : Which one of you fuckers found my address and sent me a box of Valentine’s Day condoms?

**dkdk** : duuuuude

**dkdk** : are they flavored

**woozigoon** : How the fuck would I know?!

**moonjun** : just open one up and pop it in your mouth （〃・ω・〃）

**rapgodhvc** : 

**rapgodhvc** : doesn’t it tell you if they’re flavored on the BOX

**dab8** : lol y’all dumb

**acooldad** : My personal favorite is grape!

**callmesoon** : Ewwww

**callmesoon** : Also you’re welcome Jihoonie~

**woozigoon** : …

**woozigoon** : Did you just call me...Jihoonie…?

**dkdk** : soonyoung

**dkdk** : run

**callmesoon** : So what if I did huh

**callmesoon** : I could beat ur ass into next week

**dab8** : ok but tbh does jihoon really need condoms

**tallgyu** : maybe he has a secret relationship we don’t know about.

**bagofluck** : yeah, with his right hand.

**dab8** : omg

**woozigoon** : 

**bagofluck** : knew it.

**woozigoon** : Boyfriends and girlfriends and all other partners are for wimps.

**giantbaby** : i wish i had a girlfriend to spoil :-((((((

**tallgyu** : aww, chan, it’s okay.

**tallgyu** : you’ll find the right girl one day.

**callmesoon** : Wait omg Chan is straight

**giantbaby** : uh yeah i guess so????

**dkdk** : congrats channie boy

**dkdk** : you’re the only straight one in a group chat filled with lovely queer men

**giantbaby** : cool!!!!

**1004angel** : I’m the loveliest though ;-D

**tallgyu** : yeah, right.

**1004angel** : I’ll take you under my wings Chan~

**giantbaby** : uh do i have a say in the matter

**1004angel** : Nope!

**acooldad** : Good luck, kid.

**acooldad** : Once he’s latched on, you ain’t getting rid of him.

**callmesoon** : Awww Jeonghan’s like, adopting you

**dkdk** : cute~

**moonjun** : okay

**moonjun** : if seungkwan is here, dont come into the bathroom in the math hallway

**tallgyu** : oh my god.

**tallgyu** : i can’t believe you and minghao do your stuff in a bathroom.

**dab8** : lol where would u prefer we do it

**tallgyu** : i don’t know, a closet? somewhere where the general public like seungkwan won’t walk in and be scarred for life?

**moonjun** : no thanks we’re good (｡･ω･)ゞ

**bagofluck** : would anyone be willing to lend me $2?

**callmesoon** : Sure if you suck my dick

**tallgyu** : ….

**bagofluck** : tempting, but no.

**bagofluck** : my blowjobs are worth more than that.

**callmesoon** : 

**bagofluck** : anyone else?

 

**_dkdk_ ** has named the group “ **_wonwoo’s million dollar blowjobs_ ** ”

 

**dkdk** : i will

**dkdk** : why??

**bagofluck** : uh, I want to buy a coke from the vending machine at lunch.

**tallgyu** : you can just share with me!

**dkdk** : ew cooties

**dkdk** : meet up w me after this period wonwoo i’ll hook you up

**tallgyu** : i don’t have cooties!

**tallgyu** : what is this, the 5th grade?

**booboothefool** : I miss 5th grade :-((((

**dkdk** : ahhh, those were the days

**dkdk** : back before i had met you guys

**booboothefool** : I just miss snack time in class

**booboothefool** : Now my stomach sounds like a beached whale in the middle of precal

**tallgyu** : r.i.p.

**callmesoon** : Boi you look like a beached whale

**booboothefool** : 

**dkdk** : its okay kwannie

**dkdk** : i know everything seems a little...overwhaleming

**dkdk** : we’re just having some casu-whale banter

 

**_booboothefool_ ** has left the group.

 

**tallgyu** : nice, guys.

**callmesoon** : What, we didn’t make him leave….on porpoise

**dkdk** : BROOOOO

**callmesoon** : LMAOOOOOO

 

**_tallgyu_ ** has added  **_booboothefool_ ** to the group.

 

**booboothefool** : 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was really fun to write lol. i hope it was fun to read.  
> leave me comments!! they make me smile!! :-)


	15. high off of life.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tallgyu: now i feel dirty.
> 
> tallgyu: i need to take, like, 7 showers.

February 17th, 2:19 P.M.

 

**_callmesoon_ ** has started a private chat with **_bagofluck_ ** _._

 

**callmesoon** : Jeon Wonwoo

**callmesoon** : I’m calling upon you at my time of need

**callmesoon** : I’m actually this desperate

**bagofluck** : oh hello there.

**bagofluck** : can I help you with something?

**bagofluck** : if you want your dick sucked, you’re gonna have to run it by mingyu first.

**callmesoon** : No, you asshat

**callmesoon** : I need help

**bagofluck** : 

**bagofluck** : did I...read that correctly?

**bagofluck** : kwon soonyoung needs MY help?

**bagofluck** : of all people?

**callmesoon** : Ha ha very funny

**callmesoon** : Screenshot this convo all you want

**callmesoon** : Seokmin’s birthday is literally tomorrow and I havent gotten him anything yet

**callmesoon** : I’m a really bad procrastinator

**bagofluck** : well, I’m not surprised, considering the fact that you were exposed for giving him half a bag of hot cheetos last year.

**callmesoon** : Stfu!!!!! This is important

**callmesoon** : He’s like, my soulmate dude

**callmesoon** : If he jumped off a bridge, I’d be jumping off after him to catch him

**bagofluck** : not sure that’d work but...okay...

**callmesoon** : I feel hella feelings for my bro

**bagofluck** : like, romantic feelings? do you like him? LOVE him??

**callmesoon** : No

**callmesoon** : I mean

**callmesoon** : Maybe???

**callmesoon** : Like, my heart does a thing whenever he smiles bro. That shit is beautiful

**callmesoon** : His laugh is music to my ears

**callmesoon** : And his jokes make me piss myself occasionally

**callmesoon** : He may be the reason I was in diapers only until recently….

**bagofluck** : uh huh…

**bagofluck** : it sounds to me like you’re in love.

**callmesoon** : So what if I am?!?

**bagofluck** : then you have to think long and hard about a gift.

**callmesoon** : I know something long and hard I could get him…..

**bagofluck** : if you make a dick joke, I’m filling your locker with bees.

**callmesoon** : Okay okay sorry

**callmesoon** : I’ve thought all I can!!! I don’t know what to do

**bagofluck** : well, you could take him to the arcade?

**bagofluck** : pay for his games. you both like video games, surely.

**callmesoon** : Hmmm...not a bad idea. But I need something else too

**callmesoon** : A physical gift

**callmesoon** : Or….a physical ;-) gift

**bagofluck** : watch yourself.

**callmesoon** : Are friendship bracelets too elementary??

**bagofluck** : well, considering both of your mental ages are stuck in the 6th grade, I think that’s a perfect idea.

**callmesoon** : Nice!!

**callmesoon** : Like, I don’t wanna seem too forward about stuff y’know

**bagofluck** : well, why not?

**bagofluck** : he obviously cares for you, too.

**callmesoon** : Nah, Seokmin’s like that with everyone

**callmesoon** : I’m pretty sure I’m bro-zoned for life

**bagofluck** : never lose hope!

**bagofluck** : mingyu never thought he’d get with a stud like me, but we all know how that turned out!

**callmesoon** : I’m so sad

**callmesoon** : Jeon Wonwoo is actually bragging about how much dick he gets… to my FACE

**callmesoon** : Do you have no shame??

**bagofluck** : hush. you know what I mean. you never know until you try!

**bagofluck** : but if I ever catch you two doing dirty things in a school bathroom like jun and minghao, I’m never going to talk to you again.

**callmesoon** : To be honest…

**callmesoon** : That’s a consequence I’d have no trouble facing

**bagofluck** : hey soonyoung.

**bagofluck** : good luck.

**bagofluck** : but also, fuck you.

 

 

* * *

 

 

February 17th, 6:07 P.M.

 

**rapgodhvc** : so y’all know karen from spongebob right

**rapgodhvc** : plankton’s computer wife

**rapgodhvc** : how did my man plankton manage to do the dirty with all those wires in the way

**dab8** : omg

**dab8** : ive always wondered that

**tallgyu** : 

**booboothefool** : I’m dating an idiot

**booboothefool** : An IDIOT

**rapgodhvc** : seungkwan. these are pressing questions

**rapgodhvc** : plus you know you love me shut up

**moonjun** : i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again

**moonjun** : you can stick your dick in anything if you try hard enough（‐＾▽＾‐）

**woozigoon** : Jun. What about solid concrete?

**moonjun** : if you aren’t afraid of getting a lil messy!!

**woozigoon** : 

**acooldad** : Don’t go around sticking your dick in things unless you have consent.

**1004angel** : How is a brick wall supposed to consent

**acooldad** : No means no, Jeonghan.

**tallgyu** : how have any of you survived this long?

**tallgyu** : like, genuinely wondering.

**dkdk** : hello dudes and seungkwan

**booboothefool** : What the heck?!?!?

**dab8** : lol

**giantbaby** : seokmin!! it’s almost your birthday!!!! how do you feel????

**dkdk** : refreshed, ready to grab life by the balls and run

**rapgodhvc** : hey, my birthday is tomorrow too y’know.

**giantbaby** : ohhh, nice.

**giantbaby** : too bad i wasn’t asking you.

**callmesoon** : HOLY SHIT

**callmesoon** : DID WE JUST WITNESS LEE CHAN ROASTING SOMEONE

**dkdk** : lee chan, the undercover savage

**gentlejosh** : 

**1004angel** : I’m raising him well :’-)

**rapgodhvc** : you better watch your back man.

**rapgodhvc** : i know how to give a mean atomic wedgie.

**giantbaby** : noted.

**gentlejosh** : Ahh, this makes me miss high school

**gentlejosh** : It seems like forever ago that I was the one receiving the atomic wedgies

**1004angel** : That doesn’t surprise me.

**rapgodhvc** : joshua….you were a high schooler literally last year

**gentlejosh** : A year makes a lot of difference my good friend

**acooldad** : He has a point.

**acooldad** : A year ago, I thought I was straight. I even played football.

**1004angel** : I turned all that around for you, didn’t I Cheolie? ;-)

**tallgyu** : ew ew ew ew ew ew.

**tallgyu** : did i mention, ew?

**dab8** : mingyu u need to chill

**tallgyu** : i need to chill? you need to chill.

**dkdk** : minghao is literally chill 24/7

**1004angel** : Minghao, do you smoke weed??

**dab8** : nah dude

**dab8** : i get high off of life

**bagofluck** : mingyu may complain about pda in here, but he sure didn’t complain when I blew him in the library the other day.

**dkdk** : holy shit

**dkdk** : you actually did that???? in public????

**tallgyu** : wonwoo! why would you say that?!

**bagofluck** : oh, I didn’t know we were keeping it a secret.

**dab8** : omg gyu

**dab8** : did u feel the adrenaline

**moonjun** : school is just such a fun place to experiment (*･▽･*)

**tallgyu** : now i feel dirty.

**tallgyu** : i need to take, like, 7 showers.

**booboothefool** : Okay, I’m never going back into the library

**booboothefool** : I can’t risk my innocence

**bagofluck** : relax seungkwan, we were in the encyclopedia section.

**woozigoon** : How romantic.

**woozigoon** : If you were wondering, I rolled my eyes while typing that.

**moonjun** : jihoon, you’d enjoy life much more if you went to school with us!!

**dkdk** : it’s a hoot

**callmesoon** : We’d be such a SQUAD bro

**callmesoon** : We could do anything

**woozigoon** : Hmm, no, I’m good.

**callmesoon** : B but

**callmesoon** : The S Q U A D

**woozigoon** : 

**callmesoon** : Fuck you, you Tinkerbell lookin ass

**callmesoon** : I bet you got fairy wings under your shirt

**dab8** : lmao

**booboothefool** : He does look like a fairy….

**woozigoon** : Soonyoung. I’m going to find where you live and mail you a bag of my actual shit.

**1004angel** : Aww, how cute

**woozigoon** : I am not cute, you snake.

**1004angel** : Hiss hiss

**1004angel** : 

**moonjun** : i bet jihoon would kick our asses if he had the chance

**callmesoon** : Pshh, I’d like to see him try

**woozigoon** : Oh, believe me.

**woozigoon** : I could. And I will.

**dkdk** : the fairy speaks the truth

**acooldad** : I’m sure Jihoon is very manly and capable of handling his own business.

**acooldad** : You all need to tone down the flames on this roast fest of yours.

**dab8** : 

**dab8** : ok gramps

**dab8** : whatever u say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took a few days lol. i was trying to find inspiration for this shitshow.  
> okay so...it warms my cold, dying heart when people rec this.  
> and i think some of my mutuals on twitter have read this......awkward....
> 
> but anyway!!! leave comments because i like to know who has laughed because of me. :-)
> 
> (also ps: support Kim Samuel's upcoming debut. that is all)


	16. does that count as bdsm?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bagofluck: nerd.
> 
> rapgodhvc: okay of all people, you have no right to call ANYONE a nerd

February 18th, 6:03 A.M.

 

 **dkdk** : HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEE

 **dkdk** : it’s ya boy

 **dkdk** : lee seokmin

 **dkdk** : coming at ya live

 **tallgyu** : why the heck are you awake?

 **tallgyu** : i was dreaming about shiba inus and my phone vibrating woke me up.

 **dkdk** : awww poor you

 **dkdk** : BUT ITS MY BIRTHDAY

 **dab8** : lol really

 **dab8** : i never wouldve guessed

 **rapgodhvc** : good morning everyone!

 **rapgodhvc** : it’s my birthday too y’know

 **dkdk** : HANSOL

 **dkdk** : not to be rude but like. you’re kinda stealing my spotlight

 **dab8** : damn

 **dab8** : he aint playin around

 **callmesoon** : Can you fuckers go back to sleep

 **dkdk** : SOONYOUNG

 **callmesoon** : What, you little shit

 **dkdk** : wish me happy birthday

 **callmesoon** : The only wishing that’s going down right now is from YOU, wishing I don’t beat your ass when I get to school today

 **dab8** : 

 **dkdk** : soonyoung :-(((((

 **dkdk** : bro :-((((((((((((((

 **tallgyu** : can i go back to sleep now? my shibes are waiting.

 **dab8** : bruh

 **dab8** : its so early

 **dab8** : i can like...hear colors

 **rapgodhvc** : what the heck

 **dkdk** : i cant believe you all hate me

 **acooldad** : Good morning kids!

 **acooldad** : Happy birthday, Seokmin and Hansol!

 **rapgodhvc** : thanks cheol

 **dkdk** : awwww thank you!!!!!

 **dab8** : wait lol

 **dab8** : why are u up this early seungcheol

 **acooldad** : Me? I go for a morning jog each day.

 **dkdk** : that’s disgusting

 **dkdk** : who tf exercises

 **rapgodhvc** : ^^^

 **acooldad** : I gotta keep my legs toned.

 **acooldad** : Unlike you children, I am in a committed relationship and I prefer to look good for my man.

 **dab8** : is dating jeonghan really a commitment

 **dab8** : actually dont answer that

 **dkdk** : jeonghan is probably high maintenance af

 **acooldad** : Well, you’re not exactly wrong…

 **acooldad** : Shh, don’t tell him I said that.

 **rapgodhvc** : or else what?? he’ll cut your dick off????

 **dab8** : omg

 **acooldad** : I could see him doing that.

 **dkdk** : holy shit

 **dkdk** : does that count as bdsm

 **booboothefool** : I opened my messages at the wrong time didnt I???

 **rapgodhvc** : seokmin….chopping a weiner in half doesn’t count as bdsm

 **dkdk** : well how am i supposed to know??

 **dkdk** : im a vanilla sex man

 **dkdk** : plain and simple

 **callmesoon** : Hello I am suddenly awake again

 **callmesoon** : I’m here to expose you

 **dab8** : o shit

 **callmesoon** : Everyone, Seokmin actually has a daddy kink

 **dkdk** : dude i do not

 **acooldad** : A daddy kink?

 **acooldad** : Seokmin, are you turned on by me?

 **dkdk** : 

 **dkdk** : BITCH

 **callmesoon** : You heard it here first folks

 **dkdk** : soonyoung you have lost the privilege of best bro status

 **dkdk** : seungkwan, you are now hired

 **booboothefool** : Heck yes!!!! I’ve been waiting for years!!!!!

 **callmesoon** : Seungkwan, no, you’re fired

 **woozigoon** : No offense, but uh…

 **woozigoon** : CAN Y’ALL GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP?

 **dkdk** : well g’night again guys see you in a few hours at school

 **dab8** : gtg

 **woozigoon** : Ah, much better. :-)

 

 

* * *

 

 

February 18th, 10:37 A.M.

 

 **moonjun** : happy birthday hansol and seokmin .+:｡(ﾉ･ω･)ﾉﾞ

 **1004angel** : Why do you insist on using those ugly ass emoticons

 **dab8** : o shit

 **dab8** : jeonghan snapped

 **moonjun** : jeonghan it’s just who i am~

 **dab8** : ur a little fruity

 **moonjun** : yes, yes i am

 **moonjun** : im also the one who sucks your dick <3

 **1004angel** : 

 **rapgodhvc** : thanks for the birthday wishes everyone!!

 **dkdk** : yeah what he said

 **dkdk** : (except im the more important one)

 **booboothefool** : Seokmin stop bullying him!!!!!

 **booboothefool** : Vernonie is really sensitive~

 **rapgodhvc** : i am not!

 **tallgyu** : well, you kinda are.

 **bagofluck** : hah. didn’t you cry when you accidentally stepped on an ant?

 **bagofluck** : nerd.

 **rapgodhvc** : okay of all people, you have no right to call ANYONE a nerd

 **rapgodhvc** : plus it was a living creature!! how would you like it if someone stepped on you?

 **tallgyu** : hansol has a point.

 **booboothefool** : It’s okay Hansolie~

 **booboothefool** : At least you’re humane!!!!

 **bagofluck** : nerd.

 **rapgodhvc** : 

 **callmesoon** : Seokmin

 **callmesoon** : Do you want your cake at lunch

 **dkdk** : bro

 **dkdk** : you made me a cake??

 **callmesoon** : Of course dude

 **callmesoon** : Everyone deserves cake on their birthday

 **dkdk** : bro

 **dkdk** : im….touched

 **dab8** : lol

 **1004angel** : Can you two just date already?

 **1004angel** : I can feel the romantic tension all the way from here

 **callmesoon** : Hey Jeonghan

 **callmesoon** : There’s this rad new thing going around

 **dkdk** : yeah

 **dkdk** : its called...minding your business

 **booboothefool** : Oh my god

 **booboothefool** : You roasted Jeonghan

 **1004angel** : 

 **1004angel** : I DUNNO WHO TF YOU THINK YOU ARE BUT YOU BETTER WATCH IT

 **callmesoon** : Or what

 **acooldad** : Guys...I’m not kidding. He will cut your dicks off.

 **dab8** : lol i bet he has a collection

 **rapgodhvc** : that’s not a mental image i needed

 **giantbaby** : you guys are crazy.

 **giantbaby** : jeonghan is the most amazing man on earth.

 **giantbaby** : he’s nice, caring, and funny, too.

 **dkdk** : yeah okay, chan

 **dkdk** : how much did he pay you to say that

 **giantbaby** : $20!!!!!!!

 **tallgyu** : can we all stop with the roasting for like...3 seconds?

 **booboothefool** : I’m good with it as long as it isn’t directed at me

 **giantbaby** : well that’s unfortunate seungkwan, considering you’re the most roastable one here.

 **callmesoon** : LOL

 **moonjun** : when did chan learn to be disrespectful like this??

 **1004angel** : Hey honey ;-)

 **1004angel** : He’s learning from the master.

 **gentlejosh** : Hello guys

 **gentlejosh** : Is Jeonghan being a royal douchebag again???

 **dab8** : omg

 **dab8** : now josh is gonna be obliterated

 **gentlejosh** : I have the MOST dirt on Jeonghan

 **gentlejosh** : He wouldn’t dare

 **1004angel** : He’s right :-(

 **dkdk** : define ‘dirt’

 **gentlejosh** : Let’s just say... I have lots of embarrassing stories and an album full of his nudes

 **callmesoon** : WHAT

 **moonjun** : you should send them (* >ω<)

 **dab8** : wtf ew

 **dab8** : r mine not good enough for u

 **tallgyu** : we are NOT exchanging nudes in here.

 **tallgyu** : start your own group for that and make sure to NOT add me.

 **bagofluck** : hmm, it might be a fun activity.

 **booboothefool** : Wonwoo what the heck

 **booboothefool** : I know I don’t use logic….but that’s a new level I wouldn’t even go to

 **bagofluck** : well, if we all sent nudes to each other, it would bring us closer together as friends.

 **dkdk** : yeah no thanks

 **dkdk** : i know its my birthday and all, but nudes as a gift is not what i signed up for

 **callmesoon** : Unless they’re from me ;)

 

 **_moonjun_ ** has named the group “ **_the nude trading station_ ** ”

 

 **woozigoon** : Okay, I’ve been tempted to leave many times but this is the last straw.

 **dab8** : lol y’all r no fun

 **dab8** : dicks are just dicks

 **tallgyu** : yeah, until my picture gets saved and used as blackmail.

 **1004angel** : Mingyu, you have nothing to worry about

 **1004angel** : I’m sure your dick is huge and therefore, no one can blackmail you

 **tallgyu** : 

 **bagofluck** : jeonghan, you’re definitely not wrong.

 

 **_dkdk_ ** has named the group “ **_#EXPOSED_ ** ”

 

 **giantbaby** : why are we talking about d*cks?????

 **dab8** : lol y r u censoring it

 **booboothefool** : He’s a child!!!!!!!!!

 **booboothefool** : Stop corrupting him!!!!!!!!

 **woozigoon** : I’m fairly certain he’s already very corrupted.

 **acooldad** : Especially if he talks to Jeonghan a lot in his free time.

 **acooldad** : It sure as heck ruined me.

 **dkdk** : #protectleechan

 **tallgyu** : poor chan.

 **tallgyu** : he’ll never get a chance at a normal childhood after this chat.

 **dab8** : lol u right

 **tallgyu** : and i’ll never get a chance at a normal adulthood either.

 **dkdk** : that’s a sacrifice you make for friendship!!!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long-ish wait. i hope y'all enjoy this chapter bc it was fun to write for me!!!  
> thank you all for the feedback so far. even if i don't reply, i still appreciate every comment!! you make me smile!!!
> 
> (also y'all......exo is about to have a comeback and im gonna drop DEAD. chanyeol's got rainbow hair and everything y'all. support exo.)


	17. are you into older guys?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tallgyu: okay, as much as i love hearing about your sex lives, let’s tone it down.
> 
> booboothefool: I agree!!!! For Chan’s sake!!!!!!

February 21st, 5:32 P.M. 

 

**woozigoon** : Okay, everyone who is currently single, say I.

**woozigoon** : I.

**giantbaby** : i!!!!!

**gentlejosh** : I?

**woozigoon** : Okay, anyone else?

**dkdk** : uh, soonyoung? do i say i or no

**callmesoon** : No

**dkdk** : okay, not i

**gentlejosh** : Why are you asking who’s single

**moonjun** : hey jihoon~

**moonjun** : if you’re in need of….services...lemme know ( ˘ ³˘)♥

**dab8** : 

**woozigoon** : Minghao, your boyfriend is a hoe.

**1004angel** : Did someone say hoe

**1004angel** : I’m here

**dab8** : omg

**woozigoon** : Okay, anyway…

**woozigoon** : I need one of you to pretend to be my boyfriend.

**gentlejosh** : Excuse me

**1004angel** : Chan, getcho ass out of here

**1004angel** : There is no way I’m letting my darling boy take part in your schemes Jihoon

**giantbaby** : wtf

**giantbaby** : im not your baby you huge cheeseball

**booboothefool** : Mmmm cheeseballs

**woozigoon** : Look, I told my grandma that I was dating someone. I need help.

**bagofluck** : how could you lie to your grandma like that?

**bagofluck** : that poor woman.

**1004angel** : Jihoon, are you into older guys??

**1004angel** : Joshua will GLADLY do it

**gentlejosh** : Fuck off Jeonghan, you roach

**gentlejosh** : Don’t volunteer me!!!

**woozigoon** : Joshua. I’ll pay you $20 if you just have lunch with my grandma and I tomorrow.

**dkdk** : twenty bucks!!! dude, do it

**dkdk** : shit, if you dont, i will

**callmesoon** : Me too wtf

**callmesoon** : We can have a threesome

**gentlejosh** : 

**woozigoon** : Okay. No threesomes. I wouldn’t even have a twosome.

**dab8** : lol how bout a onesome

**dkdk** : minghao don’t you have a dick to suck?

**moonjun** : as a matter of fact, he does ヾ(＾∇＾)

**woozigoon** : Joshua, you are now my fake boyfriend.

**gentlejosh** : Sigh

**1004angel** : Hah!! I win!!

**gentlejosh** : Jeonghan, I know where you live

**gentlejosh** : Your dorm is a short walk away

**gentlejosh** : Say one more word and I’m coming over to “talk”

**acooldad** : I give you my permission to go and beat him up, Joshua.

**1004angel** : Cheol wtf

**1004angel** : Don’t you love me???

**acooldad** : Of course, but you can be kind of...fiesty sometimes.

**1004angel** : Isn’t that how you like it ;-)

**tallgyu** : okay, as much as i love hearing about your sex lives, let’s tone it down.

**booboothefool** : I agree!!!! For Chan’s sake!!!!!!

**giantbaby** : y’all are so extra!!!!

**giantbaby** : i am a grown ass man!!!! i can hear your dirty stories!!!!

**dkdk** : well in that case

**dkdk** : lemme tell you about the time i had a wet dream about soonyoung in a power ranger costume

**woozigoon** : 

**1004angel** : Joshua, your life is about to become a fanfiction

**gentlejosh** : What does that mean

**dab8** : lol the fake boyfriend scenario

**dab8** : a tale as old as time

**1004angel** : You and Jihoon are gonna fall madly in love after pretending to be dating

**1004angel** : I’m calling it now :-)

**1004angel** : Make sure to make me the best man at your wedding!!

**woozigoon** : I’m going to strangle you, Jeonghan.

**gentlejosh** : Dude I’m not a character in a fanfic

**gentlejosh** : I won’t fall in love

**woozigoon** : Neither will I. I won’t allow it. Feelings are for scrubs.

**dkdk** : hey soonyoung

**callmesoon** : Yeah bro

**dkdk** : bet you $10 joshua and jihoon become a thing

**callmesoon** : Bet accepted dude

**woozigoon** : Jesus Christ…

**gentlejosh** : Not even HE can save you all now

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

February 21st, 9:03 P.M.

 

**_rapgodhvc_ ** has started a private chat with  **_booboothefool_ ** _. _

 

**rapgodhvc** : seungkwan

**rapgodhvc** : we need to talk about something serious.

**booboothefool** : Oh no….

**booboothefool** : I knew this day would come :-(((((

**booboothefool** : Hold on, let me go get my tissues and my ice cream

**rapgodhvc** : ???

**rapgodhvc** : what do you mean??

**booboothefool** : You’re dumping me

**booboothefool** : I can tell by your tone of voice!!!!!

**booboothefool** : I’m too clingy, too childish, too annoying for you

**booboothefool** : You’re way out of my league and we both know it

**rapgodhvc** : seungkwannie

**rapgodhvc** : will you listen to me for a second

**rapgodhvc** : everyone knows im handsome but that doesn’t mean im out of your league!!

**booboothefool** : Gee, thanks

**booboothefool** : Well, this relationship was good while it lasted

**rapgodhvc** : hold your horses

**rapgodhvc** : im not dumping you

**rapgodhvc** : i just want to talk!!

**booboothefool** : ISN’T THAT WHAT TALKING MEANS?????

**rapgodhvc** : not necessarily!

**booboothefool** : All the soap operas I’ve watched have lied to me

**rapgodhvc** : okay…..anyway…..

**rapgodhvc** : there’s this thing that’s been bugging me

**rapgodhvc** : yknow how you always win when we play mario kart???

**booboothefool** : Well duh

**booboothefool** : These hands are insured

**booboothefool** : I’m just THAT good!!!

**rapgodhvc** : well...maybe you could let me win once??

**rapgodhvc** : ill love you a whole lot

**booboothefool** : Awwww Vernonie~

**booboothefool** : There’s not a chance I would let you win

**rapgodhvc** : the

**rapgodhvc** : okay why not??

**booboothefool** : I have too much pride!!!

**booboothefool** : I could teach you how to get better though!!!!!

**rapgodhvc** : well i guess that’s better than nothing

**booboothefool** : Exactly!!!!

**booboothefool** : Then maybe one day you can beat me :-)

**rapgodhvc** : bless up

**rapgodhvc** : youre the best kwannie

**booboothefool** : I know!!! ;-D

 

 

* * *

 

 

February 22nd, 11:13 A.M. 

 

**tallgyu** : today is the day of joshua’s fake date!

**tallgyu** : god grant him the serenity to deal with jihoon.

**gentlejosh** : I don’t know why you guys are making a big deal out of this

**callmesoon** : Have you ever heard of...shipping

**dab8** : lol yeah

**dab8** : i think everyone lowkey ships you and jihoon

**gentlejosh** : I swear

**gentlejosh** : My life is not a fanfiction!!

**woozigoon** : Agreed.

**woozigoon** : Josh, what are you wearing? I don’t want to be too dressed up.

**gentlejosh** : Just jeans and a button-down

**callmesoon** : Ooohohoho

**dkdk** : aww, young love :-)

**booboothefool** : We’re watching a romance blossom right before our eyes!!!

**woozigoon** : 

**bagofluck** : you guys, it’s literally fake.

**gentlejosh** : Thank you!

**gentlejosh** : Wonwoo is the only one with sense in this entire chat

**1004angel** : Um, excuse me bitch

**1004angel** : You’re gonna thank me in 10 years when you and Jihoon adopt your first kid

**woozigoon** : What the fuck?

**gentlejosh** : Jeonghan, don’t you have things to do

**1004angel** : No, Seungcheol is busy ;-)

**dab8** : lol

**dab8** : just admit it josh

**dab8** : ur gonna fall in love with all 5’4 of jihoon

**callmesoon** : LOL

**woozigoon** : I’m 5’5, you ignorant meatball.

**booboothefool** : Awww cute~

**rapgodhvc** : y’all leave josh alone

**rapgodhvc** : just because him and jihoon are the only ones not dating anyone doesnt mean they’ll get together!

**giantbaby** : hey!!!! im single too!!!!!

**dkdk** : yeah, you’re also straight as fuck

**giantbaby** : true. plus jeonghan wouldn’t let me date any of you anyway

**1004angel** : He’s right

**1004angel** : I’m holding Chan to high standards

**tallgyu** : i’ll be very, VERY surprised if anything happens between jihoon and josh.

**gentlejosh** : It WONT

**moonjun** : that’s what they all say 

**moonjun** : it always starts with denial

**moonjun** : then before you know it, you’re giving a blowjob in the backseat of a car

**moonjun** : on the run from the cops

**moonjun** : changing your name to wonho and moving across the country

**callmesoon** : The hell kinda name is Wonho

**woozigoon** : That sounds like a crazy sexual fantasy that I will NOT be apart of.

**gentlejosh** : ^^^

**moonjun** : we’ll see about that “ψ(｀∇´)ψ

**1004angel** : Just remember

**1004angel** : I’m always right

**1004angel** : 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo yeah. how do y'all feel about 2ji lol yes or no???? or maybe???? i dunno
> 
> i threw in a monsta x reference just because jun is a wonho fanboy and i love mx very much so if you appreciated it, i appreciate YOU. (stan monsta x).
> 
> let me know your opinions, if you laughed, cried, snorted, sneezed, threw up, anything.  
> your comments give me motivation :-)
> 
> until next time my lovely people!


	18. do not jump off the roof.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> callmesoon: IM INVINCIBLE
> 
> dkdk: uh yeah sure

February 22nd, 9:13 P.M. 

 

**dkdk** : where is soonyoung

**dkdk** : broooooo

**1004angel** : Why, hello there Seokmin

**dkdk** : dude are you hitting on me

**dkdk** : jeonghan, you’ve reached a new low

**tallgyu** : hey guys.

**tallgyu** : what’s up?

**dkdk** : im looking for soonyoung

**dab8** : lol

**dab8** : its friday night hes probably at a party

**1004angel** : Woah Seokmin

**1004angel** : You need to control your man better

**dkdk** : bro

**dkdk** : im not that type of guy

**dkdk** : plus he’s not my man

**dab8** : yet

**bagofluck** : oh, jeeze.

**bagofluck** : smh, I told that idiot to make a move already!

**dkdk** : wonwoo as much as i appreciate your input

**dkdk** : i really don’t want it

**dkdk** : me and soonyoung are just bros, bro

**1004angel** : Then what’s up with all the lovey dovey talk

**1004angel** : Who else in here is willing to suck your dick like he is???

**dab8** : lol

**dab8** : i bet jun would do it

**moonjun** : hello did i hear someone say...dick sucking

**dkdk** : goodbye jun your hoe presence is not needed here

**moonjun** : 

**1004angel** : Look Seokmin

**1004angel** : I’m not cupid or anything

**1004angel** : BUT

**1004angel** : I can tell when someone’s in love ;-)

**tallgyu** : i can’t picture seokmin and soonyoung ACTUALLY dating.

**tallgyu** : like, who would date soonyoung? seriously?

**dkdk** : uh me bitch

**1004angel** : Told ya so

**dab8** : omg

**dab8** : y dont u just do something about it seokmin

**dkdk** : because!!!

**dkdk** : i dont know???

**bagofluck** : you two are insane.

**bagofluck** : you’re literally attached at the hip.

**bagofluck** : the other day, I walked in the bathroom to pee, and there was soonyoung, texting you, while he was peeing. that’s dedication.

**dkdk** : holy shit

**dkdk** : he texted me at the same time he was holding his dick

**dab8** : jesus christ

**1004angel** : All I’m saying is that you should make a move

**giantbaby** : hi guys!!!!!

**giantbaby** : what’d i miss????

**1004angel** : Relationship talk, my sweet child

**dab8** : lol

**dab8** : have u just adopted chan 

**1004angel** : Sure why not

**1004angel** : I love raising the next generation of people like me

**giantbaby** : i really didn’t have a say in the matter!!!

**acooldad** : That’s a terrible idea.

**acooldad** : Chan, run. Run and don’t look back.

**1004angel** : Oh hush you big oaf

**dab8** : has any1 talked to jihoon or josh lately

**tallgyu** : oh yeah, we never asked how their fake date went.

**1004angel** : You mean, “fake” ;-)

**1004angel** : They’re probably gettin it on right now as we speak

**woozigoon** : Hello people.

**woozigoon** : And Jeonghan.

**1004angel** :  

**woozigoon** : I’ll have you know, me and Josh are not “getting it on.” We’re actually playing  **video** games.

**dkdk** : date date date date

**dab8** : lol y’all consider that a date

**gentlejosh** : It’s not even a date

**gentlejosh** : We’re just hanging out

**woozigoon** : Yeah, AS FRIENDS.

**1004angel** : Mmmhm, whatever you say

**1004angel** : One minute y’all will be holding the controllers

**1004angel** : The next minute, BAM, you’re naked

**1004angel** : You’ll be playing with a different type of joystick soon ;-)

 

**_1004angel_ ** has left the group.

 

**woozigoon** : Whoops, my finger slipped.

**dab8** : lol blocked bitch

**bagofluck** : poor jeonghan. 

**gentlejosh** : 

 

**_woozigoon_ ** has added **_1004angel_ ** to the group.

 

**1004angel** : Looks like SOMEONE can’t take a joke

**gentlejosh** : Oh relax you moldy piece of bread 

**dab8** : o shit

**dab8** : bringin out the big guns tonight

**acooldad** : Jeonghan, settle down.

**dkdk** : hah

**dkdk** : is seungcheol gonna ground jeonghan

**dkdk** : such a dad move

**1004angel** : Only if he wants to never get laid ever again

**acooldad** : Right.

**tallgyu** : really, where is soonyoung?

**moonjun** : he’s at a party!! some other senior was throwing one tonight

**moonjun** : his name is i.m. or something like that. he likes to call himself a “rapper”

**rapgodhvc** : tell him to hmu

**rapgodhvc** : we could do a track together

**dab8** : lol

**bagofluck** : hmm, I wonder why it was just soonyoung that was invited.

**tallgyu** : well, you’re not exactly the life of the party.

**dab8** : damn get him gyu

**dkdk** : if only he had shown up

**dkdk** : all this mess would have been avoided

**1004angel** : You can’t avoid love forever Seokmin

**1004angel** : Eventually it’ll come to you whether you like it or not

**giantbaby** : oh wow

**giantbaby** : jeonghan actually said something smart!!!!!

**dab8** : lol

**1004angel** : 

 

**_dkdk_ ** has named the group “ **_life advice with jeonghan_ ** ”

 

**acooldad** : Guys…

**acooldad** : Don’t take life advice from Jeonghan.

 

**_dkdk_ ** has named the group “ **_life advice 2.0 with seungcheol_ ** ”

 

**acooldad** : Much better.

**callmesoon** : LE E SEOKMIN

**callmesoon** : IM  FRUNK AS DUCK

**callmesoon** : DRUNK AS FUCK

**tallgyu** : oh, dear god, someone go take his phone away.

**dkdk** : bro! you finally showed up

**callmesoon** : I LVOE YO U SO MUCH

**callmesoon** : HOLY FUCK

**bagofluck** : if this is what he calls making a move, I’m going to fight him.

**dab8** : lol u? fighting someone?

**bagofluck** : not with strength. with words.

**dab8** : uh huh

**dab8** : ok

**callmesoon** : SEOKMIN

**callmesoon** : Dat e me

**1004angel** : Gasp

**1004angel** : Is this a confession I see??

**callmesoon** : I can’t  live without you bro

**callmesoon** : BRO

**callmesoon** : I WANNA SUCK YOUR DICK

**tallgyu** : quick, someone shield chan’s eyes.

**rapgodhvc** : is this actually happening

**booboothefool** : Aww!!! Drunk Soonyoung is fun!!!!

**callmesoon** : SEOKMIN

**dkdk** : what im right here stop yelling

**dkdk** : what’s up bro

**callmesoon** : Be my boyfriend

**callmesoon** : WAIT

**callmesoon** : MY BROFRIEND

**1004angel** : This is disgusting

**1004angel** : I’m so into it

**woozigoon** : You guys are weirdos.

**gentlejosh** : ^^^

**booboothefool** : Hush!!! We’re watching love unfold right before our eyes

**dab8** : lol go back to ur video games

**dkdk** : soonyoung you’re drunk

**dkdk** : we can’t actually date

**callmesoon** : WHY NOT

**callmesoon** : I love you bro

**callmesoon** : In a not-bro way

**callmesoon** : Full homo

**dkdk** : are you serious??

**giantbaby** : oh for pete’s sakes!!!!

**giantbaby** : can you two just date?????

**callmesoon** : Don’t REJECT ME

**callmesoon** : IN FRONT OF ALL OUR FRIENDS

**callmesoon** : BRO I ALMOST JUST  FELL  OFF THE ROOF

**dkdk** : soonyoung!!!

**dkdk** : why are you on the roof???

**callmesoon** : Good question

**moonjun** : this is how all good romance starts ٩(♡ε♡ )۶

**moonjun** : drunk and on a roof

**dkdk** : soonyoung

**dkdk** : i’ll date you

**dkdk** : but please get off the damn roof

**1004angel** : HAHAAA

**1004angel** : I TOLD YOU IT WOULD HAPPEN

**dkdk** : thank you jeonghan i owe my entire life to you

**dkdk** : how could i ever repay you??

**1004angel** : You can’t

**1004angel** : I’ll just rub it in your face for as long as I live :-)

**dab8** : lol rip seokmin

**bagofluck** : okay, now that soonyoung has finally removed his head from his ass…

**callmesoon** : JEON WALNUT

**callmesoon** : WH OOPS

**callmesoon** : JEON WATERSLIDE

**callmesoon** : WONWOO

**tallgyu** : ooh, jeon waterslide, that sounds like the name of a superhero.

**bagofluck** : what, you drunk baffoon?

**dkdk** : hey, don’t insult my boyfriend like that you squid

**bagofluck** : 

**callmesoon** : You motherFUCKER

**callmesoon** : Jeon WOnwoo

**callmesoon** : I’m gonna fight you as soon  as I see you again

**tallgyu** : uh, why?

**callmesoon** : BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT

**callmesoon** : IM INVINCIBLE

**dkdk** : uh yeah sure

**dkdk** : but please

**dkdk** : do not jump off the roof or attempt to give yourself a blowjob

**callmesoon** : WAIT that’s a good ass idea

**dab8** : holy shit

**moonjun** : i’ve tried and failed

**dkdk** : jun wtf

**tallgyu** : soonyoung, do not suck your own dick please.

**woozigoon** : Wait. I kinda wanna know if it works.

**woozigoon** : Please, let us know.

**tallgyu** : please, DO NOT.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so seoksoon is a /thing/
> 
> lemme know if you enjoyed this installment of "what the heck am i doing with my life?"  
> your comments make me very very happy!! i'll try to have chapters up ASAP.
> 
> (are any of you getting diamond edge tickets?? i'm nervous af for the presale tomorrow!! i'm gonna try so hard to get vip i just want hi-touch y'know...i would kill to high-five seungkwan. that is all).


	19. in a fragile state.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> woozigoon: Would anyone mind if I blocked them forever? Just asking.
> 
> dkdk: don’t be jealous my guy

February 25th, 9:05 A.M. 

 

**moonjun** : holy cow

**moonjun** : i had a dream josh and jihoon were actually dating (✿☉｡☉)

**woozigoon** : Hey buddy.

**woozigoon** : Not gonna happen.

**moonjun** : it was so realistic!!

**moonjun** : it was a cute lil coffee shop date awwww

**moonjun** : pls date. pls

**dkdk** : jun

**dkdk** : why do you have dreams of other people dating

**moonjun** : i mean...i once dreamt of you and soonyoung dating

**moonjun** : i predicted the future!!

**callmesoon** : Bro

**callmesoon** : It was bound to happen anyway

**dkdk** : true

**dab8** : wtf jun

**dab8** : i give u free blowjobs

**dab8** : this is a friends w benefits situation

**dab8** : and yet u dont dream of me??

**moonjun** : oh, my dearest minghao

**moonjun** : calm down.

**gentlejosh** : Why does it matter so much to you all that me and Jihoon find love

**gentlejosh** : Maybe I’m happy being a single man

**gentlejosh** : I have more time to study

**1004angel** : Oh please

**1004angel** : I know you’re jealous of me and Cheol~

**bagofluck** : jeonghan, no offense, but I don’t think anyone is jealous of you and him.

**acooldad** : The man has a point.

**1004angel** : Seungcheol. Sometimes I doubt that you’re ever on my side

**acooldad** : Oops! Maybe I’m not.

**1004angel** : 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

February 25th, 10:42 A.M.

 

**_woozigoon_ ** has started a private chat with  **_gentlejosh_ ** .

 

**woozigoon** : Oh, hello.

**woozigoon** : Didn’t expect to see you here.

**gentlejosh** : Jihoon

**gentlejosh** : You created the chat you nerd

**woozigoon** : Right, right. Sorry.

**woozigoon** : I’m on edge, man. I’m on EDGE.

**gentlejosh** : Relax relax!!

**gentlejosh** : What’s wrong

**woozigoon** : Why do they want us to be dating so bad?

**woozigoon** : I don’t understand.

**woozigoon** : I’m just a simple man, living my simple life, minding my own business.

**gentlejosh** : Well IM not the one who lied to his grandma

**woozigoon** : Josh.

**woozigoon** : She kept bugging me and bugging me.

**woozigoon** : “Oh, Jihoon, you must be so lonely!”

**woozigoon** : “Oh, Jihoon, surely you have a nice lady friend or man friend!”

**gentlejosh** : Lol man friend

**woozigoon** : I had to lie! She was blowing up my phone every single day with requests to meet the “special person in my life.”

**woozigoon** : Once she met you at lunch the other day, it got her to tone it down, but still.

**woozigoon** : She must really, really want grandkids.

**gentlejosh** : Woah woah woah

**woozigoon** : Relax, stupid. I’m only gonna use you when I need you.

**gentlejosh** : That’s….suggestive

**gentlejosh** : Please don’t make me have your babies.

**woozigoon** : I’m about to block you.

**gentlejosh** : Oh relax

**gentlejosh** : Y’know...I was thinking..

**woozigoon** : About?

**gentlejosh** : What if we took the fake dating to the next level

**woozigoon** : The...next level. That’s never good.

**gentlejosh** : Hear me out

**gentlejosh** : Since all of those pests in the groupchat wanna be annoying about it

**gentlejosh** : We can play into it

**gentlejosh** : Convince them all we’re actually dating

**gentlejosh** : And then play them all

**woozigoon** : You’re evil. Pure evil.

**woozigoon** : But I love a good practical joke. Especially the evil kind.

**gentlejosh** : It’s lit!!

**woozigoon** : Please. Never say “lit” unironically.

**woozigoon** : I might have to punch you.

**gentlejosh** : Now now sweetheart, no violence

**woozigoon** : Ew, petnames.

**woozigoon** : I dunno if I can do this without puking, Josh.

**woozigoon** : If I’m ever with you, I might need to carry around a trashcan to hurl into.

**gentlejosh** : You have to do it with me, cmon!!

**gentlejosh** : It’ll be so fun to mess with them

**woozigoon** : Jesus Christ.

**woozigoon** : Okay...darling.

**gentlejosh** : There we go!!

**gentlejosh** : You’re a natural

**woozigoon** : Believe me...there is nothing natural about this.

  
  


* * *

 

 

February 27th, 7:17 P.M. 

  
  


**bagofluck** : all of this college talk at school is stressing me out.

**moonjun** : relatable

**moonjun** : i dunno what i wanna major in?? i’m just a poor child

**callmesoon** : Where are the college men in this chat

**callmesoon** : Josh, Jeonghan, Coups, show yourselves

**moonjun** : i need advice (◕︿◕✿)

**acooldad** : Do not fear, kids.

**acooldad** : I’m here to help.

**1004angel** : I can try to help but y’all don’t like listening to me

**moonjun** : true

**acooldad** : You guys don’t need to pick a major just yet. You can go in undecided!

**bagofluck** : what are you guys majoring in?

**acooldad** : Sports medicine! Cool, right?

**callmesoon** : Uhhhhh

**callmesoon** : Sure

**1004angel** : I’m majoring in Psychology and eventually I’ll go to med school for Psychiatry

**moonjun** : oooooh

**moonjun** : if you were a doctor i would not want to be treated by you

**1004angel** : 

**gentlejosh** : I’m majoring in gay anime

**callmesoon** : LMAO

**callmesoon** : WHAT

**1004angel** : Josh is a weeaboo don’t listen to him

**gentlejosh** : I can’t deny the truth ;-D

**bagofluck** : this escalated quickly.

**booboothefool** : Did someone say gay anime??

**booboothefool** : Have you guys watched Haikyuu??????

**callmesoon** : Seungkwan get outta here the grown ups are talking

**booboothefool** : >:-(

**woozigoon** : Joshua, sweetheart, you need to calm yourself.

**callmesoon** : Did I

**callmesoon** : Read that right

**1004angel** : SWEETHEART????

**moonjun** : oh my god

**moonjun** : jihoon is being endearing

**moonjun** : someone call the cops

**dab8** : omg

**dab8** : whatd i miss

**booboothefool** : JIHOON CALLED JOSH SWEETHEART

**gentlejosh** : Y’all jealous or

**1004angel** : What happened to “oh we’re not dating it’s all fake”

**woozigoon** : Gotcha, bitch.

**callmesoon** : 

**moonjun** : 

**1004angel** : What the HELL is going on

**tallgyu** : holy cow.

**tallgyu** : usually i’m not one for drama but this is exciting.

**dab8** : lol mingyu is the reason for all of this

**dkdk** : ^^^

**dkdk** : without mingyu, none of us would have found love

**dkdk** : even JIHOON is finding love

**giantbaby** : can’t relate

**callmesoon** : I….cannot believe this

**callmesoon** : He actually said the word sweetheart

**callmesoon** : Like….his own fingers typed that out

**moonjun** : unless he was possessed (⊙﹏⊙✿)

**woozigoon** : I was not possessed.

**woozigoon** : I’m simply showing affection.

**woozigoon** : For Josh. 

**1004angel** : OH MY GO D

**callmesoon** : FUCK FUCK UFCKF UCK ITS HAPPENING

**gentlejosh** : Oh my god???

**dkdk** : you guys broke jeonghan and soonyoung

**dkdk** : like, they’ll never be the same

**tallgyu** : i’m the real matchmaker here.

**tallgyu** : first me and wonwoo, seungkwan and hansol, soonyoung and seokmin, minghao and jun, and now jihoon and josh?? what the heck! i’m on a roll!!

**acooldad** : I only have myself to blame for Jeonghan and I.

**dab8** : “blame” lol

**1004angel** : 

**1004angel** : I’m in a fragile state

**rapgodhvc** : hey guys what’d i miss

**bagofluck** : so much, hansol. so much.

**rapgodhvc** : someone else is dating now? not surprised

**rapgodhvc** : that’s what happens when you throw a bunch of gay guys into a group chat

**rapgodhvc** : we gravitate to each other

**callmesoon** : Hansol now is not the time for your philosophical bullshit

**rapgodhvc** : im just sayin!! everyone is dating each other

**rapgodhvc** : except chan. he’s the trademark Straight Friend

**giantbaby** : and im perfectly good with that!!!!!!!

**giantbaby** : as long as everyone is happy <3333

**moonjun** : okay so now that jihoon and josh are apparently a thing

**moonjun** : who owes each other money?

**dkdk** : soonyoung, my dearest bro,

**dkdk** : you owe me $10

**callmesoon** : Of course my lovely dude

**callmesoon** : I’m just glad they’re a THING

**woozigoon** : Yep. Totally a thing.

**tallgyu** : very amused, as usual.

**tallgyu** : also...seokmin, soonyoung, you guys are together now? what’s with the bro stuff still?

**callmesoon** : Bro

**dkdk** : relationships can fail

**dkdk** : but bros?? bros are forever

**callmesoon** : Bro that’s what I was gonna say

**callmesoon** : Bro

**dkdk** : yeah dude?

**callmesoon** : When I’m with you...I feel no pain.

**callmesoon** : You’re like my ibubrofen

**dkdk** : BRO

**dab8** : this is gay af

**rapgodhvc** : and yet still very hetero

**callmesoon** : Nothing about me is hetero

**dkdk** : you are….hetebro though

**callmesoon** : DUUUUUDE

**dkdk** : BRO!!

**woozigoon** : Would anyone mind if I blocked them forever? Just asking.

**dkdk** : don’t be jealous my guy

**dkdk** : you and josh are the new thing around here

**callmesoon** : But me and Seokmin???

**callmesoon** : We’re the kings

**dkdk** : damn straight

**dab8** : damn *gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you all enjoy this mess of a chapter lmao.
> 
> in other news..... I GOT VIP TICKETS TO SVT IN CHICAGO IM GONNA MEET MY MEN  
> y'all......i cry everytime i think about it i'm so hecking excited IM GONNA TOUCH SEUNGKWAN'S HAND AHHH
> 
> okay anyway...thank you for all the feedback as usual, even if i don't respond to all comments i still love and appreciate all the nice things people say about this trash dump <3333


	20. buns of steel.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tallgyu: uh, this is a little uncomfortable.

March 2nd, 11:19 A.M.

 

 **giantbaby** : hey everyone!!!!!

 **giantbaby** : i have some exciting news!!!

 **dkdk** : family feud is on

 **dkdk** : you met steve harvey

 **dkdk** : you’re gonna be on family feud

 **tallgyu** : seokmin, i think we need to talk about your obsession.

 **callmesoon** : It isn’t an obsession according to him

 **dkdk** : right

 **dkdk** : it’s a lifestyle smh

 **dab8** : 

 **bagofluck** : okay, anyway...what’s the haps chan?

 **giantbaby** : i think i have a crush!!!!!!!

 **giantbaby** : she’s so cute!!!! and smart!!!! and she let me copy her homework yesterday!!!!!

 **callmesoon** : Bro

 **callmesoon** : That means you’ve been to like, 8th base with her already

 **dab8** : lol

 **dab8** : go u chan

 **dab8** : get dat ass

 **giantbaby** : minghao, no!!!!!

 **tallgyu** : excuse me, but around here, we respect women.

 **callmesoon** : Hell yeah!!!!

 **rapgodhvc** : 

 **dab8** : bruh i respect women

 **dab8** : respecting women is my middle name

 **bagofluck** : xu respecting women minghao. iconic.

 **woozigoon** : What a name.

 **dab8** : lol fuck u guys

 **moonjun** : go for it, channie boy~

 **moonjun** : ask her out! o(^∀^*)o

 **1004angel** : What’s this I hear about Chan

 **1004angel** : Don’t do ANYTHING yet

 **giantbaby** : why not jeonghan??????

 **1004angel** : Because

 **1004angel** : I know how the Straights™ work

 **1004angel** : You gotta play hard to get

 **booboothefool** : What the?????

 **booboothefool** : That’s a straight thing?????

 **1004angel** : It’s quite enlightening Seungkwan

 **1004angel** : This is why I’m a certified relationship counselor

 **rapgodhvc** : if that’s the case please tell seungkwan to stop raiding my fridge and eating all my food when he comes over

 **booboothefool** : Bitch?????

 **booboothefool** : Why’d you have to expose me like that?!?!

 

 **_bagofluck_ ** has named the group “ **_the sk exposers™_ ** ”

 

 **dkdk** : one time, seungkwan sat on a pencil and it broke in half

 **dab8** : lol the ass power

 **booboothefool** : I don’t get how that’s anything to be ashamed of but go off I guess

 **tallgyu** : didn’t you accidentally call our math teacher mom once?

 **callmesoon** : Bro I’ve done that

 **tallgyu** : yeah everyone has, except our math teacher is a dude, so…

 **callmesoon** : LOL

 **booboothefool** : 

 **acooldad** : Roasting is not the answer.

 **acooldad** : Unless, of course, it is a barbecue. Then it is acceptable.

 **dkdk** : dude

 **dkdk** : you’re like, young. why do you act like a DAD

 **1004angel** : It’s his personality

 **1004angel** : All he listens to is classic rock

 **acooldad** : Because classic rock is bomb, duh.

 **dab8** : “bomb” lol

 **dab8** : this aint 2010 dude

 **woozigoon** : I personally think it suits Seungcheol.

 **gentlejosh** : ^^^

 **gentlejosh** : Id trust him to make me a good burger

 **acooldad** : That...means so much?

 **acooldad** : I’m sweating out of my eyes.

 **1004angel** : Okay back to the matter at hand

 **1004angel** : Chan, don’t go for the girl right away

 **giantbaby** : but why not???? she might like me back!!!

 **bagofluck** : or you could be disappointed and not find love and stay lonely for the rest of your life, wallowing in a pit of sadness.

 **callmesoon** : Wonwoo what the FUCK

 **callmesoon** : Stop being such an edgelord

 **bagofluck** : well I’m sorry, I just don’t want him to jump to conclusions, you meatsack.

 **callmesoon** : Seokminnnnn

 **callmesoon** : Wonwoo called me a meatsack :-((((

 **dkdk** : bro it’s kinda true

 **callmesoon** : 

 **tallgyu** : chan, how accurate can jeonghan’s advice really be?

 **tallgyu** : i say if you like someone, you should tell them.

 **dkdk** : uh huh….

 **dkdk** : says the one that couldn’t admit he had the PHATTEST crush on wonwoo at the beginning of the year

 **dab8** : yeah smh gyu

 **dab8** : i had to hand ur homework in for u bc u were too scared of looking at wonwoo when he collected it

 **bagofluck** : aww, really? that’s adorable.

 **tallgyu** : i’m gonna fight all of you.

 **tallgyu** : believe me.

 **giantbaby** : okay actually mingyu has a point!!!!!

 **1004angel** : 

 **1004angel** : Excuse me bitch??

 **1004angel** : When have I EVER steered you wrong??

 **giantbaby** : that time i had a science quiz???

 **giantbaby** : you told me to cheat by writing answers on my thigh under my shorts

 **giantbaby** : but the teacher caught me with my hand on my leg and he thought i had a boner in the middle of class!!!!

 **callmesoon** : OH MY GOD

 **giantbaby** : i was so embarrassed!!!!!!!!

 **1004angel** : Okay that was ONE time…

 **gentlejosh** : Jeonghan.

 **gentlejosh** : You’re not even straight how can you tell how their relationships work??

 **1004angel** : Trust me

 **acooldad** : I mean, I thought I was straight until he got into my head.

 **acooldad** : Now we fuck and I’m like, 100% gay.

 **1004angel** : ^^^

 **1004angel** : A satisfied customer

 **moonjun** : fuck jeonghan, channie boy

 **moonjun** : become your own person

 **moonjun** : you don’t need him parenting you!!

 **giantbaby** : hell yeah!!!!!!!

 **booboothefool** : Excuse me, language, young man

 **giantbaby** : 

  
  


* * *

  
  


March 3rd, 1:42 P.M.

 

 **callmesoon** : My neck

 **callmesoon** : My back

 **callmesoon** : Lick my pu$$y and my crack

 **woozigoon** : On a completely unrelated note, how much bleach do I have to drink to die fast?

 **bagofluck** : google says just chug the whole thing.

 **woozigoon** : Nice! See y’all later!

 **callmesoon** : JIHOON N O

 **callmesoon** : Think of the children

 **callmesoon** : And your lover

 **woozigoon** : Riiiiiight.

 **gentlejosh** : Did someone say lover

 **dkdk** : speak of the devil

 **callmesoon** : Josh have y’all fucked yet

 **woozigoon** : 

 **gentlejosh** : Okay no we have not had sex yet

 **gentlejosh** : We’re taking our time

 **woozigoon** : That’s right.

 **dkdk** : i wonder who tops between them

 **callmesoon** : My bet’s on Jihoon

 **moonjun** : what the

 **moonjun** : no!!

 **moonjun** : jihoon is too cute to top ( ・◇・)？

 **moonjun** : he’s totally a bottom!!

 **woozigoon** : FUCK OFF.

 **woozigoon** : I’D GLADLY SHOVE MY DICK INTO JOSH IF IT MEANS PEOPLE STOP CALLING ME CUTE.

 **callmesoon** : 

 **dkdk** : what the actual  fuck

 **gentlejosh** : 

 **dab8** : did jihoon just admit to wanting to fuck josh

 **dab8** : wow

 **dab8** : today has been wildt

 

 **_dkdk_ ** has named the group “ **_jihoon tops 2k17_ ** ”

 

 **callmesoon** : I wonder who else tops in here

 **booboothefool** : Hah not me

 **rapgodhvc** : we’re both still virgins

 **rapgodhvc** : but yeah

 **tallgyu** : uh, this is a little uncomfortable.

 **callmesoon** : Who tops between Wonwoo and Mingyu??

 **callmesoon** : My money is on Wonwoo

 **bagofluck** : why do you say that?

 **tallgyu** : wait, you guys actually have theories on this? what the??

 **callmesoon** : Well, first, Wonwoo is mean as shit and also he’s too skinny to be a bottom

 **callmesoon** : Mingyu’s huge dong would rip him apart

 **dkdk** : ewwwww

 **tallgyu** : okay. i have no words.

 

 **_tallgyu_ ** has left the group.

 

 **dkdk** : rip kim mingyu

 **dab8** : omg

 **dab8** : u made him leave

 **dab8** : he birthed this gc

 **callmesoon** : It’s a plausible thoery

 **callmesoon** : Wonwoo, what is the truth

 **bagofluck** : hmm, I don’t think you could handle it if I told you.

 

 **_bagofluck_ ** has added **_tallgyu_ ** to the group.

 

 **dkdk** : spill the beans you two

 

 **_tallgyu_ ** has changed their display name to **_topgyu_ **

 

 **topgyu** : didn’t see that coming, did ya, soonyoung.

 **callmesoon** : BITCH HWAT THE UFCK

 **callmesoon** : HOW

 **callmesoon** : HOW IS WONWOO’S ASS OKAY

 **bagofluck** : it’s made of steel.

 

 **_dkdk_ ** has named the group “ **_wonwoo’s buns of steel_ ** ”

 

 **booboothefool** : Okay I dont know whats happening but I’m just gonna shut my phone off forever

 **gentlejosh** : ^^^

 **woozigoon** : ^^^

 **rapgodhvc** : ^^^

 **rapgodhvc** : for once he says something rational

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO it's been a lil while!! sorry for the wait, i was with my gf for 10 days and i was not about to update this piece of crap on my vacation :-))
> 
> i hope you enjoy this installment of "what the hell am i doing?!?!"
> 
> also, 10K HITS WHAT THE i'm so in shock??? thank you so much?? i feel...so loved?? it makes me happy that so many people have clicked on this and actually given it a chance lol. thank you as always <3


	21. there is no escape.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1004angel: Jihoon you sound more dramatic than me
> 
> 1004angel: You’ve hit a new low, my friend

March 5th, 5:28 P.M. 

 

**woozigoon** : Y’know…

**woozigoon** : If the dancing hot dog on Snapchat was a person, it’d be Soonyoung.

**dab8** : lol right

**callmesoon** : I take that as the highest compliment you have to offer

**bagofluck** : nonsense.

**bagofluck** : the highest compliments jihoon has to offer are only given to himself.

**woozigoon** : 

**acooldad** : Jihoon is a simple man.

**acooldad** : I’m surprised Josh talks to him, considering Jihoon seems to want to only date himself.

**woozigoon** : Excuse me?

**woozigoon** : Talk shit, get hit big boy. 

**1004angel** : Please keep the drama to a minimum when I’m busy

**1004angel** : I don’t wanna come back from dinner and have 10,000 unread messages full of sex jokes and Jihoon being uptight

 

**callmesoon** has named the group “ **_Jihoon roast sesh_ ** ”

 

**topgyu** : jesus.

**topgyu** : why is that whenever i open my phone now, it’s always the beginning of a roast session?

**dab8** : lol ur name is still topgyu

**dab8** : classic

**callmesoon** : I still am so SHAKEN

**callmesoon** : HOW ARE YOU A TOP

 

**_topgyu_ ** has changed their display name to  **_tallgyu_ **

 

**tallgyu** : it’s just who i am.

**tallgyu** : love me or hate me, plain and simple.

**rapgodhvc** : that was deep, man

**tallgyu** : thank you, i try.

**bagofluck** : a little too hard, at that.

**callmesoon** : That’s what she said

**callmesoon** : Okay anyway

**moonjun** : weren't you all about to roast jihoon

**moonjun** : i was lurking (✿´ ꒳ ` )

**dab8** : dont u have drugs to deal

**moonjun** : you know me so well!!

**dkdk** : wait

**callmesoon** : Jun, you deal drugs???

**dab8** : lol

**dab8** : he SAYS he does

**dab8** : he sells oregano in plastic bags to kids who think its weed

**callmesoon** : Holy shit

**booboothefool** : That’s so wrong!!!!!!!

**moonjun** : i trick people like seungkwan into believing it’s real

**booboothefool** : Okay….

**booboothefool** : I’m not THAT gullible!!!!

**tallgyu** : that’s so wrong in so many ways.

**callmesoon** : Yknow what else is wrong

**callmesoon** : The fact that you’re a top

**dkdk** : damn gyu

**dkdk** : how are you gonna sit here and take this abuse

**tallgyu** : easy

 

**_callmesoon_ ** has left the group.

 

**dkdk** : you

**dkdk** : S A V A G E

**tallgyu** : there’s a block button for a reason.

**dab8** : lol

**dab8** : mingyu and savage dont belong in the same sentence

 

**_dab8_ ** has left the group.

 

**booboothefool** : Mingyu is a snake

**dkdk** : snakegyu

**dkdk** : he’s weeding us out one by one

**moonjun** : no one is safe (O∆O)

**woozigoon** : Thank god.

**woozigoon** : Finally, some peace and quiet without Soonyoung.

 

**_dkdk_ ** has added  **_callmesoon_ ** ,  **_dab8_ ** to the group.

 

**dkdk** : hah you thought

**woozigoon** : Damn.

**woozigoon** : So close.

**gentlejosh** : Shrek 2 was a masterpiece

**dab8** : lol that was random

**callmesoon** : This is what I come back to???

**bagofluck** : shrek 2 was terrible.

**tallgyu** : okay no...

**rapgodhvc** : im on josh’s side

**tallgyu** : me too.

**tallgyu** : no offense, won.

**rapgodhvc** : shrek 2 defined a generation

**bagofluck** : nothing tops the first one.

**callmesoon** : Wonwoo stfu you nerd

**callmesoon** : No one cares about your ugly ass opinions

**bagofluck** : my opinions are beautiful, you bitch.

**dkdk** : oh shit

**dab8** : i cant picture wonwoo calling some1 a bitch

**booboothefool** : Wonwoo is scary!!!

**bagofluck** : that’s right. be afraid.

**callmesoon** : Wonwoo is about as intimidating as an empty can of febreeze

**dab8** : wtf does that even mean

**dkdk** : it means exactly what he says it means minghao

**dkdk** : open your mind

**gentlejosh** : Let’s battle

**gentlejosh** : Me and you Wonwoo

**gentlejosh** : Since apparently you dont like Shrek 2

**bagofluck** : “let’s battle.”

**bagofluck** : what is this, 3rd grade?

**dab8** : lol bring your beyblades

**bagofluck** : 

**callmesoon** : L E T  I T  R I P

**rapgodhvc** : 

**1004angel** : What the heck did I tell you guys

**1004angel** : No drama while I’m busy!!

**giantbaby** : hello just stopping by to say i hate jeonghan

**1004angel** : The

**1004angel** : What did I ever do to you people

**dkdk** : newsflash honeybun

**dkdk** : the world doesn’t revolve around you

**1004angel** : Uh the fuck it doesnt

**acooldad** : Sorry, the Sun is actually the center.

**1004angel** : Brb jumping off the roof

**callmesoon** : Seeya :-)

**booboothefool** : Why can’t we all just get along????

**woozigoon** : I hate all of you.

**woozigoon** : If Satan ever came knocking, I’d sacrifice you all in an instant.

**dab8** : even josh??

**gentlejosh** : Yeah Jihoon

**gentlejosh** : I thought you CARED

**woozigoon** : I do.

**woozigoon** : At least a little.

**callmesoon** : Are you sure you two are fuckin

**callmesoon** : I mean

**dkdk** : he means dating

**gentlejosh** : We are happily in love

**gentlejosh** : The end

**woozigoon** : Yeah, what he said.

**dkdk** : uh huh

**dkdk** : okay

**callmesoon** : Send pics together

**callmesoon** : Dick sucking is optional

**woozigoon** : 

**bagofluck** : soonyoung…

**bagofluck** : if you ever wonder why I try to avoid you in public…

**bagofluck** : it’s because of stuff like that.

**callmesoon** : S U C K  M Y  D I C K

 

 

* * *

 

 

March 6th, 2:52 P.M.

 

**giantbaby** : does anyone wanna play pokemon go with me???

**dkdk** : what a straight thing to say

**tallgyu** : didn’t pokemon go die, like, months ago?

**giantbaby** : it’s still fun!!!!!!

**booboothefool** : I can’t, me and Vernonie are going on a date~

**callmesoon** : Ooh can I come

**rapgodhvc** : uh, no

**rapgodhvc** : never

**rapgodhvc** : no thank you

**callmesoon** : Damn bitch okay then

**tallgyu** : where are you two going?

**booboothefool** : To get ice cream!!!!

**moonjun** :  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwviY3_RAV4 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwviY3_RAV4)

 

**_booboothefool_ ** has left the group.

**_rapgodhvc_ ** has left the group.

**_tallgyu_ ** has left the group.

 

**callmesoon** : LICK LICK LICK LICK

**dkdk** : I WANNA EAT YOUR DICK

 

**woozigoon** : Oh, would you look at the time…

 

**_woozigoon_ ** has left the group.

 

**moonjun** : smh people

**moonjun** : cupcakke is a goddess

 

**_moonjun_ ** has added  **_booboothefool_ ** ,  **_rapgodhvc_ ** ,  **_tallgyu_ ** ,  **_woozigoon_ ** to the group.

 

**woozigoon** : There is no escape.

**woozigoon** : Trapped in this eternal hell.

**woozigoon** : Forever.

**woozigoon** : I’m haunted 24/7 by this chat.

**1004angel** : Jihoon you sound more dramatic than me

**1004angel** : You’ve hit a new low, my friend

**woozigoon** : Well, at least I know it can’t get any worse.

**dab8** :  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3mr8VHmclA ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3mr8VHmclA)

**woozigoon** : I spoke too soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello i hope you've enjoyed reading this chapter  
> thank you all for the comments you continue to leave!!! they make me smile
> 
> (sidenote: lemme just rant for a second. i saw a tweet the other day that said something like “there are too many chat/mafia/college fics in the svt ao3 tag fuck off blah blah” okay first of all? i’m not writing stuff to please you, so i will continue to update my damn chat fic because it makes me happy and because i like making people laugh. fuck off. authors can write whatever they want and if it bothers you, shut up and find fics you like. they have filters for a reason. yeah there are a lot of college aus and mafia aus and chat fics, but who cares? each one is different. if it makes people happy to write this stuff, you can’t complain about it. the end.)


	22. like a therapy session.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> moonjun: what if he only likes me for my dick??

March 8th, 4:10 P.M. 

 

**bagofluck** : okay, I would just like it to be known that all of you juniors are now dead to me.

**callmesoon** : Spill the fuckin beans Wonwoo

**dab8** : jesus christ ur such a drama queen

**bagofluck** : listen.

**bagofluck** : mr. kang was not here today and the substitute let me take over the class, right? I assigned a simple, 400-word essay on Hamlet and suddenly I’m being bombarded by spitballs and unkind words all thanks to a certain group of IMBECILES who sit in the back row together.

**callmesoon** : Holy shit

**callmesoon** : Wonwoo you seem mad

**bagofluck** : yeah, no shit soonyoung!

**tallgyu** : wonwoo, are you okay?

**tallgyu** : i’m sorry for any trouble...i tried not to get sucked into minghao and seokmin’s game.

**bagofluck** : is someone speaking to me right now?

**bagofluck** : hmm, weird, I thought I heard something…

**callmesoon** : LMAO

**dab8** : wonwoo dont be mad at mingyu he was hardly doin anything

**booboothefool** : It’s your fault for assigning an essay!!!!!

**bagofluck** : excuse me?

**bagofuck** : do you not value YOUR EDUCATION?

**tallgyu** : wonwoo, seriously, it was all in good fun.

**bagofluck** : there’s that noise again, it sounds like someone is trying to address me? weird.

**dkdk** : listen you daft bag of bricks

**dkdk** : your significant other does not deserve to be ignored

**callmesoon** : I’m living for this

**callmesoon** : I haven’t seen Wonwoo this mad since he found out Sherlock Holmes was checked out by someone else at the library

**bagofluck** : I LOVE MYSTERY NOVELS GODDAMMIT

**dab8** : ok uh

**rapgodhvc** : this is awkward

**rapgodhvc** : i picked a bad time to open the chat didnt i

**moonjun** : same (/ω＼)

**acooldad** : Guys guys guys, can we not argue? Surely we can all talk it out.

**bagofluck** : actually we can’t, considering these juniors aren’t capable of being educated.

**tallgyu** : are you gonna be emo all night or should i just not bother trying to talk to you?

**tallgyu** : there’s no need to be a flaming dick.

**dkdk** : flaming dick…..

**dkdk** : soonyoung this gives me an idea

**dkdk** : it may or may not involve gasoline and our dongs

**callmesoon** : Okay any other time I’d be down but I’m preoccupied with this fight rn

**dab8** : lol wonwoo if ur so mad at us y dont u do something

**bagofluck** : would you like me to give you detention? because I will.

**bagofluck** : don’t test me. I will put your ass so far into detention you won’t know what’s hit you.

**dab8** : oOOooOOo

**1004angel** : 

**1004angel** : Y’all please chill

**woozigoon** : I’m so glad I’m homeschooled. :-)

**1004angel** : This middle school drama is insane lol

**callmesoon** : We’re in high school you ugly lump

**1004angel** : Now THATS a reach

**1004angel** : Whatever makes you feel better about yourself I guess ;-D

**giantbaby** : is this what i have to look forward to as an upperclassman??????

**booboothefool** : Okay we never meant to torment Wonwoo….

**booboothefool** : He brought it upon himself!!!

**acooldad** : It sounds like you guys need to sit face-to-face with each other and have a nice, open discussion.

**acooldad** : No argument is solved through violent words.

**dab8** : who said we want it solved lol

 

**_dkdk_ ** has named the group “ **_high school: civil war_ ** ”

 

**dkdk** : okay everyone pick a side in 3, 2, 1

**tallgyu** : what??

**tallgyu** : this is so dumb.

**bagofluck** : you know what else is dumb?

**bagofluck** : all of you.

**dkdk** : 

**dkdk** : we get it wonwoo

**dkdk** : you really love shakespeare

**dab8** : u’d probably stick ur dick into a copy of romeo and juliet and call it modern art

**booboothefool** : Guys I don’t think roasting him is gonna solve anything!!!

**callmesoon** : Seungkwan

**callmesoon** : Be careful or else you’re next

**booboothefool** : 

**bagofluck** : this isn’t a stupid pokemon battle.

**bagofluck** : my feelings were genuinely hurt.

**giantbaby** : hey dont diss pokemon!!!!!

**1004angel** : Chan don’t provoke him

**tallgyu** : wonwoo, we’re sorry. you don’t have to be mean about it.

 

**_bagofluck_ ** has left the group. 

 

**moonjun** : welp. bye then~

**moonjun** : i wouldn’t worry too much, wonwoo always overreacts

**1004angel** : Jeesh, and you call ME a drama queen???

**tallgyu** : now is not the time jeonghan.

**1004angel** : Now is always the time

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

March 8th, 7:03 P.M.

 

**_callmesoon_ ** has added  **_bagofluck_ ** ,  **_moonjun_ ** ,  **_woozigoon_ ** to the group.

 

**_callmesoon_ ** has named the group “ **_Senior Citizens_ ** ”

 

**callmesoon** : Listen up shitbags

**callmesoon** : Wonwoo, what’s wrong

**bagofluck** : hmm, I’m not sure what you mean.

**moonjun** : something’s obviously bothering you!!

**moonjun** : are you….y’know…

**bagofluck** : am I what??

**moonjun** : is it that TIME for you??

**callmesoon** : Yeah..are you surfing the crimson wave?

**callmesoon** : Bloody mary??

**woozigoon** : 

**woozigoon** : I swear on all that is holy…

**bagofluck** : are you guys insinuating that I’m on my man period?

**moonjun** : yes

**callmesoon** : Yes

**woozigoon** : Everyday we stray further from God’s light.

**bagofluck** : just because I’m pissy doesn’t mean anything.

**moonjun** : usually you’re not this moody though!! (っ- ‸ – ς)

**moonjun** : remember your emo phase in 7th grade? you weren’t even this bad back then! 

**bagofluck** : fine.

**bagofluck** : it’s just stress I suppose.

**callmesoon** : Y’know….

**callmesoon** : Science says that beating your meat relieves stress

**woozigoon** : Please don’t start jacking off right now, I couldn’t handle that thought.

**bagofluck** : relax jihoon, I’m not going to touch my dick right now.

**bagofluck** : anyway…

**bagofluck** : you know how mingyu’s birthday is next month, right?

**bagofluck** : it’s stressful, having to get someone you care about a gift!! it’s just pressing on my nerves I suppose.

**callmesoon** : That’s it????

**callmesoon** : That’s the reason you’re so pressed?????

**callmesoon** : LAME

**moonjun** : soonyoung!! love is not lame!!

**moonjun** : it’s beautiful and magical and pure °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

**woozigoon** : It’s also soul-crushingly terrible.

**callmesoon** : Jeeze

**callmesoon** : You guys need a bro love like me and Seokmin

**callmesoon** : It’s easy and not dramatic

**bagofluck** : yeah, no thanks, I’ll stick to having dates that don’t take place in Walmart or a random parking lot.

**callmesoon** : THOSE ARE THE MOST FUN THO

**woozigoon** : Uh huh…

**woozigoon** : Sure…

**callmesoon** : Jihoon fight me I bet your relationship with Josh is boring af

**woozigoon** : Psh, of course not.

**woozigoon** : We’re actually having passionate sex at this very moment.

**moonjun** : pics?? |･ω･｀)

**woozigoon** : In your dreams, bud.

**callmesoon** : Can we not talk about sex rn

**callmesoon** : Wonwoo

**callmesoon** : Do you have any ideas for Mingyu’s gift

**bagofluck** : hardly.

**bagofluck** : well, I would get him a book, but he hates reading.

**moonjun** : a picture book??

**moonjun** : ooh!! i know!!

**moonjun** : a cookbook!!!!

**callmesoon** : Hey look at that

**callmesoon** : Jun has a brilliant idea for once

**woozigoon** : I’ll put today in my calendar as “The Day Junhui Was Smart.”

**moonjun** : 

**bagofluck** : hey, that’s not a bad idea!

**bagofluck** : you’ve just saved my life jun.

**woozigoon** : Well that was easy.

**bagofluck** : how can I repay you?

**bagofluck** : and if you say anything related to your dick, I’m going to choke you.

**callmesoon** : Don’t say that Wonwoo, he’s probably into that

**moonjun** : hehehe (´꒳`)

**moonjun** : you can help me…

**moonjun** : i need to know how to ask somebody to be my boyfriend

**callmesoon** : ARE YOUCHEATING ON MINGHAO

**woozigoon** : Minghao is dating a Minghoe…

**moonjun** : shut up!! we haven’t even been official this entire time

**bagofluck** : how the heck am I supposed to help you?

**moonjun** : i don’t know!! it’s hard!!

**moonjun** : i may act like a sex god but i’m actually very soft~

**woozigoon** : That’s a funny joke. Ha ha ha.

**moonjun** : fuck you jihoon..

**bagofluck** : well, I’d start by telling him you have actual feelings for him??

**bagofluck** : surely he feels the same?

**moonjun** : what if he only likes me for my dick??

**callmesoon** : LOL

**bagofluck** : nonsense.

**bagofluck** : that dick of yours is connected to a wonderful guy who will treat minghao right.

**moonjun** : i guess im just nervous!!

**moonjun** : but thank you <3

**bagofluck** : of course.

**bagofluck** : this was like a therapy session.

**callmesoon** : Yeah all thanks to me

**woozigoon** : Next time, we can discuss how to make Soonyoung less of an obnoxious pest and more of a civilized human being!

**callmesoon** : Jihoon….

**callmesoon** : Have I ever mentioned I hate you

**woozigoon** : The feeling’s mutual. :-)

**callmesoon** : Offff course it is.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you've enjoyed this 96-line-centered chapter!  
> thank you for all the comments on last chapter; it's nice to know my readers got my back woo
> 
> so like....should i ever end this piece of trash fic because at this point im just ready to keep updating until the day i die....
> 
> anyway....until next time my lovely readers!! :-)


	23. apparently that’s illegal.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> acooldad: Hmm, this really does sound like a fanfiction.

March 10th, 10:46 A.M.

 

**gentlejosh** : Guys

**gentlejosh** : Happy Mario day!!

**dkdk** : excuse me?

**dkdk** : josh is this another one of your weeb moments

**dab8** : lmao

**dab8** : weeb

**gentlejosh** : No, listen… it’s March 10th

**gentlejosh** : Which means

**gentlejosh** : Mar10

**gentlejosh** : Mario!

**booboothefool** : Ohhhh I get it!!!!!!

**booboothefool** : Haha!!!!!

**giantbaby** : seungkwan that is the fakest laughter i’ve ever seen

**dkdk** : ^^^

**booboothefool** : 

**1004angel** : Joshua Joshua Joshua

**1004angel** : Why are you such a nerd??

**gentlejosh** : Why are you such an asshole

**woozigoon** : Get him, babycakes.

**dkdk** : babycakes?? who are you and what have you done with jihoon

**dab8** : lol

**dab8** : now that theyre dating jihoon is a new man

**booboothefool** : I always knew deep down that he was a kind and sweet soul!!

**woozigoon** : Seungkwan, I will rip your dick off with pliers.

**gentlejosh** : Smh guys

**gentlejosh** : Why do you always gang up on Jihoon

**woozigoon** : Literally! I’m the most normal one in here.

**dkdk** : hmmm, im gonna have to disagree

**dkdk** : i think jun is the most normal!

**dab8** : r u actually kidding me

**dab8** : jun is the opposite of normal

**dab8** : hes a hybrid of a sex-crazed maniac and a short-tempered toddler

**moonjun** : excuse me xu minghao? would you like to fight me?

**moonjun** : because i would gladly pound you into smithereens.

**moonjun** : and yes, in more ways than one ( ˘ ³˘)♥

**dkdk** : that is a mental image i did not want to see

**woozigoon** : If Jun is normal, then I’m normal on steroids.

**booboothefool** : Jihoon you do drugs???? Steroids arent good for you!!!

**giantbaby** : smh seungkwan

**giantbaby** : even IM not that gullible

**bagofluck** : good morning, cruel world.

**gentlejosh** : Don’t you mean goodbye??

**bagofluck** : no. I mean good morning. the world may be cruel but I’m still kickin’.

**woozigoon** : That...was so uplifting.

 

**_dkdk_ ** has named the group “ **_a wild positive wonwoo has appeared_ ** ”

 

**dkdk** : so wonwoo

**dkdk** : my guy

**dkdk** : are you still pissed at us or…

**bagofluck** : no, I’ve decided to move past it.

**bagofluck** : I suppose I was angry, but you guys meant no harm.

**dab8** : lit!!!

**dab8** : what happens in the classroom stays in the classroom

**tallgyu** : hello everyone.

**dkdk** : what’s up gyu??

**dkdk** : my beautiful extra long baguette

**tallgyu** : um.

**tallgyu** : okay let me start over.

**tallgyu** : hello everyone.

**gentlejosh** : Did he just call you a baguette

**dab8** : lol does that make wonwoo the butter??

**1004angel** : Can you butter a baguette?

**1004angel** : Is that a thing people do

**booboothefool** : Can we stop talking about food????? I’m hungry now :-(

**dkdk** : im hungry too my bro

**dkdk** : for love and affection

**tallgyu** : what the.

**callmesoon** : Did somebody say...love and affection??

**woozigoon** : Gotta blast!

**callmesoon** : Fuck you Jihoon you look like a damn cabbage patch kid

**dab8** : lmao

**booboothefool** : He really does…..

**rapgodhvc** : 

**rapgodhvc** : these spot the difference games are getting harder and harder…

**callmesoon** : LMAO

**woozigoon** : Why the hell do you have that picture of me?!

**rapgodhvc** : i had to stalk your facebook

**woozigoon** : Brb, erasing all traces of me on the Internet.

**dkdk** : soonyoung!!!!

**callmesoon** : Seokmin!!!

**callmesoon** : I love you bro

**callmesoon** : I missed you while I was asleep

**dkdk** : bro that’s so gay i love it

**dkdk** : did you dream of me bro?

**callmesoon** : I did my guy

**callmesoon** : Nothing compares to the real thing though <33

**dkdk** : shit im gonna cry

**dab8** : can u guys take this elsewhere

**booboothefool** : I love love :-)

**rapgodhvc** : i feel as though seokmin and soonyoung have deep conversations when no one else is around

**rapgodhvc** : either that, or it’s just them saying “bro” back and forth…

**1004angel** : I think the latter option is the right one, Hansol

**1004angel** : Soonyoung is the type to moan “bro” during sex

**callmesoon** : Excuse me bitch

**callmesoon** : How did you know that??

**woozigoon** : I hate my life.

**woozigoon** : I really do.

  
  


* * *

 

 

March 10th, 12:48 P.M.

 

**_1004angel_ ** has added  **_acooldad_ ** ,  **_gentlejosh_ ** to the group.

 

**_1004angel_ ** has named the group “ **_Jeonghan, Cheol, and the Side Hoe_ ** ”

 

**1004angel** : Hello fellow adults ;-D

**gentlejosh** : Oh, so that’s all I am to you huh

**gentlejosh** : Not a cherished friend or adversary…

**gentlejosh** : But a side hoe???

**gentlejosh** : I’m not even a hoe to begin with

**1004angel** : My lovely Joshua, it’s a term of endearment

**acooldad** : Yeah, don’t worry.

**acooldad** : He calls me his pack mule whenever we shop and he always means it with love.

**gentlejosh** : 

**gentlejosh** : Jihoon wouldn’t treat me like this

**1004angel** : Damn bitch why are you always up his ass

**1004angel** : It’s not like you guys are actually dating

**gentlejosh** : Uhhhh yes we are??

**acooldad** : Jeonghan, now is not the time to break up perfectly good relationships.

**1004angel** : Shut it Cheol

**1004angel** : I know a fake when I see one

**gentlejosh** : I have no idea what you’re referring to

**1004angel** : I know you and Jihoon aren’t actually a thing, honey

**1004angel** : It’s a scam

**1004angel** : Which is why I started this group to discuss it

**acooldad** : Then why do I need to be here?

**acooldad** : If it’s just you and Joshua talking..?

**1004angel** : Emotional support, my dear

**gentlejosh** : Jeonghan, why are you like this

**1004angel** : I just want to know the truth!!

**1004angel** : Did Jihoon pressure you into being in a relationship??

**1004angel** : Are you faking it because Jihoon is actually straight and he needed a beard??

**1004angel** : I NEED ANSWERS

**gentlejosh** : Boy I s2g if you don’t calm down I’m coming to beat your ass

**acooldad** : Oh shit.

**acooldad** : I’ve never seen feisty Josh before.

**1004angel** : Cheol relax Joshua couldn’t hurt me

**1004angel** : He’s built like a twig

**gentlejosh** : Okay okay

**gentlejosh** : It’s true, we were faking being a real thing after the initial faking of being a real thing

**gentlejosh** : But for a good reason

**1004angel** : Which is…??

**gentlejosh** : We were pranking the group chat

**gentlejosh** : We both thought it’d be funny

**1004angel** : Joshua, your priorities are severely fucked up

**gentlejosh** : Jeonghan, I’m pleading with you

**gentlejosh** : Don’t run this joke for us

**gentlejosh** : It’s the only form of enjoyment I get in this cold, cruel life

**acooldad** : Jeesh...that’s kinda sad.

**1004angel** : I promise not to say anything

**1004angel** : Because I like being the only one knowing things ;-)

**acooldad** : Hmm, this really does sound like a fanfiction.

**gentlejosh** : Seungcheol how tf do you know what a fanfiction is??

**acooldad** : Everyone knows the fake-dating trope. I’ve read a bunch of Harry Potter AUs.

**1004angel** : Excuse me

**acooldad** : Yeah! You two will fake date, realize there are some feelings that develop, and everything comes tumbling down from there!

**acooldad** : So when you and Jihoon eventually ARE real, I can say I told you so.

**1004angel** : I agree

**1004angel** : I’ve been on board this ship since it sailed

**gentlejosh** : Guys..

**gentlejosh** : I promise you, nothing is gonna happen

**1004angel** : That’s what they all say Joshy boy…

**gentlejosh** : No wonder your head is so fat

**gentlejosh** : Your skull is just too thick for its own good

**1004angel** : 

**1004angel** : Don’t make me say I told you so bitch

**acooldad** : Anyway, does anyone want to meet me at the gym later to be my spotter while I lift?

 

**_1004angel_ ** has left the group.

**_gentlejosh_ ** has left the group.

 

 

* * *

  
  


March 10th, 11:16 P.M.

 

**dkdk** : the freaks come out at niiiiight

**dab8** : seokmin stfu

**dab8** : jun is gonna hear u

**moonjun** : minghao, stop being mean to me!

**moonjun** : i do nothing but show you love and support.

**tallgyu** : minghao is quite difficult to love, though. it takes a skilled professional.

**tallgyu** : as one of his best friends, i can vouch for myself.

**dkdk** : gyu….minghao would sell you to satan for one corn chip

**dab8** : lol

**dab8** : hes right

**tallgyu** : my whole life i’ve been your friend and this is how i’m repaid...amazing.

**giantbaby** : hey guys!!!!

**giantbaby** : did i ever tell you i got a date with my crush?!?!

**booboothefool** : Hold the phone!!!!

**booboothefool** : Chan!!!! I’m so proud of you!!!!!!!

**dkdk** : woooh go channie!! i knew you had it in you

**1004angel** : I taught him everything he knows

**giantbaby** : 

**moonjun** : yay chan~

**moonjun** : now remember, the best way to a girl’s heart is punching through the ribcage!! \\(-ㅂ-)/ ♥ ♥ ♥

**giantbaby** : um……

**moonjun** : nvm apparently that’s illegal

**moonjun** : but don’t let it stop you!!

**rapgodhvc** : achieve your dreams young padawan

**rapgodhvc** : go find love

**dab8** :  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAr2rUbgPzE ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAr2rUbgPzE)

**rapgodhvc** : i have reached enlightenment

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lemme know if this chapter sucked because i feel like it did :-)  
> oh well i was giving it my best effort that's what matters
> 
> thank you for all the comments!! i love knowing if i made you laugh!!  
> and sorry this took so long idk what was wrong with me
> 
> (also, sidenote. there are now 12 days until i see/meet seventeen and im officially ready to die because my heart. cannot. handle it. im gonna hi five seungkwan and just pass tf out at his feet. that is all).


	24. going off the deep end.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1004angel: Awww isnt this sweet?
> 
> 1004angel: I remember my party days in high school

March 12th, 1:13 A.M.

 

 **callmesoon** : SPRING BREAK BITCHEZZZZZ

 **callmesoon** : FUCK YEAHHHHH

 **dkdk** : dear god

 **dkdk** : bro are you drunk

 **tallgyu** : i’m gonna go ahead and assume the answer to that is yes.

 **callmesoon** : Can I live

 **callmesoon** : You hoe bags are always riding my ass

 **dab8** : lol what ass

 **tallgyu** : minghao, have you gone blind?

 **dkdk** : right!!!

 **dkdk** : soonyoung has more of an ass than you

 **dab8** : i beg to differ

 **callmesoon** : Hold on lemme go take an ass pic for you xoxo

 **bagofluck** : hello.

 **bagofluck** : nevermind, I just read the previous messages. goodbye.

 **callmesoon** : Jeon Motherufckign Wonwoo

 **callmesoon** : I bet you would BEG to see my ass

 **bagofluck** : that is absolutely not true.

 **dkdk** : soonyoung, your ass is not for the public eye

 **tallgyu** : good.

 **dab8** : lol

 **callmesoon** : And to answer your question

 **callmesoon** : I am a little bit triceratops

 **callmesoon** : Whoops

 **callmesoon** : I mean tipsy

 **bagofluck** : how did tipsy autocorrect into triceratops?

 **acooldad** : Autocorrect is a strange and fascinating creature, Wonwoo.

 **acooldad** : Technology works in mysterious ways.

 **1004angel** : Uh huh

 **1004angel** : Sure, grandpa

 **dkdk** : oh god no one tell chan we’ve been talking about dinosaurs without him

 **tallgyu** : the poor kid is probably asleep.

 **giantbaby** : did someone say my name????

 **giantbaby** : also im not asleep, just ignoring you all

 **dkdk** : 

 **moonjun** : ooh, are we talking about soonyoung’s ass?

 **moonjun** : im here for it

 **bagofluck** : what the? no!

 **bagofluck** : no ass talk!

 **dkdk** : bros, that’s ass-olutely ridiculous

 **callmesoon** : LOL

 **callmesoon** : You all are just jealous of my ASSets

 **tallgyu** : what’s the fastest way to make myself go blind? y’know, so i don’t have to read this shit.

 **woozigoon** : I recommend pouring bleach directly into your eyes.

 **bagofluck** : ^^^ google agrees.

 **tallgyu** : good to know!

 **callmesoon** : I just wanna know why you all hate me

 **dkdk** : bro

 **dkdk** : im head over heels in love with you dude

 **moonjun** : uh huh~

 **moonjun** : listen boy~

 **moonjun** : my first love story (✿ ♥‿♥)

 **callmesoon** : GEE GEE GEE GEE BABYBABYBABY GEE GE E G EE G EGEE

 **tallgyu** : someone save him.

 **tallgyu** : he’s going off the deep end.

 **dab8** : lol take his four lokos away from him

 **callmesoon** : WOOOOOOOOOOOOH

 **1004angel** : Awww isnt this sweet?

 **1004angel** : I remember my party days in high school

 **1004angel** : Now I’m a civilized adult~

 **giantbaby** : jeonghan you literally drunk texted me last week after drinking an entire bottle of red wine “on accident”

 **dkdk** : YES CHAN

 **dkdk** : EXPOSE THAT BITCH

 **1004angel** : Listen you rusty spoons I had a rough time last week

 **giantbaby** : aww, poor you, did someone not roll out the red carpet for you as you walked past?????

 **dkdk** : OH SHIT

 **dkdk** : CHAN IS GOING IN FOR THE KILL

 **giantbaby** : heheheheh

 **1004angel** : 

 **booboothefool** : Who raised you Chan???

 **booboothefool** : Respect your elders!!!!

 **giantbaby** : oh sorry seungkwan, i didnt realize you hold any authority in here, considering you have a label across your forehead that says “flammable”

 **dkdk** : HOLY SHIT

 **dkdk** : SEUNGKWAN IS THE NEW TARGET

 **dkdk** : CHAN MOVES BACK INTO POSITION TO STRIKE

 **woozigoon** : 

 **woozigoon** : Are y’all serious right now? Right in front of my metaphorical salad?

 **woozigoon** : God, please take my life and spare me this suffering.

 **tallgyu** : ^^^

 **bagofluck** : ^^^

 **callmesoon** : There are 2 types of people

 **gentlejosh** : Whats up my dudes

 **gentlejosh** : I just found a fidget spinner I forgot I had

 **dkdk** : where was it??

 **moonjun** : don’t worry josh, i also forget i leave things in my ass~

 **gentlejosh** : The

 **gentlejosh** : What...have you left in your ass??

 **dkdk** : that is a rhetorical question junhui please do not respond

 **tallgyu** : what the hell is going on tonight?

 **tallgyu** : have you all gone insane?

 **callmesoon** : Shut the frick up you sentient tree

 **callmesoon** : Just because you’re 8 feet tall doesnt mean youre better than US

 **bagofluck** : hahaha, sentient tree. classic.

 **tallgyu** : what the heck! don’t turn on me, go back to roasting seungkwan!

 **booboothefool** : >>>>>:-(

 **booboothefool** : I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS

 **tallgyu** : 

 

 

* * *

 

 

March 12th, 2:33 A.M.

 

 **callmesoon** : Personally  I would fuckign DIE for Shinee

 **callmesoon** : I wnat Taemin to stick his DICK into my eyeball

 **callmesoon** : I lovehim so much

 **rapgodhvc** : i don’t know why we’re both awake, but this is fascinating.

 **callmesoon** : HERWHSIP ER IS THE LUCIFER

 

 

* * *

 

 

March 12th, 11:49 A.M.

 

 **_tallgyu_ ** has started a private chat with **_bagofluck_ **.

 

 **tallgyu** : [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9-p_w6V6IA ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9-p_w6V6IA)

**bagofluck** : okay you have the audacity to call me a nerd but this is just a whole new level of nerd.

 **bagofluck** : congratulations, gyu. you outdid me.

 **bagofluck** : expect your trophy in the mail in 3-5 business days.

 **tallgyu** : okay, you just out-nerded me there.

 **tallgyu** : you nerd.

 **bagofluck** : quite frankly, I am not a nerd.

 **bagofluck** : I’m just unique.

 **tallgyu** : suuuuuure. that’s one way to put it.

 **bagofluck** : would you like to debate with me?

 **bagofluck** : because I can promise you I’ll win.

 **tallgyu** : 

 **tallgyu** : anyway….

 **tallgyu** : my birthday is in less than a month….

 **bagofluck** : oh god, here we go..

 **tallgyu** : i want a hint about my gift.

 **bagofluck** : uh..

 **bagofluck** : it’s a no from me.

 **tallgyu** : WHAT.

 **tallgyu** : WHY.

 **tallgyu** : EXPLAIN YOURSELF OR I’M GONNA FIGHT YOU.

 **bagofluck** : fight me? nice try.

 **bagofluck** : you wouldn’t even hurt a fly, you dork.

 **bagofluck** : also, it’s a surprise! I don’t wanna ruin it.

 **tallgyu** : fine. i see how it is.

 **tallgyu** : you don’t love me.

 **tallgyu** : i get it.

 **bagofluck** : mingyu, shut up.

 **bagofluck** : it’ll be the greatest gift you’ve ever received EVER. trust me.

 **tallgyu** : well then it must be a dog.

 **tallgyu** : i’m expecting a dog.

 **bagofluck** : what the.

 **bagofluck** : it’s definitely not a dog.

 **tallgyu** : welp, looks like we’re DEFINITELY not dating.

 **bagofluck** : MINGYU.

 **bagofluck** : oh my god will you seriously dump me if I don’t get you a dog?

 **bagofluck** : how would I even wrap one of those?

 **tallgyu** : oh, relax, you spork. i don’t need a dog.

 **tallgyu** : just something useful.

 **bagofluck** : well you’re gonna receive the greatest gift of all time. ever.

 **bagofluck** : trust me on this.

 

 

* * *

 

 

March 12th, 12:14 P.M.

 

 **_bagofluck_ ** has added **_callmesoon_ ** , **_booboothefool_ ** to the group.

 

 **_bagofluck_ ** has named the group “ **_RMS TITANIC_ ** ”

 

 **callmesoon** : What the shit is this

 **callmesoon** : Who is the Titanic

 **bagofluck** : help. I need help.

 **bagofluck** : whoops, I accidentally added seungkwan…

 **booboothefool** : Why am I never included in things……

 **bagofluck** : soonyoung, I have named this group appropriately.

 **bagofluck** : much like the titanic, I have been hit with the iceberg that is mingyu and I am now sinking into the cold, dead ocean.

 **booboothefool** : 

 **callmesoon** : Bro

 **callmesoon** : Wonwoo

 **callmesoon** : My gorgeous goth prince

 **callmesoon** : What is wrong with you this time

 **bagofluck** : mingyu wants a dog for his birthday.

 **booboothefool** : Awwww yay!!!! I love dogs!!!!

 **booboothefool** : Are you gonna get him one???

 **booboothefool** : Or are you gonna severely disappoint him????

 **bagofluck** : seungkwan, THIS IS NOT HELPING.

 **bagofluck** : I am BUSTING AT THE SEAMS PEOPLE.

 **callmesoon** : Woah woah woah

 **callmesoon** : I thought you agreed to get him a cookbook or some shit like that

 **bagofluck** : I did! and I went out and bought a huge, 300-page cook book with pictures and everything.

 **callmesoon** : But?

 **bagofluck** : BUT

 **bagofluck** : he told me he wants a dog.

 **bagofluck** : so I now feel compelled to impulse buy a shiba inu and put a bow on it for him.

 **booboothefool** : Dang...Mingyu really has you whipped huh

 **booboothefool** : Well, I work at the pet grooming place, so maybe I can hook you up

 **booboothefool** : Wink wink ;-D

 

 **_callmesoon_ ** has named the group “ **_Illegal dog trading ring_ ** ”

 

 **bagofluck** : SOONYOUNG NO.

 **bagofluck** : at least make the group name not sound suspicious.

 **bagofluck** : the government could be reading this.

 

 **_callmesoon_ ** has named the group “ **_Not an Illegal dog trading ring_ ** ”

 

 **bagofluck** : oh my god.

 **bagofluck** : anyway…

 **booboothefool** : So you want me to smuggle out a dog for you??

 **bagofluck** : no, seungkwan, that won’t work.

 **callmesoon** : How about a taxidermy dog

 **bagofluck** : soonyoung, please exit.

 **callmesoon** : It was a simple suggestion bro

 **callmesoon** : Who knows

 **callmesoon** : Mingyu might not even notice it’s dead

 **bagofluck** : YOU PEOPLE ARE NO HELP.

 **booboothefool** : How about...a stuffed animal!?!?!?

 **booboothefool** : That would be cute!!! A stuffed dog!!!!!!

 **callmesoon** : Isnt that what I JUST suggested

 **bagofluck** : uh, no, you suggested taxidermy.

 **callmesoon** : Its still stuffed!!

 **bagofluck** : from this point on, I’m ignoring you.

 **bagofluck** : that sounds good, seungkwan.

 **bagofluck** : a little stuffed dog. genius. why didn’t I think of it sooner?

 **booboothefool** : No problem!!!! Soooo, no dog smuggling??

 **bagofluck** : no dog smuggling.

 **bagofluck** : thank you.

 **callmesoon** : Wait

 **callmesoon** : Seungkwan

 **callmesoon** : Can you smuggle me a dog?

 **booboothefool** : 

 **callmesoon** : Okay FINE THEN

 **callmesoon** : [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RUV5KSmRLk ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RUV5KSmRLk)

**callmesoon** : :’-(

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello lovely readers i hope you've enjoyed this installment of my trash-infused fic :-)
> 
> im thinking of going to weekly updates, like every sunday or something like that  
> that'd be fun
> 
> anyway, lemme know how you feel about this piece of crap i really appreciate feedback <3
> 
> until next time!!


	25. my dream journal.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rapgodhvc: it’s all good man
> 
> rapgodhvc: i’m just going with the flow

March 13th, 10:14 P.M.

 

**tallgyu** : i literally cannot sleep a wink.

**tallgyu** : i’m going insane.

**callmesoon** : First of all

**callmesoon** : Who the FUCK says “sleep a wink”

**acooldad** : Um, me?

**acooldad** : You are not alone, Mingyu.

**dab8** : lol u guys are 90 year olds at heart

**tallgyu** : which means i could easily whoop your ass at bingo.

**dab8** : touche

**booboothefool** : Mingyu why are you sleeping????

**booboothefool** : It’s spring break!!!!!!

**dab8** : the kid has a point

**tallgyu** : i value my sleep schedule.

**tallgyu** : also, wonwoo is out studying with people at the library so i got bored and decided to sleep.

**woozigoon** : Lame.

**woozigoon** : Have you tried downing an entire bottle of Tylenol?

**tallgyu** : 

**callmesoon** : Jihoon why do you want us all dead

**woozigoon** : Gee, lemme think.

**booboothefool** : Gyu you should come over!!!!

**booboothefool** : Hansol and Seokmin are here!!!

**tallgyu** : at your place?

**callmesoon** : Wtf

**callmesoon** : Seokmin told me he was at a party

**callmesoon** : That HOE

**callmesoon** : WHY ARE YOU HANGING OUT WITHOUT ME

**dkdk** : listen bro

**dkdk** : everyone knows what happens when you play smash bros

**dkdk** : it isn't pretty

**dab8** : o shit

**dab8** : thats what u guys r doing???

**booboothefool** : Yes!!

**booboothefool** : I would have invited you Soonyoung but I didnt want a controller down anyone’s throat like last time

**tallgyu** : wait…

**tallgyu** : i haven’t heard this story?

**callmesoon** : Good

**callmesoon** : It’s graphic and does not reflect who I am anymore. I’ve changed as a man

**rapgodhvc** : it’s too bad, dude

**rapgodhvc** : we got taco bell and everything

**callmesoon** : Okay then I’m glad I wasnt invited fuck you guys

**callmesoon** : Those dorito tacos burn my asshole man

**tallgyu** : i didn’t want that description.

**tallgyu** : how do i unread the past few messages?

**booboothefool** : Seokmin has downed 3 Baja Blasts and it doesn’t look like he has any plan to stop

**callmesoon** : Broooo

**callmesoon** : Slow down

**callmesoon** : You’ll get major brain freeze dude

**dkdk** : it’s worth it

**dkdk** : it’s so worth it

**dkdk** : this icy hell has consumed me

**dab8** : i think u need to reconsider ur life

**dab8** : here

**dab8** :  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJ9L-UInBmc ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJ9L-UInBmc)

**rapgodhvc** : that’s fucking deep, man

**rapgodhvc** : i took a bite of my quesadilla and i had to spit it out to take in how deep it was

**woozigoon** : 

**rapgodhvc** : it’s all good man

**rapgodhvc** : i’m just going with the flow

**rapgodhvc** : no hate

**gentlejosh** : Hey Hansol

**gentlejosh** : The 70’s called

**gentlejosh** : They want their stoner ideology back

**dab8** : bruh let him live

**dab8** : go back to giving jihoon the succ

**acooldad** : What is a succ?

**acooldad** : Is that lingo for something?

**dkdk** : ask jeonghan

**dab8** : lol

**callmesoon** : I could show you ;-)

**dkdk** : bro im RIGHT here

**callmesoon** : Just joking bro!

**callmesoon** : You know me, can’t resist a good opportunity to fuck with some succ

**1004angel** : When will you children grow UP

**1004angel** : Btw Cheol, succ means to blow

**1004angel** : As in your dick

**acooldad** : Ohhh….

**acooldad** : I thought it was short for success.

**gentlejosh** : Oh my God

**gentlejosh** : That makes no sense

**acooldad** : Sure it does!

**acooldad** : If you give me the succ, you are supporting my dreams and encouraging me to reach my goals with SUCCess!

**tallgyu** : that’s it.

**tallgyu** : i’m following jihoon’s advice.

**tallgyu** : entire bottle of tylenol, here i come.

 

 

* * *

 

 

March 14th, 1:07 A.M.

 

**moonjun** :  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLthw2YWb4s ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLthw2YWb4s)

**dkdk** : Y

**dkdk** : A

**dkdk** : L

**dkdk** : I

**dkdk** : K

**dkdk** : E

**dkdk** : J

**dkdk** : A

**dkdk** : Z

**dkdk** : Z

**dkdk** : ?

**dab8** : omg u guys

**dab8** : u just woke me up from a dream

**moonjun** : was it of me

**moonjun** : i bet it was of me (°◡°♡).:｡

**dab8** : no omg

**dab8** : i think it had gyu in it

**dab8** : im so disturbed

**dkdk** : 

**dkdk** : is this… DRAMA in the junhao world?

**moonjun** : what is a junhao

**dkdk** : bro

**dkdk** : it’s called a ship name??

**dkdk** : all the gays have one

**moonjun** : fair enough!

**dab8** : omg

**dab8** : i feel so wrong

**dkdk** : what happened???

**dkdk** : WAS IT A WET DREAM

**dkdk** : bro yOU HAD A SEX DREAM ABOUT MINGYU

**dkdk** : KIM FUCKING MINGYU

**dab8** : bro!!!!!! stfu!!!!!!

**dab8** : ur gonna wake everyone up!!!!!

**moonjun** : i feel….betrayed?

**moonjun** : but also intrigued?

**moonjun** : what was happening?

**dab8** : tf

**dab8** : im not telling u guys wtf

**dab8** : im writing this in my dream journal and then never speaking of it again

**giantbaby** : hello!!! it’s late, why is everyone up???

**dkdk** : chan.

**dkdk** : you are too young for this

**dkdk** : go ask your dad about the birds and the bees and then you can be present here

**giantbaby** : choke, seokmin.

**giantbaby** : i know what sex is!!!!!

**dkdk** : TOO BAD BITCH

 

**_giantbaby_ ** has left the group.

 

**dab8** : omg did u block him

**dkdk** : it was for the greater good

**bagofluck** : did I hear wet dream? about mingyu? the boy I am currently dating?

**dab8** : fuck

**dab8** : wonwoo

**dab8** : i swear on my timbs it wasnt serious

**dab8** : it was just a blowjob in the bathroom stall

**moonjun** : MINGHAO

**moonjun** : that’s our thing!!

**dab8** : i know!!!!! i dont know what came over me!!!!

**dkdk** : i know.

**dkdk** : your subconscious wants to get it on with mingyu

**dab8** : 

**bagofluck** : um, I thought we were friends minghao?

**bagofluck** : what the hell?

**dab8** : wonwoo pls

**dab8** : I SWEAR

**moonjun** : minghao, wonwoo could rip you apart.

**moonjun** : you better control yourself in your dreams 

**bagofluck** : this is unusual, but jun is right.

**moonjun** : 

**dkdk** : minghao and mingyu sittin in a tree…

**dkdk** : f-u-c-k-i-n-g

**dab8** : im going to throw u into the ocean seokmin

**dab8** : tree sex is not even possible

**moonjun** : oh no, it is

**moonjun** : trust me

**dab8** : …..

**bagofluck** : anyway…

**bagofluck** : watch your mcfricken back, minghao.

**bagofluck** : I’ve got my eye on you.

**dab8** : great

**dab8** : time to kill myself

**woozigoon** : Wait.

**woozigoon** : Don’t.

**woozigoon** : Let me make popcorn first.

 

**_dkdk_ ** has added **_giantbaby_ ** to the group.

 

**dkdk** : the sexual talk is over, chan

**giantbaby** : thank god.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello. it's been quite some time, huh....
> 
> so, i started college. that happened. i abandoned this, my life's work, the epitome of shitposting, for a MONTH. i'm so sorry. BUT HELLO I AM BACK AND MORE TERRIBLE THAN EVER.
> 
> so, in the past month i have moved to a different place, started school, met seventeen, and yeah. that stuff has been interesting. that's life. :-)
> 
> i hope you enjoy this chapter. i promise not to leave for a month again. happy reading <3


	26. the smell of sugar cookies.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dkdk: LMAO
> 
> dkdk: jun, the child is right
> 
> giantbaby: :-)

March 17th, 3:02 A.M.

 

 **callmesoon** : Y’all Im DECEASED

 **callmesoon** : It’s 3 in the goddamn morning and I’m watching conspiracy theory videos

 **rapgodhvc** : relatable 10/10

 **rapgodhvc** : the government is out to get us, soonyoung

 **dab8** : do yall ever fuckin SLEEP

 **callmesoon** : Sleep is for the weak nutmuncher

 **dab8** : 

 **rapgodhvc** : y’all ever think about how all love is an illusion

 **callmesoon** : Woah woah woah

 **callmesoon** : My love for you is no illusion

 **rapgodhvc** : 

 **callmesoon** : Don’t tell Seokmin

 **dkdk** : too late bitch

 **dkdk** : i’m awake too

 **callmesoon** : Bro

 **callmesoon** : <3

 **dkdk** : you disgust me

 **dab8** : my eyes rolled so far back into my skull

 **rapgodhvc** : you should see a doctor about that..

 

 

* * *

 

 

March 17th, 2:41 P.M.

 

 **tallgyu** : guys…

 **tallgyu** : me and wonwoo just saw jihoon and joshua out in public.

 **tallgyu** : we’re at the mall and we watched them walk into bath and body works.

 **moonjun** : a couple that sniffs candles together stays together (*ˊૢᵕˋૢ*)

 **bagofluck** : they did not appear to be acting couple-y.

 **bagofluck** : no hand-holding, no adoration.

 **bagofluck** : jihoon looked like he wanted to kill joshua...I was pretty sure they were arguing.

 **callmesoon** : SHIT

 **callmesoon** : WONWOO SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH

 **bagofluck** : ?!?!

 **callmesoon** : DONT BREAK UP A PERFECTLY GOOD RELATIONSHIP

 **callmesoon** : DONT JUDGE THEM

 **dkdk** : yeah wonwoo

 **dkdk** : not all of us can be a perfect pair

 **dkdk** : just look at you and the long bread loaf

 **tallgyu** : excuse me?

 **callmesoon** : Yeah smh

 **callmesoon** : You’re both tall, hot as fuck, and educated

 **callmesoon** : Well...Gyu not so much…

 **tallgyu** : 

 **booboothefool** : Y’know….

 **booboothefool** : I’m siding with Soonyoung here!!!!!

 **callmesoon** : Seungkwan, an intellectual,

 **booboothefool** : Joshua and Jihoon are polar opposites, sure, but love is love

 **dkdk** : ^^^

 **moonjun** : seungkwan, a gay icon,

 **booboothefool** : No really!!!!

 **booboothefool** : Take me and Vernonie for example~

 **booboothefool** : I am a ray of sunshine with an ass that won’t quit

 **booboothefool** : I’m optimistic and lovely

 **booboothefool** : Whereas Hansol was probably the grim reaper in a past life

 **rapgodhvc** : im not even gonna argue because he’s probably right

 **tallgyu** : okay, welp, me and wonwoo came up with a theory.

 **bagofluck** : we’re almost certain their whole relationship is a publicity stunt.

 **moonjun** : …

 **dkdk** : …

 **callmesoon** : …

 **booboothefool** : …

 **1004angel** : Oh look at that, I’m here just in time to see someone spill the tea

 **1004angel** : Excellent ;-)

 **moonjun** : i knew it was staged from the beginning (´꒳`∗)

 **dkdk** : no you didnt you bitch

 **dkdk** : you were the one who encouraged them to blow each other in the back seat of a car

 **bagofluck** : okay, but think about. they only started this whole thing after the majority of us got paired up. maybe they continued the joke to fool us?

 **tallgyu** : yeah, and whenever they’re together, they don’t act any different.

 **tallgyu** : if anything, they act like they don’t like each other at all.

 **tallgyu** : the fake boyfriend stunt never turned into anything real.

 **tallgyu** : BAM.

 **callmesoon** : Top 10 conspiracy theories: Joshua and Jihoon are both single as fuck and played us all

 **rapgodhvc** : i could see it actually

 **bagofluck** : *x-files theme song plays in the distance*

 **tallgyu** : stay tuned…

 **1004angel** : 

 

 

* * *

 

 

March 17th, 10:19 P.M.

 

 **_woozigoon_ ** has started a private chat with **_gentlejosh_ **.

 

 **woozigoon** : So, uh, my grandma likes the candles you picked out.

 **gentlejosh** : See?? I told you old ladies love the smell of sugar cookies

 **gentlejosh** : And you had the nerve to argue with me smh

 **woozigoon** : Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I had to think in the mindset of a 70-year-old widow.

 **gentlejosh** : You saw all the shit in the chat right

 **gentlejosh** : I laughed so hard

 **gentlejosh** : Theyre really obsessed with this

 **woozigoon** : I mean, I don’t blame them.

 **woozigoon** : We agreed to amp this up.

 **woozigoon** : We need to act like we actually want to be together for this elaborate scheme to pay off.

 **gentlejosh** : Tbh I’m close to giving up

 **gentlejosh** : I’ve learned a lot

 **woozigoon** : What?

 **woozigoon** : You want to stop?

 **gentlejosh** : Kinda

 **gentlejosh** : You dont???

 **woozigoon** : Oh...well…

 **woozigoon** : It’s kind of fun to me.

 **woozigoon** : I think.

 **gentlejosh** : 

 **gentlejosh** : AWESOME

 **gentlejosh** : Dude I didnt think you were that into it

 **gentlejosh** : Your dedication is inspiring

 **woozigoon** : So as of now, we turn the dial all the way to 100, yeah?

 **gentlejosh** : Yes dearest

 **woozigoon** : Okay, it’ll take me a while to not throw up everytime you call me that.

 **gentlejosh** : Whatever it takes honey ;-D

 **woozigoon** : Gotta go, bye.

 

 

* * *

 

 

March 19th, 9:18 P.M.

 

 **1004angel** : If y’all ever want to blackmail Seungcheol, I’ll have all of you know….

 **1004angel** : He sucks his thumb when he sleeps

 **dab8** : omg

 **dab8** : cute

 **acooldad** : I trusted you, Jeonghan.

 **1004angel** : He ALSO has to take 10 minutes to put jeans on

 **1004angel** : He has them specially tailored for his ass

 **dkdk** : 

 **callmesoon** : Whatcha gonna do bout all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk

 **dkdk** : who’s ass is fatter, cheol’s or seungkwan’s?

 **moonjun** : i vote for myself, actually ⚈ ̫ ⚈

 **giantbaby** : jun, don’t you think you’re a little too flat for this category?

 **dkdk** : LMAO

 **dkdk** : jun, the child is right

 **giantbaby** : :-)

 **giantbaby** : i call it like i see it

 **moonjun** : FUCK OFF

 **moonjun** : i have an ass!

 **moonjun** : take it back you butt o(╥﹏╥)o

 **dab8** : jun

 **dab8** : theyre right

 **moonjun** : 

 **rapgodhvc** : im biased but i have to say seungkwan (or he’ll kill me)

 **booboothefool** : Good boy :-)

 **callmesoon** : Its a hard call

 **callmesoon** : Seungkwan has a fatter ass but Seuncheol’s thighs are rock hard

 **acooldad** : Why have you studied my thighs?

 **callmesoon** : Bro

 **callmesoon** : God himself carved those puppies

 **dkdk** : agreed

 **dab8** : god must have slipped when making jun

 **dab8** : he cut way too much off

 **moonjun** : fuck off hao

 **moonjun** : at least my dick is big

 **dab8** : tru

 **1004angel** : 

 **giantbaby** : please don’t start a dick size contest

 **giantbaby** : i can’t handle that stress

 **callmesoon** : We all know who would win ;-)

 **acooldad** : Yeah. Me.

 **dkdk** : SHIT

 **dkdk** : CHEOL COMING FOR ALL OF US

 **1004angel** : He’s right

 **dab8** : i have to leave immediately

 **moonjun** : i’m an easy second place

 **moonjun** : first is the worst, second is the best !(•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑

 **callmesoon** : Nah bro

 **callmesoon** : Not when it comes to dicks

 **callmesoon** : This is the Dong Hunger Games

 **dab8** : …

 **dkdk** : only the best dick wins

 **dkdk** : may the dongs be ever in your favor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao i haven't touched this fic in like 3 months oops.  
> so here's an update :-) pls don't hate me :-))))
> 
> finals are approaching so maybe i'll come back atcha with some more shitty content eventually!
> 
> let me know if you're still with me. i'd appreciate it.
> 
> (also: i've started writing a wonhui fic and i really like the concept i'm working with..would anyone actually be interested in it or should i just give it up...it's christmas themed...if that helps...)


	27. the forbidden fruit.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> woozigoon: Why on Earth would I do that to myself?
> 
> woozigoon: Is that what the kids are doing these days?

March 23rd, 6:03 P.M.

 

**giantbaby** : does anyone want to help me with my math homework

**giantbaby** : i hate geometry

**giantbaby** : why do i need to care about triangles

**rapgodhvc** : chan

**rapgodhvc** : my dear chanathan

**rapgodhvc** : the illuminati, dude

**giantbaby** : ???????

**giantbaby** : what does the illuminati have to do with measuring angles of isosceles triangles?!

**callmesoon** : Don’t listen to him Channie

**callmesoon** : Hansol is spilling his political agendas

**rapgodhvc** : it isn’t an agenda

**rapgodhvc** : it’s a way of thinking

**rapgodhvc** : triangles=illuminati

**rapgodhvc** : they’re always watching….

**booboothefool** : 

**booboothefool** : Hansol…. you’re great and all….but why are you the way that you are?????

**rapgodhvc** : let me live in my truth, seungkwan

**dab8** : lol chan i can help u with geometry

**giantbaby** : are you sure minghao???

**dab8** : yes of course

**dab8** : some may say im a bit of a genius

**tallgyu** : who says that?

**tallgyu** : the citizens of opposite world?

**callmesoon** : Mingyu. Please improve your roasts

**callmesoon** : They’re a little lukewarm

**dab8** : haha fuck u gyu

**tallgyu** : i’m just sayin’.

**dab8** : so ur calling me dumb

**dab8** : is it because im blonde

**dab8** : r u making dumb blonde jokes

**dab8** : OUCH my feelings

**dab8** : also here chan

**dab8** : <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sa8-Lrc1lUc>

**giantbaby** : welp guess i’ll just suffer by myself

**tallgyu** : i’m not calling you dumb, minghao, but i’m not calling you smart either.

**dab8** : where is wonwoo

**bagofluck** : hello, I’m just observing this pettiness unfold.

**dab8** : ok well

**dab8** : tell ur boyfriend if he’s got beef then im a vegetarian and im not fucking scared of him

**callmesoon** : 

**callmesoon** : HAO IS COMING FOR GYU’S ASS!!

**callmesoon** : I’M HERE FOR IT

**booboothefool** : You guys are always so mean!!!!!

**booboothefool** : Poor Chan has to live with this abuse

**booboothefool** : The poor boy is just trying to learn about triangles

**rapgodhvc** : are we talking about triangles again

**dab8** : hansol fuck off with ur conspiracy theories

**dab8** : trump is a lizard man and the government is run by aliens

**dab8** : #guccigang

**giantbaby** : i hope i grow up to be as cool as minghao

**tallgyu** : no, you really don’t.

**dab8** : hey mingyu

**tallgyu** : yes?

**dab8** : 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

March 23rd, 11:42 P.M.

 

**dkdk** : hey soonyoung

**callmesoon** : Hey bagel

**callmesoon** : ***BABE

**callmesoon** : Not bagel

**callmesoon** : Although you are tasty

 

**_dkdk_ ** has named the group  **_‘Bagel Bois’_ **

 

**moonjun** : i love how bagels have holes

**moonjun** : ヾ(｡ꏿ﹏ꏿ)ﾉﾞ

**dkdk** : jun….

**dkdk** : what the FUCK is wrong with you

**dab8** : lol i told y’all

**dab8** : jun is a crazy ass motherfucker

**moonjun** : am i not allowed to appreciate a bagel’s anatomy

**acooldad** : Personally, I prefer donuts.

**callmesoon** : Oh hey gramps

**callmesoon** : It’s way past your bedtime

**acooldad** : It’s only 11 at night, Soonyoung.

**acooldad** : I am a fully functioning adult.

**1004angel** : He says “fully functioning” but I witnessed him have a breakdown when his peanut butter cups got stuck in the vending machine earlier

**callmesoon** : LOL

**gentlejosh** : Yknow I sympathize with Seungcheol

**gentlejosh** : Reeses are like crack

**acooldad** : I know!

**acooldad** : All I wanted was a pick-me-up but instead, all I got was disappointment.

**woozigoon** : Huh. Funny you say that, because that’s exactly what I think every time I open this chat on my phone.

**callmesoon** : 

**gentlejosh** : You guys don’t give Jihoon enough credit

**acooldad** : Enough credit for what? Hating us?

**woozigoon** : I don’t hate all of you.

**woozigoon** : Definitely 12 of you, including myself.

**1004angel** : How can you hate yourself

**1004angel** : You’re a genius dating an actual prince

**gentlejosh** : Hey thats me!!

**1004angel** : Yeah, don’t push it bud

**woozigoon** : I feel like you guys don’t find me funny.

**callmesoon** : Woah woah woah

**callmesoon** : That’s how I feel all the time

**dab8** : lol

**dab8** : cant relate

**dab8** : im a comedy genius

**moonjun** : ^^^ agreed

**1004angel** : Okay but the difference is that Jihoon is actually funny, Soonyoung

**woozigoon** : 

**callmesoon** : Why do you guys like Jihoon more than me

**callmesoon** : Is it because he’s cuter

**woozigoon** : I’m not cute.

**gentlejosh** : Yeah you are Jihoon

**gentlejosh** : Stop denying it

**moonjun** : couple goals 

**moonjun** : minghao, why do you never call me cute (๑◕︵◕๑)

**dab8** : because u arent

**acooldad** : Damn.

**acooldad** : I think you’re all very cute.

**1004angel** : But I’m the cutest right

**acooldad** : Whatever helps you sleep at night, Jeonghan.

**1004angel** : 

**woozigoon** : Okay, now that all our feelings are out in the open…

**woozigoon** : Am I actually interesting?

**dkdk** : what’d i miss

**dkdk** : oh hey jihoon

**dkdk** : have you ever tried to eat a tide pod

**callmesoon** : The forbidden fruit

**woozigoon** : Why on Earth would I do that to myself?

**woozigoon** : Is that what the kids are doing these days?

**dab8** : dank

**dab8** : the real forbidden fruit is jun’s ass

**dab8** : its elusive

**moonjun** : haven’t we already had the ass debate

**woozigoon** : Why are you guys always talking about who had the best ass? Why not the best personality? Or maybe the best grades?

**woozigoon** : I think we should all stop being so shallow.

**woozigoon** : Life is short, and that means we should appreciate each other for things that aren’t as skin-deep.

**1004angel** : ….

**acooldad** : ….

**dab8** : ….

**woozigoon** : Hah, just kidding, we’re all pieces of shit.

**woozigoon** : And by the way, you guys obviously haven’t seen my ass.

**dkdk** : are you...claiming to have the best ass

**woozigoon** : Yes.

**gentlejosh** : 

**gentlejosh** : This is why Jihoon is my favorite

**acooldad** : Don’t you guys have school tomorrow?

**dkdk** : unfortunately

**dkdk** : mingyu is gonna kill me

**dkdk** : i was supposed to finish my part of our literature group project and i haven’t even started

**woozigoon** : I’m so glad I’m homeschooled.

**callmesoon** : We miss you bro

**callmesoon** : The hallways wouldn’t be so dull with you in them

**woozigoon** : Shut up, you assclown.

**callmesoon** : 

**acooldad** : I don’t understand high schoolers.

**acooldad** : Also, has anyone determined if Tide Pods actually taste okay?

**woozigoon** : Not yet, but you should definitely tell us if they do.

**woozigoon** : I heard putting salt on them and then eating them enhances the flavor.

**acooldad** : Thanks for the tip! I’ll go try it.

**1004angel** : Cheol

**1004angel** : Cheol, no

**1004angel** : SEUNGCHEOL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO EVERYONE hope you haven't missed this ha ha ha oops.....  
> i'm back. with everyone's favorite chat fic. because who doesn't love seeing nothing but chat fics in the svt tag?
> 
> anyway, thanks for all the comments in the past month without any update, but i can guarantee you all that i'll try my absolute hardest to update more regularly!!
> 
> thank you all for enjoying whatever it is this fic is turning into. i appreciate it. <3


	28. war strategies.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> woozigoon: Is it really that big of a deal?
> 
> dab8: yes it is jihoon
> 
> dab8: if mingyu wants to wage war, we’ll wage it right back

March 25th, 5:03 P.M.

 

**tallgyu** : you guys, i have a very important question.

**tallgyu** : this could make or break my relationship with all of you.

**dab8** : woah there gyu

**dab8** : who said me and u have any sort of relationship

**tallgyu** : minghao, you’re one of my best friends?

**callmesoon** : Aww how sweet

**dab8** : lol sure…..sure….

**tallgyu** : okay ANYWAY,

**tallgyu** : pineapple on pizza: yes or no?

**callmesoon** : God yes

**dab8** : god no

**callmesoon** : ….

**dkdk** : its a no from me

**booboothefool** : Yes!!!!!!

**giantbaby** : eh, no

**rapgodhvc** : solid yes

**1004angel** : Ew, solid no

**gentlejosh** : I agree, no

**acooldad** : Yes! It’s delicious!

**bagofluck** : hmm, yes.

**moonjun** : nope. never ~(>_<~)

**tallgyu** : i’m on the yes side. who hasn’t answered?

**callmesoon** : JIHOONATHAN

**callmesoon** : MR LEE JIHOON, WHERE ARE YOU

**dkdk** : oh lord, hes the tiebreaker isnt he

**gentlejosh** : If he answers with yes, I’m gonna have to drop him

**tallgyu** : like i said, this could make or break friendships.

**tallgyu** : jihoon, come out come out wherever you are!

**woozigoon** : Hey, guys.

**woozigoon** : What’s up?

**callmesoon** : JIHOON THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS

**woozigoon** : False. Nothing is ever serious when you’re involved.

**dkdk** : HAHAHA

**callmesoon** : 

**callmesoon** : Jihoon…..please….

**callmesoon** : Our whole group dynamic hangs on a thread

**tallgyu** : he’s right. 

**tallgyu** : so, jihoon, do you like pineapple on pizza?

**woozigoon** : Uh, no.

**woozigoon** : Whoever eats that isn’t sane. That’s so unnatural.

**woozigoon** : The bible said Adam and Eve, not pineapple on cheese.

**callmesoon** : ……..

**callmesoon** : 

**tallgyu** : well, i guess it’s settled then.

 

**_woozigoon_ ** has left the group.

**_dab8_ ** has left the group.

**_dkdk_ ** has left the group.

**_giantbaby_ ** has left the group.

**_1004angel_ ** has left the group.

**_gentlejosh_ ** has left the group.

**_moonjun_ ** has left the group.

 

**tallgyu** : ah, there we go.

**callmesoon** : Did you really...just block all the no’s out of the group

**tallgyu** : yes. 

**tallgyu** : i told you it was a dealbreaker.

**bagofluck** : mingyu, that’s totally not ethical. I think you should add them back.

**bagofluck** : but then again, our taste is obviously far superior. so nevermind.

**booboothefool** : Oh my god!!!!

**booboothefool** : Mingyu I never knew you had it in you

**tallgyu** : look, i may be a lot of things.

**tallgyu** : tall, smart, handsome, 

**callmesoon** : Boy if you don’t shut the fuck up

**tallgyu** : ANYWAY

**tallgyu** : i may be all those things, but a pushover is not one of them.

 

**_tallgyu_ ** has named the group “ **_Pineapple 4 Lyfe_ ** ”

 

**rapgodhvc** : im glad im in the company of intellectuals

**acooldad** : Mingyu, Jeonghan and I are in the same room right now, and he’s calling you a bunch of profane words that I won’t repeat.

**tallgyu** : hah, good.

**tallgyu** : tell him to get some taste buds that actually work.

**callmesoon** : Mingyu, your roasts are slowly improving

**callmesoon** : They’ve gone from lukewarm to slightly steamy

 

**_rapgodhvc_ ** has named the group “ **_steamy bois_ ** ”

 

**acooldad** : You guys are so funny.

**acooldad** : I bet they’re gonna make their own chat, though.

**acooldad** : Just to uh, what are the kids calling it, roast us?

**tallgyu** : let them.

**tallgyu** : this is war.

**booboothefool** : 

 

 

* * *

  
  


 

March 25th, 5:29 P.M.

 

**_dab8_ ** has added **_dkdk, woozigoon, giantbaby, 1004angel, gentlejosh, moonjun_ ** to the group.

 

**_dab8_ ** has named the group “ **_fuck u kim mingyu i hope u choke on spongebob’s house_ ** ”

 

**dab8** : ok so now we know who the fakes r

**dkdk** : dude…

**dkdk** : i love you

**dkdk** : minghao saved the day

**woozigoon** : Is it really that big of a deal?

**dab8** : yes it is jihoon

**dab8** : if mingyu wants to wage war, we’ll wage it right back

**moonjun** : yes!! (╯✧∇✧)╯

**woozigoon** : Okay, first rule of the new chat: Jun, stop using those weird ass emojis.

**1004angel** : ^^^ I second that

**gentlejosh** : ^^^ Third it

**giantbaby** : you guys are heartless!!!!

**giantbaby** : jun, i like the emojis

**moonjun** : i love you chan ( ˘ ³˘)♥

**dab8** : u guys r disgusting

**dab8** : this chat is to discuss war strategies

**dkdk** : bro

**dkdk** : soonyoung is in the other chat

**dkdk** : we can’t do anything to make him mad

**woozigoon** : Why not?

**woozigoon** : Soonyoung is a pest.

**dkdk** : excuse me?

**dkdk** : no one insults soonyoung except for me, jihoon

**dkdk** : NO ONE

**1004angel** : 

**gentlejosh** : High school drama is wild, man

**1004angel** : Hahahahah I’m having Seungcheol tell me what’s going on in the other chat

**dkdk** : ooh, an inside source

**dkdk** : can you tell him to tell soonyoung i say hi

**dab8** : seokmin

**dab8** : r u a traitor?

**dab8** : should i kick u out to fend for yourself?

**dkdk** : listen, minghoe

**moonjun** : hahaha minghoe

**dkdk** : you can hate mingyu all you want, but i dont have it in my heart to hate soonyoung

**dkdk** : bros are bros for life, man

**dkdk** : pineapple on pizza wont change that

**woozigoon** : Minghao, just admit you want to suck Mingyu’s dick and go.

**1004angel** : SO THE TRUTH COMES OUT

**moonjun** : is that true???

**moonjun** : minghao???

**moonjun** : do you...really want to do that?? ―(T_T)→

**dab8** : oh my god

**dab8** : no u idiots

**dab8** : mingyu is my friend

**dab8** : i dont wanna suck his needle dick

**gentlejosh** : Needle dick

**gentlejosh** : That’s definitely new

**dkdk** : i mean…

**dkdk** : ive seen it and uh...i can vouch for him

**woozigoon** : Okay, like Minghao said, this is a chat for war strategies, not for talking about Mingyu’s nether regions.

**dab8** : thank u jihoon

**dkdk** : okay so

**dkdk** : how are we planning to sabotage them

**woozigoon** : You guys better make up your minds before I get bored.

**woozigoon** : Oops, time’s up. I’m bored.

**gentlejosh** : It’s been like, 5 seconds

**woozigoon** : Joshua, you know me.

**woozigoon** : My attention span is apparently as short as Mingyu’s dick.

**dab8** : 

 

 

* * *

 

 

March 25th, 5:58 P.M.

 

**_dkdk_ ** has started a private chat with  **_callmesoon_ ** .

 

**dkdk** : bro

**dkdk** : i miss you already

**callmesoon** : Oh my god

**callmesoon** : Seokmin

**callmesoon** : How could you desert me like that

**callmesoon** : What kind of HEATHEN doesn’t like pineapple pizza???

**dkdk** : dude

**dkdk** : you know me

**dkdk** : i keep my food groups separate

**dkdk** : but anyway, we all got added to a new chat

**callmesoon** : Really???

**dkdk** : yeah

**dkdk** : im fairly certain minghao is gonna throw hands the next time he sees mingyu

**callmesoon** : HAHAHA

**callmesoon** : They’re best friends 

**callmesoon** : Which makes it funnier

**dkdk** : yeah i dont really get it

**dkdk** : mingyu is always pushing his buttons

**dkdk** : like, the other day in lit class, seungkwan made a comment about how long minghao’s hair is getting

**dkdk** : and mingyu…

**dkdk** : mingyu called him billy ray haorus

**dkdk** : because he thinks hes growing a mullet

**callmesoon** : OHM Y FUCKIGN GOD

**callmesoon** : A fuki fkjdgdgn mullet

**callmesoon** : I  cannot breathe

**dkdk** : minghao wanted to strangle him

**dkdk** : and then they started throwing pencils at each other

**callmesoon** : Friendship goals

**callmesoon** : Shit, if Wonwoo weren’t dating him I bet Minghao would

**callmesoon** : Considering how him and Jun arent technically a thing

**dkdk** : yeah that whole situation confuses me

**dkdk** : what even is jun

**dkdk** : im beginning to think hes an alien

**callmesoon** : Well….you’re probably right dude

**callmesoon** : I feel so scandalous

**callmesoon** : 

**dkdk** : the rules are being broken

**dkdk** : two star-crossed lovers meet in a private chat

**dkdk** : outside of the feud over pineapple pizza

**callmesoon** : We’re 

**callmesoon** : Bromeo and Dudeliet

**dkdk** : ...bro

**dkdk** : did you just

**callmesoon** : I did

**callmesoon** : I did just

**callmesoon** : You have my permission to slap the fuck out of me for making terrible puns

**dkdk** : one soonyoung slap coupon

**dkdk** : wow

**dkdk** : im rich

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, the age-old debate of pineapple pizza. are you guys for it or against it?  
> personally, pineapple pizza is my favorite. i'm #teamsteamybois
> 
> let me know what you wanna see more of! less of! none of! i enjoy reading/responding to comments more than anything.
> 
> until next time! :-)


	29. none of your business.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rapgodhvc: hey guys i hate to break it to you but
> 
> rapgodhvc: i have news

March 28th, 3:32 P.M.

 

 **_tallgyu_ ** had added **_dab8, dkdk, woozigoon, giantbaby, 1004angel, gentlejosh, moonjun_ ** to the group.

 

 **_tallgyu_ ** has named the group “ **_i forgive all of you_ ** ”

 

 **dab8** : dude wtf

 **dab8** : i thought this was war

 **tallgyu** : yeah, well, the group was pretty boring without half of you in it.

 **bagofluck** : we’ve decided to collectively settle our differences.

 **callmesoon** : Oh thank god

 **callmesoon** : Me and Seokmin were just dming by ourselves because you all are fuckin losers

 **woozigoon** : Excuse me?

 **woozigoon** : I may be a loser, but not to the extent that you are.

 **booboothefool** : Yay!!!!!

 **booboothefool** : We’re all together again!!!!

 

 **_dkdk_ ** has named the group “ **_family reunion uwu_ ** ”

 

 **tallgyu** : are we family?

 **tallgyu** : also, what is an uwu?

 **dab8** : lol

 **dab8** : jun can answer that

 **moonjun** : an uwu is…

 **moonjun** : well….

 **moonjun** : ≧ ω ≦

 **moonjun** : thats uwu

 **tallgyu** : oh, wait, that’s kinda cute.

 **acooldad** : I don’t understand.

 **acooldad** : How is a text cute?

 **moonjun** : it just is!!

 **moonjun** : it’s hard to explain

 **moonjun** : you have to be cute to understand cute

 **acooldad** : Are you saying I’m not cute?

 **gentlejosh** : Uhhhhh

 **gentlejosh** : You arent

 **gentlejosh** : Cased closed

 **dab8** : lol josh do u think jihoon is cute

 **booboothefool** : I do!!!!!! He is!!!!

 **woozigoon** : 

 **callmesoon** : THIS IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT, GO HOME

 **dkdk** : woah, youre gay?

 **dkdk** : i thought you were korean

 **callmesoon** : ….

 **dab8** : lmao

 **dab8** : dumbass

 **1004angel** : I have something to admit..

 **gentlejosh** : You’re pregnant

 **gentlejosh** : You’re homeless

 **gentlejosh** : You’re failing Psychology

 **gentlejosh** : You just met Baekhyun from Exo

 **1004angel** : Joshua shut the fuck up and let me SPEAK

 **1004angel** : So I tried pineapple pizza today and...I actually liked it

 **tallgyu** : character development.

 **tallgyu** : amazing. welcome to the club, jeonghan.

 **dab8** : u traitor

 **dab8** : this is why we cant have nice things

 **tallgyu** : sucks to suck, minghao!

 **gentlejosh** : God, Jeonghan you’ve reached the height of stupidity

 **1004angel** : Uh no I have not

 **1004angel** : The height of stupidity is…

 **1004angel** : Wait, Josh, how tall are you??

 **woozigoon** : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

 **woozigoon** : That’s funny.

 **dkdk** : jihoon what the hell

 **giantbaby** : i don’t think i’ve ever seen jihoon laugh that much

 **woozigoon** : I lol’d IRL.

 **callmesoon** : FFJDDFJK

 **callmesoon** : Who taught Jihoon text lingo from the 2000’s

 **woozigoon** : Fuck off, dickmuncher.

 **dkdk** : damn right he is

 **rapgodhvc** : 

 **booboothefool** : Hansol what the heck

 **booboothefool** : You never participate!!!!

 **rapgodhvc** : i’m always here….

 **rapgodhvc** : always lurking….

 **tallgyu** : okay anyway.

 **tallgyu** : now that we’re all friends again…

 **dab8** : wait

 **dab8** : u keep saying friends

 **dab8** : we r not friends, mingyu

 **bagofluck** : you guys are best friends, I thought?

 **dkdk** : ehhhh

 **dkdk** : sometimes even i question it

 **dkdk** : and im both of their best friends

 **tallgyu** : sure, we may be best friends,

 **dab8** : but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the jaw

 **callmesoon** : Awwww how cute, you guys even finish each others sentences

 **dkdk** : ooh soonyoung

 **dkdk** : let’s try

 **dkdk** : i think jihoon is

 **callmesoon** : A little bitch

 **woozigoon** : 

 

 

* * *

 

 

March 29th, 5:07 P.M.

 

 **_woozigoon_ ** has started a private chat with **_gentlejosh._ **

 

 **woozigoon** : Joshua, I need to tell you something.

 **gentlejosh** : Need me to be a fake boyfriend again???

 **gentlejosh** : Because your grandma was super nice

 **gentlejosh** : Except for when she asked me what my major was and I panicked

 **gentlejosh** : But other than that

 **gentlejosh** : What’s up Ji????

 **woozigoon** : So, you know how we’re fake dating?

 **gentlejosh** : Yeah??

 **woozigoon** : Can we talk about that?

 **gentlejosh** : Woah

 **gentlejosh** : I’ve never seen you this serious

 **gentlejosh** : Sometimes I think youre more mature than me and I’m the older one

 **gentlejosh** : But why do you wanna talk about it?

 **woozigoon** : I don’t want to fake date anymore.

 **woozigoon** : It’s tiring.

 **woozigoon** : All of our friends always doubt it, anyway.

 **woozigoon** : I want out of it.

 **gentlejosh** : Dang…

 **gentlejosh** : So the jig is up huh

 **woozigoon** : Date me.

 **woozigoon** : But for real.

 **gentlejosh** : I

 **gentlejosh** : Uh

 **woozigoon** : Unless you don’t like me.

 **woozigoon** : Which, if you do, I don’t see why.

 **woozigoon** : But I don’t really like the whole fake thing.

 **woozigoon** : God, I feel so soft right now? This is so weird.

 **woozigoon** : I need to go swallow a bucket full of nails and buy a power drill.

 **woozigoon** : Feelings are disgusting.

 **woozigoon** : 10/10 do not recommend.

 **woozigoon** : Joshua?

 **woozigoon** : Hello?

 **gentlejosh** : Right…..

 **gentlejosh** : So, wait

 **gentlejosh** : You actually caught feelings???

 **woozigoon** : Unfortunately, yes.

 **woozigoon** : Which means someone probably owes someone else a lot of money.

 **gentlejosh** : OH MY GOD!!

 **gentlejosh** : Okay let me collect my belongings

 **gentlejosh** : My heart is on my sleeve

 **gentlejosh** : I think..I think I might cry

 **woozigoon** : You’re disgusting.

 **woozigoon** : This is disgusting.

 **woozigoon** : I take back everything.

 **gentlejosh** : 

 **gentlejosh** : Shut up

 **gentlejosh** : Too late

 **gentlejosh** : You’re my official boyfriend now

 **gentlejosh** : And we’re gonna have lunch with your grandma as often as possible because she’s probably the cutest old lady ever

 **woozigoon** : She once knocked out a bus driver with her purse for not accepting dimes.

 **woozigoon** : But yeah, sure.

 **woozigoon** : Boyfriend.

 

 

* * *

 

 

March 30th, 11:38 A.M.

 

 **callmesoon** : So you guys know those milk cartons in the cafeteria

 **callmesoon** : I just ate one

 **moonjun** : okay why would you do that

 **moonjun** : that’s gross ~(>_<~)

 **callmesoon** : Seokmin dared me!!!

 **dkdk** : i did no such thing

 **dkdk** : i said

 **dkdk** : "hey soonyoung, dont eat that milk carton, thats weird"

 **dkdk** : and he said

 **dkdk** : “shut up bro dont tell me what to do”

 **dkdk** : and proceeds to chug the milk and then chomp on the cardboard

 **tallgyu** : y’know, i’m so glad my lunch period isn’t at the same time as yours.

 **dab8** : ugh

 **dab8** : yeah unfortunately its at the same time as mine

 **dab8** : he just spends the entire time launching his peas off his spoon to try to hit me in the eye

 **1004angel** : Thats like, 5th grade flirting right there

 **dab8** : lol

 **dab8** : no flirting here sir

 **dab8** : mingyu is a taken man

 **dab8** : i respect those boundaries

 **bagofluck** : mingyu, why are you so mean to minghao?

 **tallgyu** : he deserves it.

 **tallgyu** : he doesn’t even like pineapple on pizza.

 **dab8** : 

 **tallgyu** : fight me, minghao.

 **dab8** : gladly

 **acooldad** : Guys, can we not do this?

 **acooldad** : Mingyu, apologize to Minghao for being an idiot.

 **tallgyu** : no what the heck?

 **dab8** : lmaoooo hes on my side

 **acooldad** : No, I’m not. Minghao, apologize to Mingyu for being a bully.

 **dab8** : bruh wtf

 **1004angel** : This is so boring

 **1004angel** : Itd be more interesting if Mingyu wasnt dating someone

 **bagofluck** : um excuse me?

 **bagofluck** : I’m right here.

 **1004angel** : Yeah I know Wonwoo

 **1004angel** : I just like making people mad

 **giantbaby** : jeonghan why do you always stick your fat nose in people’s business???

 **booboothefool** : I came back at the wrong time

 **rapgodhvc** : hey guys i hate to break it to you but

 **rapgodhvc** : i have news

 **1004angel** : News???

 **acooldad** : I already read the newspaper this morning.

 **dab8** : cheol shut up and stop being an old geezer for like 5 seconds

 **booboothefool** : What news??????

 **rapgodhvc** : so

 **rapgodhvc** : you know how i live in the apartment complex that josh lives in

 **1004angel** : Yeah cuz he’s a loser and doesn’t live in the dorms with us

 **rapgodhvc** : well anyway

 **rapgodhvc** : his apartment is the one down the hall from mine

 **rapgodhvc** : and i went to go take out the trash last night

 **rapgodhvc** : and i saw something very very interesting

 **booboothefool** : What??????

 **tallgyu** : oh, boy. more drama.

 **1004angel** : TELL US HANSOL

 **acooldad** : Eh, maybe it’s Joshua’s private business.

 **acooldad** : We shouldn’t meddle.

 **1004angel** : 

 **1004angel** : Uh no

 **1004angel** : We should

 **rapgodhvc** : i saw jihoon leaving

 **rapgodhvc** : and my soul ascended

 **callmesoon** : I CAME BACK JUST IN TIME

 **callmesoon** : OH MY GOD THIS IS SO GAY

 **booboothefool** : Awwww!!!!!!!

 **1004angel** : You mean to tell me

 **1004angel** : That they actually were dating this entire time

 **1004angel** : And the whole fake dating thing was actually real

 **bagofluck** : shoot…

 **bagofluck** : me and mingyu were so wrong.

 **1004angel** : I knew this would happen since the START

 **acooldad** : Same. It’s like a really cliche fanfiction.

 **acooldad** : This whole chat is like a really cliche fanfiction, actually.

 **dkdk** : SOONYOUNG

 **dkdk** : my bro

 **dkdk** : you owe me a grand total of $10 because jihoon and joshua are a thing

 **callmesoon** : Not so fast my dude

 **callmesoon** : I need to hear it myself

 **callmesoon** : Straight from Jihoon’s mouth

 **dab8** : dont u mean gay from jihoons mouth

 **dkdk** : HAH

 **woozigoon** : So, how’s it going everyone?

 **1004angel** : JIHOON

 **callmesoon** : JIHOON

 **dkdk** : JIHOON

 **bagofluck** : jihoon?

 **dab8** : you guys sound like the birds from finding nemo

 **tallgyu** : 

 **woozigoon** : What do you motherfuckers want?

 **1004angel** : Is Hansol right

 **1004angel** : Were you at Josh’s apartment yesterday

 **woozigoon** : Yeah.

 **woozigoon** : We had wild, passionate sex above the sheets.

 **callmesoon** : WHAT THEH FU KHVDFKJHVDKJFDF

 **woozigoon** : Just kidding. We played video games and his mom made us snacks.

 **tallgyu** : that’s so pure?

 **dkdk** : so are you two a thing?

 **dkdk** : like, a real thing?

 **dkdk** : or a bro thing

 **woozigoon** : None of your business, creep.

 **1004angel** : Jihoon please

 **1004angel** : I will literally drop dead if I have to ask Joshua

 **woozigoon** : Okay, fine.

 **woozigoon** : Me and Joshua hung out last night.

 **woozigoon** : Because we aren’t fake dating.

 **woozigoon** : We’re real dating.

 **woozigoon** : Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go vomit out all the contents of my stomach into the toilet because you guys are gonna freak out in 3…

 **woozigoon** : 2…

 **woozigoon** : 1.

 **callmesoon** : THEYRE DATING OH MY GOD

 **callmesoon** : JIHOON  FOUND LOVE HE DFOUND LOVE HE REALLY DID

 **1004angel** : 

 **callmesoon** : I’d like to thank not only God, but Jesus too

 

 

* * *

 

 

March 30th, 11:58 P.M.

 

 **_moonjun_ ** has started a private chat with **_dab8._ **

 

 **moonjun:** so, now that literally everyone is dating…

 **moonjun:** wanna meet me in the bathroom stall tomorrow at school? ★~(◠‿◕✿)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah, there's nothing quite like ending a chapter with an innocuous school-bathroom-stall blowjob reference.  
> all the best ones lead to something more.
> 
> wow i actually updated within the same month. i love myself. i hope y'all enjoy this chapter! it's messy!  
> love you all <3 until next time!


	30. plenty of motivation.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dkdk: mingyu and wonwoo are such a weird couple
> 
> bagofluck: that’s why we work.

April 1st, 12:31 P.M.

 

 **tallgyu** : hey minghao, do you have the precalc homework?

 **callmesoon** : No, but he probably has a dick in his mouth

 **tallgyu** : …

 **tallgyu** : i’m gonna pretend i don’t know how to read, just so i never have to see any of those words in a sentence ever again.

 **callmesoon** : 

 **dab8** : lol soonyoung

 **dab8** : u couldnt be more wrong

 **dab8** : i may be in a bathroom stall but im not sucking a dong

 **moonjun** : he has a good point!

 **callmesoon** : Wtf???

 **callmesoon** : Do y’all not want to bang like, every 5 seconds

 **bagofluck** : hmm, I think you’re thinking of you and seokmin?

 **tallgyu** : got ‘em.

 **callmesoon** : ……….

 **callmesoon** : Me and Bro-min are none of your goddamn business

 **callmesoon** : Theres nothing NSFW about us

 **dkdk** : ^^^

 **dkdk** : if he asked me to suck his dick, i would politely decline and suggest a game of poker

 **callmesoon** : Wait really

 **dab8** : lol

 **dab8** : me and jun arent banging rn

 **dab8** : we’re skipping 6th period

 **tallgyu** : minghao, no.

 **tallgyu** : your ass better be in your desk when i come into precalc in two minutes.

 **dab8** : suck my dick gyu

 **dab8** : im not going

 **moonjun** : you should respect his decisions, mingyu ( ‾ʖ̫‾)

 **dkdk** : i swear to god those emojis get dumber and dumber

 **woozigoon** : Speaking of dumber and dumber…

 **woozigoon** : I’m transferring to your high school.

 **callmesoon** : W HAT

 **callmesoon** : CAN IT BE???

 **callmesoon** : JIHOON ACTUALLY LOVES ME AND DOESNT  WANT ME TO SUFFER??!!??!!

 **woozigoon** : No, you dumbass.

 **woozigoon** : April Fools.

 

 **_callmesoon_ ** has left the group.

 

 **dab8** : omfg

 **dab8** : i didnt even realize

 **dab8** : dammit gyu i couldve pranked ur ass so hard

 **tallgyu** : no, you couldn’t’ve. i’m unprank-able.

 **bagofluck** : that’s a lie.

 **bagofluck** : I told you I was moving to the other side of the country earlier and you believed me.

 **bagofluck** : and then, proceeded to sniffle and cry.

 

 **_tallgyu_ ** has left the group.

 

 **dkdk** : oh, how the mighty fall

 

 **_dkdk_ ** has added **_tallgyu_ ** , **_callmesoon_ ** to the group.

 

 **_dkdk_ ** has named the group ‘ **_hi welcome to chili’s_ ** ’

 

 **dab8** : [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RH6YONlApys ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RH6YONlApys)

**callmesoon** : I think I just reached Nirvana

 **woozigoon** : I think you’re dumb.

 **woozigoon** : :-)

 **callmesoon** : OH YEAH?????

 **callmesoon** : WELL AT LEAST I MNOT A BIG FAT BULLY

 **dkdk** : oh shit

 **dkdk** : soonyoung, pulling out the big guns

 **callmesoon** : Well, I am a pro at pulling out

 **tallgyu** : 

 **woozigoon** : Okay, but Soonyoung, I bully you because I secretly want to be your friend.

 **woozigoon** : Shit, did I say that out loud?

 **rapgodhvc** : this is a text

 **rapgodhvc** : it says nothing

 **dkdk** : that’s what the government wants you to think, hansol

 **rapgodhvc** : oh shit

 **rapgodhvc** : now you’re on my wavelength

 **giantbaby** : i always open this chat when it gets weird

 **dkdk** : false chan

 **dkdk** : you make it weird

 **giantbaby** : 

 **bagofluck** : when you try your best but you don’t succeed…

 **callmesoon** : Wait Chan

 **callmesoon** : You’re still straight right

 **dkdk** : ….

 **giantbaby** : yeah actually my contract just got extended until

 **giantbaby** : wait lemme check

 **giantbaby** : oh yeah, until forever

 **dkdk** : FUCKFJFJKD

 **giantbaby** : why????

 **callmesoon** : Oh no reason

 **callmesoon** : I have a few girls I could hook you up with if you want

 **callmesoon** : They keep coming for me but

 **callmesoon** : Little do they know…

 **moonjun** : know what?

 **moonjun** : you like it up the butt?

 **dkdk** : i have to leave right now, immediately

 **callmesoon** : Precisely, my dear Junathan

 **giantbaby** : oh lol no thanks im good!!!!!

 **giantbaby** : im focusing on academics right now!!!

 **booboothefool** : CHAN MY ROLE MODEL

 **booboothefool** : We should all be more like him!!!!!!

 **rapgodhvc** : says the one who got a 12% on his english midterm

 **dkdk** : EXPOSE HIM HANSOL

 **booboothefool** : 

 **booboothefool** : I trusted you Vernon

 **booboothefool** : All these feet...and you still walked out on me

 **booboothefool** : I’m breaking up with you

 **dkdk** : oh...my god

 **dkdk** : are we witnessing a crumbling relationship

 **dkdk** : someone get jeonghan in here

 **1004angel** : I’m way ahead of you

 **1004angel** : You two better talk it out!! No sadness in here!

 **rapgodhvc** : i’m sorry seungkwan i didn’t mean to be mean…

 **booboothefool** : It’s too late!!!! No apologies accepted

 **booboothefool** : Hope you’re happy

 **booboothefool** : You just lost the best thing in your life

 **acooldad** : There are plenty of fish in the sea, Hansol.

 **acooldad** : Seungkwan, stop being dramatic.

 **booboothefool** : I’m not!!!!!!!!!!

 **rapgodhvc** : god you’re such a nerd

 **rapgodhvc** : guys he’s literally next to me in spanish class giggling like a moron because he thought this was a good april fools prank

 **booboothefool** : Well it wouldve been if you wouldn’t have opened your mouth!!!!!!

 **1004angel** : Oh look at that

 **1004angel** : It is April Fools Day

 **gentlejosh** : Hey guys

 **1004angel** : Hey Joshua

 **1004angel** : I love you

 **gentlejosh** : Ha ha very funny Jeonghan

 **acooldad** : Wow, what a good April Fool’s prank!

 **acooldad** : Hey Jeonghan, I love you!

 **1004angel** : Awww really??

 **acooldad** : No.

 **gentlejosh** : 

 **moonjun** : everyone is in class except the college kids

 **moonjun** : im bored~~~

 **dab8** : bitch stfu ur right next to me

 **dab8** : holding my hand and being gay

 **acooldad** : Wait, you guys are holding hands?

 **acooldad** : I thought you only met in the bathroom to do unspeakable things?

 **moonjun** : it’s getting old

 **moonjun** : now we’re just skipping class

 **acooldad** : Um.

 **acooldad** : That’s not very studious of you.

 **dab8** : lol

 **dab8** : its ok

 **moonjun** : yeah!! it’s just one class

 **acooldad** : I’m tempted to report you…

 **acooldad** : But at least you aren’t doing the dirty. I respect that.

 **dab8** : thanks cheol

 **dab8** : ur the best dad i could ever ask for

 **acooldad** : :^)

 

 

* * *

 

April 1st, 7:00 P.M.

 

 **_moonjun_ ** has started a private chat with **_dab8._ **

 

 **moonjun** : so….

 **moonjun** : you’re single

 **moonjun** : i’m single

 **moonjun** : you know what that means… (⌯⌅⌄⌅)

 **dab8** : yeah lol

 **dab8** : we both ugly af

 **moonjun** : 

 **moonjun** : minghao why won’t you love me

 **dab8** : who says i dont

 **dab8** : o wait

 **dab8** : that wasnt a confession im just trying to mess with u

 **moonjun** : minghaoooooo

 **moonjun** : talk to meeeeeee

 **dab8** : we r talking

 **dab8** : right now

 **dab8** : im having a decent time

 **moonjun** : skipping was fun today!!~

 **moonjun** : i liked holding your hand in a grimy handicapped stall in the bathroom

 **dab8** : lol

 **dab8** : ur such a weirdo

 **dab8** : like

 **dab8** : y r u like this

 **moonjun** : (ง ˃ ³ ˂)ว ⁼³₌₃⁼³

 **moonjun** : me @ you

 **dab8** : god….

 **dab8** : u embarrass me

 **moonjun** : don’t lie

 **moonjun** : you like it

 **dab8** : how did u get to be this soft

 **dab8** : remember when u first joined the groupchat

 **dab8** : all of us thought u were a drug dealer

 **moonjun** : well….

 **moonjun** : i still am hard

 **dab8** : no u arent u dork

 **moonjun** : minghao

 **moonjun** : that’s a term of endearment (๑♡⌓♡๑)

 **dab8** : those emojis r disgusting

 **moonjun** : no they aren’t :-(((

 **dab8** : i know im just kiddin

 **dab8** : i like them

 **dab8** : i like u

 **dab8** : oops

 **moonjun** : you like me?!?

 **moonjun** : LIKE like me?

 **dab8** : yeah lol

 **dab8** : could u not tell

 **moonjun** : no..?

 **dab8** : ur oblivious

 **dab8** : i suck ur dick a couple of times and u cant notice the fat crush i have on u??

 **moonjun** : uh

 **moonjun** : n-nope

 **dab8** : 

 **dab8** : ur so pure

 **moonjun** : why do you treat me like a baby <(｀^´)>

 **dab8** : oh my god jun

 **dab8** : bc u r a huge baby

 **dab8** : just look at the emojis

 **moonjun** : …..

 **dab8** : ur just so pure

 **moonjun** : i am not!!

 **moonjun** : i’m older than you!!! (⁎˃ᆺ˂)

 **dab8** : jun….

 **dab8** : u text me pics of dogs u see on ur way to school every morning

 **dab8** : u hold my hand in bathroom stalls

 **dab8** : u call me hao

 **dab8** : u beg me to give u half of my turkey and cheese sandwiches at lunch

 **dab8** : u r a humongous baby

 **moonjun** : okay fine i can deal with that

 **moonjun** : but back to the matter at hand

 **moonjun** : do you want to suck my dick

 **dab8** : bruh

 **moonjun** : WAIT

 **moonjun** : do you want to suck my dick…..as my boyfriend

 **dab8** : ur gonna have to take me out to dinner first

 **moonjun** : done and done

 **dab8** : wait rly

 **moonjun** : yep!

 **moonjun** : i’ll treat you to anything from the mcdonalds dollar menu

 **dab8** : [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__1SjDrSMik ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__1SjDrSMik)

**moonjun** : i’ll take that as a yes to mcdonalds

 **dab8** : u dork

 

 

* * *

 

 

April 2nd, 3:22 P.M.

 

 **booboothefool** : Hansol just tried to make me play Hungry Hungry Hippos….

 **booboothefool** : I am a junior in high school

 **callmesoon** : Dude…

 **callmesoon** : That’s sad….

 **rapgodhvc** : seungkwan

 **rapgodhvc** : the box says “for ages 3+”

 **rapgodhvc** : that’s us

 **booboothefool** : 

 **tallgyu** : one of these days, seungkwan is going to snap.

 **tallgyu** : i can feel it in the air.

 **dkdk** : speaking of feeling things

 **dkdk** : it’s been so long since we’ve heard from chan

 **dkdk** : he’s been gone for 3 years

 **giantbaby** : i’m right here you idiot

 **dkdk** : sometimes i can still hear his voice…

 **giantbaby** : 

 **callmesoon** : Chan just has better things to focus on

 **1004angel** : I’m proud of you Channie

 **1004angel** : Bring those grades up

 **giantbaby** : i can always count on jeonghan to make me feel superior to all of you

 **dkdk** : bro

 **dkdk** : your IQ is probably 1000

 **moonjun** : i believe that!

 **moonjun** : he had me believing he was a sugar daddy!

 **giantbaby** : ^^^ my proudest achievement

 **dab8** : lol

 **dab8** : jun ur dumb

 **callmesoon** : I wonder if Minghao actually likes you Jun

 **callmesoon** : He’s always bullying you

 **moonjun** : you should see our dms

 **moonjun** : he’s a Softie

 **dab8** : am not

 **tallgyu** : minghao? soft? impossible.

 **dab8** : gyu ill literally twist ur nipples off

 **bagofluck** : ooh, kinky.

 **booboothefool** : Wonwoo

 **booboothefool** : No

 **bagofluck** : wonwoo yes.

 **bagofluck** : I do what I want.

 **callmesoon** : Jeon Wonwoo is coming for us all

 

 **_dkdk_ ** has named the group ‘ **_this is jeon wonwoo’s world and we’re all just living in it_ ** ’

 

 **bagofluck** : :-)

 **tallgyu** : yikes.

 **tallgyu** : can i move to mars?

 **woozigoon** : I second that motion.

 **bagofluck** : okay, that comment from jihoon was expected, but mingyu? ouch.

 **tallgyu** : hush, you lamp.

 **callmesoon** : Did….did you just call Wonwoo a lamp

 **callmesoon** : Is it because he once stuck a lightbulb up his ass?

 **tallgyu** : what?

 **tallgyu** : it’s because he’s the light of my life…

 **callmesoon** : Oh

 **callmesoon** : Okay ignore me then

 **bagofluck** : soonyoung…

 **bagofluck** : why?

 **dkdk** : mingyu and wonwoo are such a weird couple

 **bagofluck** : that’s why we work.

 **bagofluck** : meanwhile, your “significant other” soonyoung is better known as a significant annoyance.

 **woozigoon** : Once again, I second that motion.

 **callmesoon** : Whatever bros

 **callmesoon** : Haters are my motivators

 **tallgyu** : well, you should have plenty of motivation to shut the hell up, then.

 **callmesoon** : WHY IS EVERYONE BULLYING ME LATELY

 **booboothefool** : Hah

 **booboothefool** : Been there, done that Soonyoung

 **booboothefool** : I’ve graduated from the roasting academy

 **booboothefool** : And I’m now one of the roasters themselves

 **woozigoon** : …

 **woozigoon** : Seungkwan, I don’t know you all that well, but I can say with certainty that those messages alone constitute more roasting than Soonyoung will ever receive.

 **dkdk** : did i just witness jihoon defending soonyoung??

 **gentlejosh** : Hello

 **gentlejosh** : I dont wanna take credit but…

 **gentlejosh** : I made him softer

 **woozigoon** : You did not.

 **woozigoon** : Okay, actually, maybe a little.

 **woozigoon** : I have no trouble admitting Soonyoung is my...acquaintance.

 **callmesoon** : ACQUAINTANCE

 **callmesoon** : JIHOON WHY CANT WE BE FRIENDS

 **dkdk** : lean on me…

 **dkdk** : when you’re not strong

 **dkdk** : ill be your friend

 

 **_woozigoon_ ** has named the group ‘ **_The Return of Hard Jihoon_ ** ’

 

 **callmesoon** : That sounds like the name of a bad porn

 **woozigoon** : And this is exactly why we can’t be friends.

 **callmesoon** : Soon...Jihoon…...soon….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 30 chapters! yay! that's 30 too many.  
> here, have some junhao being disgusting.
> 
> i have no idea how long i can keep this fic going...theoretically, forever, but no one would read that large of a shithole.
> 
> anyway, see you guys next time! 
> 
> (ALSO: i have a question. HOW YOU YOU GUYS FEEL ABOUT GYUHAO ON INSTAGRAM?? my heart exploded multiple times. they only follow each other. my gyuhao heart is crying. okay that is all).


	31. a balance of domesticity.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1004angel: If you guys arent dating then you should be
> 
> 1004angel: I mean, it’s obvious that you cant be JUST friends ;-)

April 4th, 1:38 P.M.

 

**callmesoon** : Are you married to the music???

**booboothefool** : Soonyoung

**booboothefool** : I’m concerned

**callmesoon** : Why???

**rapgodhvc** : im convinced he has elevator music playing in his head at all times

**rapgodhvc** : but when it isnt elevator music, its shinee title tracks

**callmesoon** : Dude

**callmesoon** : What can I say

**callmesoon** : I love Shinee

**dkdk** : he has a poster of taemin in his bathroom

**tallgyu** : that’s borderline weird.

**callmesoon** : Uh no it isnt!

**callmesoon** : I can admire him as I do my business

**tallgyu** : 

**dkdk** : hey gyu

**dkdk** : your birthday is in 2 days how do you feel

**tallgyu** : old.

**tallgyu** : almost one year closer to death.

**booboothefool** : Birthdays are wonderful!!!!!!

**booboothefool** : But please don’t make us piggyback you through the halls like Seokmin and Vernon did!!!!!

**rapgodhvc** : that was amazing

**rapgodhvc** : my own personal seungkwan chariot

**booboothefool** : I have chronic back pain now you asshat

**tallgyu** : haha, don’t worry. i’m not that much of a dick.

**dab8** : lol debatable

**tallgyu** : okay, just for that comment, i’m making you carry me, minghao.

**dab8** : ew no

**dab8** : ur fatass is NOT riding me like a horse

**moonjun** : position reserved for yours truly (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑

**1004angel** : You guys still have the bathroom BJ arrangement?

**moonjun** : yes

**dab8** : no

**moonjun** : …….

**dab8** : …….

**1004angel** : If you guys arent dating then you should be

**1004angel** : I mean, it’s obvious that you cant be JUST friends ;-)

**dab8** : lol

**dab8** : LOL

**dab8** : L  O L

**callmesoon** : Minghao laughs to hide his true emotions

**dab8** : its true im a shell of a human being

**tallgyu** : ^^^ the most relatable thing you’ve ever said, thank god.

**bagofluck** : it’s perfectly possible to be friends with benefits.

**bagofluck** : at least, I think.

**bagofluck** : what do I know, though, I’ve only been with one person.

**tallgyu** : you used to be a mega virgin.

**callmesoon** : M E G A  V I R G I N

**woozigoon** : Did someone say mega virgin?

**woozigoon** : Yay, that must mean it’s time to make fun of Soonyoung. :-)

**callmesoon** : 

**dab8** : ok anyway

**dab8** : im giving jun a shot

**dab8** : like we’re goin on dates just to make sure i actually like his bitchass

**moonjun** : he’s right

**moonjun** : we went to mcdonalds for our first date

**rapgodhvc** : that is the most disgusting way to woo someone

**bagofluck** : mcdonalds? really jun?

**dab8** : hey dont attack jun

**dab8** : i wanted a fuckin mcflurry u assholes

**dab8** : he doesnt need to woo me

**dab8** : im already wooed appropriately

**callmesoon** : Woo Junhui

**tallgyu** : well, as long as he’s treating you right, we should leave you guys alone.

**dab8** : gyu….u just earned all my respect back

**tallgyu** : really?

**dab8** : lol no

**dab8** : but maybe a little of it

**woozigoon** : Personally, I would love to be with Jun.

**moonjun** : uhhhh

**moonjun** : why is that?

**gentlejosh** : Hello

**gentlejosh** : Also WHAT

**woozigoon** : Listen.

**woozigoon** : I have my reasons.

**moonjun** : im terrified of you

**woozigoon** : Good.

**booboothefool** : Is there a Mr. Vernon in here right now

**rapgodhvc** : yeah why?

**rapgodhvc** : did i leave my socks at your house?

**dab8** : is this what ur relationship consists of

**dab8** : being domestic and shit

**tallgyu** : minghao, that’s what most relationships consist of.

**dab8** : ew

**moonjun** : rude 

**acooldad** : He does have a point.

**acooldad** : A balance of domesticity is very good in budding relationships.

 

**_dkdk_ ** has named the group **_‘life advice 3.0 with seungcheol’_ **

 

**dkdk** : dad talk….

**dkdk** : COMMENCE

**1004angel** : Uh no

**1004angel** : Dont let him convince you he’s a relationship guru

**acooldad** : Excuse me?

**acooldad** : Who holds your hair back when you’re blowing chunks into the toilet?

**gentlejosh** : Add that to the list of mental images I didnt necessarily need in my life

**woozigoon** : ^^^

**1004angel** : I chopped all my hair off you douche

**acooldad** : Okay, fair point.

**moonjun** : cheol, what advice do you have for me and minghao’s developing love? ٩(♡ε♡ )۶

**acooldad** : Well, the first step to falling in love is to make sure you know each other well.

**acooldad** : Jun, what’s Minghao’s favorite color.

**moonjun** : easy

**moonjun** : the color of my eyes

**callmesoon** : Oh…...my god

**woozigoon** : I think I just lost a few years off my lifespan.

**woozigoon** : I should be dead, like, yesterday.

**dab8** : 

**dab8** : jun i hate u

**tallgyu** : aw, how sweet.

**tallgyu** : hao, your favorite color is the color of his eyes?

**bagofluck** : goals.

**bagofluck** : mingyu, why don’t you love me that much?

**tallgyu** : 

**dkdk** : okay so its obvious that seungcheol’s advice does nothing but provoke all the other insecure couples in here

**callmesoon** : I’m glad thats not us bro

**dkdk** : totally bro

**dkdk** : we are VERY secure in our love

**callmesoon** : I love you dude

**dkdk** : no, i love YOU

**booboothefool** : Can you gays just like shut up for five seconds

**callmesoon** : Bro wtf

**callmesoon** : We’re all loud and gay and proud

**woozigoon** : For the thousandth time, I don’t associate with any of you.

**booboothefool** : I use the word gay as an umbrella term for anyone who is not Chan

**giantbaby** : is someone talking about me

**dab8** : omg

**dab8** : chan adopted jeonghan’s 6th sense for drama

**1004angel** : I’m proud of you my sweet summer child

**giantbaby** : 

**rapgodhvc** : i actually have a few words of advice on love

**booboothefool** : Oh Jesus

**booboothefool** : Everyone cover your ears

**giantbaby** : its a text….

**giantbaby** : you cant….nevermind

 

**_dkdk_ ** has named the group  **_‘life advice 4.0 with vernon’_ **

 

**dkdk** : okay go ahead

**dkdk** : the whole world is listening

**rapgodhvc** : well you know how like, when you’re in love

**rapgodhvc** : your brain releases a bunch of endorphins and you feel great

**booboothefool** : Why in the hell would my brain release a bunch of dolphins????

**callmesoon** : 

**dkdk** : i swear to god

**rapgodhvc** : seungkwan, endorphins and dolphins are not the same thing

**booboothefool** : I hate my life

**moonjun** : guys

**moonjun** : this advice session has been great and all

**woozigoon** : No, it hasn’t.

**moonjun** : but we really don’t need help

**tallgyu** : he has a good point.

**tallgyu** : all relationships are different and develop in their own ways.

**tallgyu** : if minghao and jun want to fall in love over dollar menu fries, then by god, we should respect that.

**dab8** : i love u gyu

**dab8** : wiser words have never been spoken

**tallgyu** : really?

**dab8** : once again no lol

**dab8** : id still throw down with you in a wendys parking lot

**dab8** : but thanks for defending us

**tallgyu** : 

**moonjun** : besides,

**moonjun** : i’ve fallen in love with just about every part of minghao (￣ω￣)

**giantbaby** : wow, you know his actual favorite color and his dreams and goals and stuff like that??? that sounds nice

**1004angel** : Oh for fucks sake

**1004angel** : Can someone please teach Chan about the birds and the bees

**bagofluck** : yes.

**bagofluck** : they’re dying at an alarming rate.

**bagofluck** : #savethebees

**tallgyu** : why do i even like you…

**moonjun** : oh, sweet chanathan

**booboothefool** : If you know Minghao so well, whats his shoe size???

**moonjun** : it’s pretty big, isnt it hao?

**dab8** : lol yeah

**rapgodhvc** : haha you know what they say about guys with big feet

**giantbaby** : what do they say????

**rapgodhvc** : oh

**rapgodhvc** : haha...yknow….

**rapgodhvc** : “damn those are some huge feet”

**callmesoon** : 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

April 6th, 12:00 A.M.

 

**_dab8_ ** has started a private chat with  **_tallgyu._ **

 

**dab8** : to my bestest friend in the entire universe

**dab8** : my truest pal

**dab8** : my partner in all the crimes i have yet to commit

**dab8** : HAPPY BIRTHDAY GYU

**dab8** : lol i hope ur not asleep

**tallgyu** : minghao...you stayed up until midnight just to wish me a happy birthday?

**dab8** : lol

**dab8** : yeah

**dab8** : i had to be the first one right

**dab8** : thats how bffs work

**tallgyu** : well, you are the first one.

**tallgyu** : wow, not even wonwoo could compete with that timing.

**dab8** : omg really

**dab8** : i was before ur own boyfriend???

**tallgyu** : yes, apparently!

**tallgyu** : thanks hao.

**tallgyu** : that means a lot.

**dab8** : oh shut up

**dab8** : i was already awake anyway lmao

**dab8** : how does it feel to be old

**dab8** : ur a grandpa now

**dab8** : want me to bring a cane for u to school??

**tallgyu** : 

**tallgyu** : what does jun even see in you…

**dab8** : um ok rude

**dab8** : fuck off im a catch

**dab8** : im a dime

**dab8** : im a doll

**tallgyu** : maybe, if i take my glasses off and squint...maybe.

**tallgyu** : but anyway

**tallgyu** : love ya, hao. you’re the best.

**tallgyu** : keep the roasts to a minimum for me today, i’d like to enjoy my birthday without your weird ass commentary.

**dab8** : u know u love me gyu

**dab8** : in another life we’re probably married

**tallgyu** : huh.

**tallgyu** : interesting.

**tallgyu** : who wears the pants in this relationship?

**dab8** : me

**tallgyu** : stop lying.

**dab8** : its tru tho

**dab8** : ur a giant weenie

**tallgyu** : can i ask you a stupid question?

**dab8** : uh

**dab8** : ur really great at it, so go ahead

**tallgyu** : ANYWAY

**tallgyu** : do you really believe that? do we act like an old married couple?

**dab8** : totally

**dab8** : sometimes jun gets jealous

**tallgyu** : really?

**tallgyu** : he gets jealous of us always wanting to fight?

**dab8** : he says its endearing

**dab8** : whatever that means

**dab8** : but dont listen to him hes a weirdo

**dab8** : we’re just bffs who act like bffs

**tallgyu** : right.

**tallgyu** : i love you, but at the same time, i wouldn’t hesitate to deck you.

**dab8** : ah

**dab8** : theres the gyu i know

**dab8** : ok i should sleep

**dab8** : happy bday once again

**dab8** : i hope ur day tomorrow is wonderful

**dab8** : ill see u at school with ur present

**tallgyu** : goodnight, minghao.

**tallgyu** : do let the bed bugs bite.

**dab8** : its ur bday so i wont cuss at u….but

**dab8:** f*ck u mingyu

**tallgyu:** :-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone!! sorry i haven't posted for a month. school caught up with me and i've been super duper busy.
> 
> nevertheless, i hope you enjoy this update! i'll try to get somewhat into a regular schedule, but be warned, finals season is approaching and all my fellow college students can relate to The Sense Of Dread. so maybe it might be another month. who knows. probably not, though.
> 
> seeya next time! thanks for all your comments, etc. :-)


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